The Great Forever

05:00

I don't remember the last time I smiled, it seems as though they went away once you did. Hopefully you dragged them to the deep abyss of death so that when I'm done there I will know what it's like to smile and laugh with you again.

It always puzzled me how you were able to smile so much, even when you were in pain. You smiled so much around me, it was like you were my personal sun engulfing me with your bright, opulent rays. But after a while I understood that you smiled to hide the your open wounds from everyone else. No one is able to smile for long though, not even you.

The first time I ever saw you break down was when you drunk dialed me. I had never heard your voice quiver so much from uncertainty. At first it was hard to understand the incoherent words that fumbled out of your lips, but then you just started say sorry over and over again, and that you were "stupid" for calling me in the middle of the night. I don't think I'll ever forget how you sounded that night and the panic that arose in me as I was struggling to find my car keys.

The melancholy words didn't stop when I got to you though. You were sitting on your couch, with about a quarter left of one of Henry's many liquor bottles, and the air was so stale and disconsolate. Tears were just pouring down your face as you took another swig of the bottle and even in disarray and sadness, I though you were the most captivating person in the whole wide world.

So I sat down next to you and you encased yourself into me, as though we were still far apart. And it was quiet till you looked up and asked me "how do stop the world from concaving on you?" and for a long while I was stuck on how to answer, because society something that even the stealthiest people couldn't get away from. Then I remembered all the times that I felt worthy were all because of you, even when I was falling to my death like Icarus.

"Through you, because everything's a little better when I'm with you." I replied. Saying the truth out-loud scared me, but no emotion could have been able to sum up how I felt when I was around you. "All pain hurts a little less when you're not alone." 

I remember, after I said that you started crying harder and I thought I made you upset until you put the bottle down and hugged me so tight it almost hurt. I still chuckle thinking about how long you held on to me in that position with fat tears coming from your eyes as you were softly gasping for air. We stayed on that couch for what felt ages until you yawned and I suggested that we go to bed. You were still stumbling as you were trying to walk to the kitchen to put back the bottle, but I stopped you before you could potentially hurt yourself.

I whispered to you "don't worry about it I'll take care of it, let's just get you tucked in ok," and I had never heard my voice become that small in my life. Your eyes were still glossy, but you agreed and I held you as we made are way up the stairs and to your bedroom. When we got in you fumbled trying to take your clothes off and I helped you with them as well. And you would laugh whenever I lightly grazed your stomach as I was trying to change you in and out your shirts. It made me want to tell you that I felt over the moon.

By the time you were stripped down to just a big oversized shirt and me my boxers, our yawns were mixing into one another making small seraphic music that could only be created by us.

That night I held you the way you held me, and for the first time I became a blazing sun just for you.