What The End Looks Like | ✓

10: lacey

"I know. I like to come up here to think. This is my favorite time to come because it makes everything else seem so insignificant. All the problems just go away when I'm up here."

I look over at him, "I can see why." Dean's eyes never stray from the skyline, focusing on something that will never repeat the exact same way again.

It's a marvelous thing. It's a certain thing that the sun is always going to rise and set every single day. There's not very many guarantees in life, but that's one of them. Everything seems so simple. It's not.

We stand there for what feels like forever before one of us says something again. "Everything has been complicated lately. I feel like I'm supposed to be everywhere and that I'm always letting someone down. So I try to keep it where no one expects anything from me because then they can't be disappointed. I don't let a lot of people close to me because I always let them down."

"Keeping people at an arm's length must be pretty lonely." I say, knowing that I'm doing the exact same thing to Dean. It's the same thing I do to everyone except Ruth because she's shoved her way in. It's how I know it's lonely, yet I also know it's for the best.

"I didn't think it was, but then I see how happy Cass and Maddox are together. Sephine and Hayes. I don't think I'm going to find what they have. I think it's why I keep going back to Paige," He admits with a shaky breath and I can see the fear in his face as he looks at me.

"You're not meant to find what they have, you're meant to find what works for you."

Dean shakes his head, "I don't know. I keep screwing everything up. I got mad at Cassidy for telling me the truth. I was acting like a child. I'm not angry they're together, I just wish I saw her more. That's what I should have told her instead of snapping at her."

I shiver feeling the breeze sink into my bones, "That's the beauty of hindsight. You learn what you should have done."

He wraps an arm over my shoulder, pulling me into him. "Lacey Edwards, you are quite the enigma."

"It's intentional," I joke leaning into him. It feels nice to be held by him.

"That doesn't surprise me at all. Not one bit."

I rest my head on his chest, watching the sun dip behind a building on it's descent. "Thanks for bringing me up here, it kind of reminds me of home."

Dean squeezes a bit tighter for a moment, "Do you miss home?"

"Not like I thought I would. I miss Ruth and my parents. I couldn't bring my dog with me so I miss her a lot. But I needed a change, a chance to experience things more than Bristol could." I say smiling at the thought of home. "It's like everything there moves in slow motion."

"Well everything here moves extremely fast, it's a nice break being up here." He says motioning with his other hand to the lack of people and the open sky.

I get entirely what he means. People aren't joking when they call New York City the city that never sleeps.

*********

"Why don't we watch a funny one?" I say loudly to Dean who is in the living room. I'm in my room pulling a sweatshirt on over my head. I'm thankful for the job I have with Grayson, but man I hate the clothing attire.

"What?" He says and I roll my eyes, grabbing the pill organizer off of the top of my dresser.

"Just pick whatever you want!" I yell back trying to find the water bottle I keep in here. Shouldn't be hard to find considering sixty percent of my things are still in boxes and the room is the size of a shoebox.

I finally spot the water bottle on my bedside table and quickly take the pills before Dean comes looking for me. I'm running low on one of my prescriptions but I don't want to go to the doctor and have them ask why I've skipped my last two appointments.

I shouldn't skip and I know I'm going to catch hell about it next time I see my parents, but for now? Everything's fine.

By the time I get back out to the living room, Dean's already found his spot on the couch and opening credits are playing. "What are we watching?" I ask sitting next to him and Dean gives me a cheeky smile.

"You'll find out."

I give him a skeptical look because I have no idea what he would have picked out. My guess is he probably picked a scary movie. Turns out I was right, but he did surprise me by choosing an original instead of a remake.

The first thirty minutes, I feel restless sitting next to him. I don't know why. I'm comfortable around him so I have no valid reason to be unable to sit still for longer than ninety seconds.

Eventually Dean pauses the movie, "Lace, what's going on?"

"I don't know." Which is the truth.

He shakes his head, "I hate to point this out, but I don't think you've sat still for longer than a minute."

"I can't get comfortable. I promise I'm paying attention, I just don't know how I want to sit."

"Is there something on your mind?" Dean asks carefully bracing an arm behind his head. I force myself to look away from how he's unintentionally flexing his arm.

I tuck my front pieces of hair behind my ears, "Everything's fine."

He raises an eyebrow at me, "Really? Do you have ants in your pants then?"

"I don't have ants in my pants Dean." I snort, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Then what is it?"

I hesitate and Dean notices, the expression on his face softening. "You listen to me whine about my life all the time, if you need to talk about something I'll listen."

Where do I even begin?

My mouth opens getting ready to say what I actually want to ask, but I chicken out at the last second. "Why are you so curious about my bucket list?"

I can tell the question takes him by surprise. I can only imagine his reaction to the question I really wanted to ask. This one is a safer topic.

"Because I want to help you complete it. Bucket lists are meant to be finished and I can't stop thinking about why you don't want to finish yours. I know it's probably stupid, but the whole reason I took you to the Empire State Building tonight was because I hoped it was on your list." He admits this with a blush dusting across his cheeks, but his blue eyes are clear. "New York is meant to be experienced and you spend quite a bit of time at the office with Grayson. I assumed you hadn't been there yet."

My stomach flutters at the thought he put behind it because it shows he cares. I almost wish it were on my bucket list, just so I could see Dean smile.

"Skydiving."

"What?"

I smile faintly, glancing back at the television, "The Empire State Building wasn't on my bucket list, but skydiving is."

"You're not afraid of much are you?" He says smiling and I shake my head.

"Nope."

Just death. I'm extremely afraid of dying.