The Great Forever

22:00

The first time you found out about my killing was when I showed up drunk to your house at three in the morning with my fathers blood on my hands and clothes. Your glasses were crooked and even though it was pitch black outside the dim light from the lamp post gave way to the fear in your eyes.

"what happened to you?" I stepped closer as you stepped back, "Don't come any closer Elias. What happened!"

I was afraid to show you who I really was, what a monster the devil had created for himself. You were just so pure and gentle like an angelic butterfly, just waiting to take off that I had to lie to you. But you always saw pass my lies and my bluffs as though you were built of a truth serum.

I was sure you'd turn back, run from the love that was kindling in our hearts as though there was never any to begin with, but you didn't you paused and tried to look at me with the same kind eyes as you had done when we first met, faced with contempt. 

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't kick you out right now. Just one. " And that was when it happened, that was when you realized just how deceiving the devil was. "Tell me you're lying and this is all a sick joke!" Pacing back in forth you started to chew on your lip vigorously, "Because life isn't a fucking movie, you can't just do things and not think about the consequences."

Tears of frustration fell down your brown cheeks as I took your shaking hands into my bloodied ones. As the words don't come any closer replayed over and over again implanting themselves into my mind like a record on repeat.

Wiping away your tears I held you as my world was slowly starting to tear down yours brick by brick. You didn't realize the blood that drowned me was starting to pull you in as you caved into me.

Falling into slumber I picked you up and took you to your room, with blurred eyes as my tears were cascading down my cheeks onto your blouse and my dried up blood stained hands. Watching you sleep as I tried to build enough strength to destroy us into oblivion. Walking away was always something I was good at, but with you it was as though I was your hostage and you  my captor.

That morning I was filled with regret as I stood 40ft above the ground ready to crash into the cement pavement that was awaiting for me. Ready to throw myself away as though I was trash that no one wanted that you didn't want. I wasn't a gift brought here by god to do something great for others I was a disease, hell fire in the flesh destroying everything I held in my trembling red stained hands.

To this day I think about what stopped me from jumping from letting go. But now i've realized it had always been you. You were the one that turned my hell fire into a ball of sun, outshining the lies that we were both telling ourselves. You gave me a chance to experience what love felt like  and for that I thank you. I thank you through the dark nights and the gloomy days. God I thank you. And most of all I thank you for giving us a chance.