Eyes of Jade

Back in March

     The rest of the night passes fairly quickly. We set up our beanbags and blankets in the basement and talk deliriously for a little while until most of us have fallen asleep.

     Except I can't sleep. I look over at everyone. They seem pretty much passed out.

     Wait a minute--I see someone moving. Is that...Jade? I scooch down to see. It is her. Now we're face to face.

     "Hey," she whispers.

     "Hey," I reply. I don't know what to say. All I do is look into her beautiful eyes as she looks into mine.

     "Did you have fun tonight?"

     "Yea," I reply.

     "Good."

     "Can I ask you something?" I say.

     She fidgets a little, but then says, "Shoot."

     I hesitate before I whisper, "Why do you keep ignoring me?" She looks a little uncomfortable, so I decide I should elaborate. "Is there something I did to upset you? Because I'm really sorry if I did-"

     "No," she cuts me off. "You did nothing wrong." She pauses before she whispers, "It's me. I just-- I keep messing up." It's almost pitch black, but I can see the whites of her eyes as she looks down.

     "What do you mean?" I urge her to continue.

     "Back in March. I feel like it was my fault that you were in such a bad place," she hesitates. "I made you that way. I pulled you down with me."

     "What? No, I pulled myself down. I just wasn't in a good state to begin with. It wasn't you, I promise."

     "I'm sorry, I just-- I just don't know if that's true." She looks at me, "You're just so quick to see the best in everyone. I just don't get why you see any good in me."

     I grab her ice-cold hand, "Jade, there is so much good in you. I just wish you could see that in yourself."

     We hold eye contact in the dark for what feels like milliseconds. I can see Jade is still holding something back.

     As we are still looking at each other, Jade says, with sorrow in her eyes, "Goodnight, Aria."

     I am a little disappointed that our conversation is over, but I can't admit that, so I reply, "Goodnight, Jade."

     As her hand relaxes in mine, I can tell she has drifted off into a deep slumber. Now, if only I could do the same.

     Instead, I begin thinking about what went on between us in March.

~~~

     It started out with Jade, May, and I hanging out almost every weekend. Just us three. We always had lots of fun and we collectively didn't give a shit about life. That's just the way it was with us then.

     Then... drinking got involved. Jade explained to us that she does this a lot. She took a few big sips. Then May did. Then it was my turn. I was hesitant to drink at first because I usually try to stay away from any substances, especially because of my depression, which could potentially enable addictions. However, I just didn't care at this time.

     I took a sip of vodka. One sip led to more sips, and so on.

     From that moment on, we drank almost every weekend. I even drank alone when I wanted to just numb the pain.

     That's when I realized it was getting bad.

     Jade's depression was getting worse and I didn't know how to help. I had my own problems to deal with, but I decided that hers were more important.

    And that's when I began to think of her every second of every day to make sure she was okay. I cared about her more than life itself. Therefore, my problems took last priority.

     And I think she realized. Because that's when she started to distance herself.

     Maybe it was for the best.

~~~

     Now, we are different. She seems to be doing very well. I wish I could say the same.

     I've been taking care of myself and putting my own feelings as my first priority. However, I still feel off.

     It's nobody's fault. Sometimes you don't feel okay. And that's okay. Sometimes you don't want to put a smile on. And that's okay too.

     I'm still trying. I am working hard every day to get better.

     I will say, it really helps when people check in on you.

     And that's Kendall for me.

~~~

Author's note: Hey, guys! I know this isn't typically what you read in stories, but I wanted to show the more realistic and jaded side of relationships. They're not always perfect and rose-colored. In my story, there are many different ways to look at it, and that's how life usually is. There isn't one right answer. What happened in March in this story is very similar to what happened in my own life. There's a lot more to it, but I figured that would be too much to put into the story. I hope you all keep reading, thank you!