Come, Fly With Me

THIRTY ONE

Day two.

Ehsaan and I had a rough night. I was in unbearable pain from my c-section and I was distraught, crying as I realised how serious Inaayah's situation was and how I wasn't able to care for her as a mother should. Ehsaan had been equally disheartened, trying his best to cheer me up and keep positive for both our sakes. Neither of us slept the entire night, so he'd sat beside my bed, holding my hand, hugging me, kissing me, reminding me how well we're doing and how far we've come. He promised that as soon as the doctor checked me over again, he would personally take us both to see our baby girl. And he'd been true to his word. Right now, I'm on my way to the NICU, wrapped in a soft dressing gown and clutching a blanket to keep Inaayah warm. It had been one of the first baby items we'd collected –Ehsaan had chosen it and bought it home from work one day whilst we were still in Dubai as a gift for me, and it was finally going to be put to good use. We washed our hands for five long minutes to rid ourselves of any germs that could be brought into the babies' intensive care ward. Seeing so many tiny bodies fighting for their lives made me so incredibly sad, but knowing that each of them had strength within them to fight to see another day was truly inspirational. We were led to Inaayah'sincubator, and a nurse lifted her out and removed her breathing tube so we could hold her and spend some time with her. I'd brought some milk up with us as her mouth is too small to latch on for me to breastfeed her so I'd been pumping milk to nourish her instead. It's 9am and we intend to spend at least a few hours with her before leaving for my check up with the doctor. We snuggled her and played with her while she was awake, we fed her and changed her tiny nappy, we soothed her as she cried and held her close to us as she slept. A while later, a nurse came and asked us if we wanted to give Inaayahher first bath.

"Yes I'd love to!" I squeaked, and Ehsaan wheeled me over to the bathing station. He helped me stand up and supported me as I shifted my weight on my feet. The nurse had prepared warm water and cotton balls for us to clean her delicate skin, and as Ehsaan held her out over the soft fleecy towel, I gently cleansed her tiny feet and fingers, wiped her eyes and washed her fine hair. We put on a fresh nappy and wrapped her up in her new blanket, before laying her back into her crib to sleep peacefully as the nurses re-installed her breathing aid.

I myself was in desperate need of a shower, I'd been too numb to yesterday, so when we returned to my room, Ehsaan got out some new clothes for me and led me into the bathroom. He stayed there while I washed, making sure he did anything he could to help, and assisted me in washing my long hair. It felt amazing to finally be clean after giving birth, and I eventually felt good enough to walk around a little. The doctor came back to examine me that evening; my stitches had healed fairly quickly so he removed the staples and left the remainder of stitches in place till their work was done. He'd mentioned that I should be ready to be discharged tomorrow, but that made me nervous, as Inaayahwould be going in for her follow-up surgery tomorrow and I didn't want to spend a minute away from her.

Ehsaan went out and got us some food, and we called our parents, who wanted to come and visit us, but we said there was no need as we'd hopefully be home soon anyway.

Day three.

Baby Inaayah's next surgery starts in exactly one hour. I stood outside the NICU, my hands pressed against the glass as I watched doctors and nurses surround my sleeping daughter. Ehsaanwas back in my ward, with the doctors as he signed off some papers and was going to go and collect my prescriptions and medications from the pharmacy downstairs. I decided I'd come right up here instead of following him around, and after he'd forced me to eat breakfast, he agreed, saying,

"You go on ahead without me, I don't want to tire you out. You need to keep your strength up. You need to stay strong. Okay darling?" He was so understanding of my feelings, and didn't hesitate to accommodate to my every need. He was my rock during this difficult time, though I knew he was suffering too.