Come, Fly With Me

THIRTY SEVEN

I breathed a deep sigh of relief, "Ehsaan where are you?! I've been worried sick!"

"Aleena I'm at Dadi's"

"Oh"

"I'm sorry I've been so long" he sounded so sad, and it was breaking me to hear him in such a state, so I decided to be easy on him, and said,

"It's okay, when are you coming back?"

"Erm, I'll leave in a few moments, let me just help Dadi first, what was that Dadi...okay, I'll ask her now," he spoke to his grandmother.

"Dadi wants you to come here and have some tea with her, then we'll both go back home together?"

"Sound great, I'll be there soon."

After hanging up, I jumped into the car and drove to Dadi's house, our sanctuary outside of our own home, and the house of the woman who had a lifetime of wisdom and become our confidante. I was eternally grateful that Ehsaan had her so close to him, because after all the difficulties he's been through in his life, she's held him close to her, helped him strengthen his faith with every passing day and been there for him no matter what.

After arriving, I rushed into the house, and almost flew into his arms as I saw him stand up when I walked into the room. His eyes were apologetic as he noticed the tear marks that had traced their way down my cheeks in the last few hours, but I smiled at him in reassurance, grateful that he was now close.

We spent the evening talking to Dadi, no mention of today's events, and although I was glad to have it off my mind, it was something that couldn't be hidden any longer, and the issue needed to be addressed. As soon as possible.

* * *

We sat in the living room, not laying together like we normally do, with him fiddling with my hair as we watch a movie and I lean on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as it soothed me and lulled me to sleep. Tonight we were sitting very much alert and tense, opposite one another on the sofas, waiting for the other to speak up.

Long, heavy minutes passed, but still, nothing.

"Ehsaan, please talk to me. Are you alright?"

He huffed, "Alright?" he got up, "No, I'm not alright."

I looked at him sympathetically.

"You want to know how I got to Dadi's house today? As soon as I left from here, I didn't even know where I was going, I wasn't thinking straight, all I know is that I was feeling immense fury at my mother. I found myself at the graveyard, kneeling by my daughter's resting place, sobbing into the ground and apologising to her endlessly. I couldn't breathe, I was dying inside because I felt so guilty, so incredibly guilty! Our child, who we never even got to bring home –and they want us to just replace her!"

"Ehsaan, I would never have agreed!"

"I know you wouldn't have, but it was her – it was all her. The fact that she even thought for a split second that it was a possibility – it makes me sick!"

I stood up and took him by the shoulders, leaning on my tiptoes with my head held high till my eyes could meet his through our tears.

"She'll never be replaced, Ehsaan. Never." I whispered, desperately, and shaking my head. He closed his eyes, clasping them tightly and not opening them despite the droplets of sorrow that burned their way out. He shook his head.

"I felt so much hatred in those moments, I didn't know what to do. There was an untamed beast within me, waiting for the chains to break so that my anger could finally be let loose! I can't stand the feeling of it swelling inside of me –the intensity killing me, the forcefulness destroying me. I had to do something," his fists were clenched and his eyes wandering from their tight clasp, lost, and alone. Seeing him like this, hearing him like this, is tearing me up more and more with every passing second. "I've never felt like this before –never have I had so much fury and resentment towards anyone –let alone my mother. But I was terrified, and I was hurt, and I felt unforgivable."