Fear Evan Hansen

9

Zoe's POV:

I don't want to admit it. I really don't. Why should I?! He treated me like shit. But at the same time...I miss him. Things aren't the same without him.

Even though most of the time he would threaten me or try to break down my door or something, he would always have those moments. And in those moments, he had just a little bit of light.

Those times were normally at random times, like when I let him borrow my nail polish, or he would help me with school drama.

But all of that is in the past, he's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. He practically vanished from existence. The Connor they're talking about is nothing like my Connor. They say he talked about girls with Evan. Connor? Talking about girls?! I don't buy it.

No one even bothered to mention his actual boyfriend. I was the only other person who knew about him.

His name is Miguel. He was actually really cool and I looked up to him for a while. Him and Connor were dating all the way from 7th grade, until the summer of 11th grade. I'm not sure if they officially broke up, but they didn't really talk to each other after that summer.

I don't know the full story. Not at all. I think Connor said something about Miguel figuring out a big secret that no one knew.

I still, to this day, loose sleep on it. What secret..? Why couldn't he tell me?

My phone dinged, a new notification popping up. Oh. Alana's calling. Me and Alana are pretty close, we normally don't talk that often. But when we do, it's really nice actually. I'm able to make a genuine, not forced smile when she's around. Which is wonder of all wonders, miracle of all miracles.

I should probably pick the phone up. "Hey." I put the phone up to my ear. "Hey ZoZo." Her voice didn't have that usual pepyness to it. "What's wrong?"

A moment of silence. "Three things. Number one, I accidentally outed myself-" She spoke quickly, almost rushed. How do I react to this? Sure. I knew she was some sort of LGBT+. Everyone did. But still. How does one out themselves?

Alana must've noticed my confusion. "I was listening to Girl in Red, and my mom walked in. I think she's part of the community, too? I don't know. But she was able to finish the lyric." Her breathing was quick on the other end.

"Ok. Calm down. What are the other bad things?" I tried to keep her calm. "Ok so my mom found out about TPC.." She didn't know about the Connor Project already?

"Your mom didn't know?"
I heard a small hum on the other side. "No.." I'm not even going to ask. "Ok thennn."

"What was the last bad thing?" I heard a shaky breath on the other end. "Well uhm-" Then she mumbled something I couldn't hear. "What was that?"

"Evan is in the hospital." Oh god. "What?!" I felt my breath hitch. "Y-yeah. I'm sorry- I should've told you in a better way!" She sounds super apologetic.

"It's fine. What happened?" My hands are starting to shake. "He-" She stopped for just a moment. "He said that he was cooking I think? And he accidentally stabbed himself?" She seems just as confused as I am.

Shit. Someone else is calling me. "Hey Lana, I gotta go. Someone else is calling me. Sorry." I hung up before either of us could say our goodbyes.

"Hello?"
"Zoe. Please don't be mad."
It was Evan... "I already heard what happened. And I would never be mad at you for it."

"No. I lied. I didn't get hurt while cooking anything." Evans voice was trembling. "Well what happened?"

"I just...I wanted to do it so bad..." His voice broke. "It was so tempting that...I just did it..."

"Did what?"
"I..." He stopped talking completely, the only thing in the background was the beeping of the heart monitor. "I slit my- I didn't- I wasn't trying to-trying to kill myself. I promise. It just happened so-happened so suddenly that I...I lost control of myself..."

He stuttered every few words. There's no way. He wouldn't. Not him...he wouldn't try to do that. No. No he didn't. This is a sick dream. A fucked up nightmare.

"I'm sorry..." His voice was almost below a whisper.

"Hey, hey. It's ok...no need to apologize...there's no need..." Tears spilled out of my eyes like waterfalls, uncontrollably flowing constantly. "I'll be there in just a bit, ok?"

"Ok...thanks Zo..." He had a hint of joy in his soft voice. "See you soon?" That little bit of happiness in his voice was all I needed to hear.

"See you soon." I conformed.
"Bye.." I don't know which one of us hung up first.

"Bye Evan..." I whispered to no one.

This. Is. So. Short. Holy shit. I'm so so sorry. I just really want to do something, but I need a new chapter to do that. I hope y'all understand.