hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 17

"It's alright," he dismissed, "Are you ready to go back to the penthouse, or do you need to stay here for a while longer?"

"That's okay, we can go back. I took care of everything I needed." I sighed sadly, trying not to think about the red taillight slowly disappearing from my view along with the beautiful raven.

"The car is already waiting. This way," Michael led me outside towards the black vehicle. Once we reached it, he opened the door for me and closed it gently once I was seated inside.

Circling the car, he entered and sat down next to me before the car moved. The ride was silent, and I was thankful neither the driver nor Michael attempted to start a conversation. It must've been visible on my face that I didn't want to talk and would rather stare out the window until we arrived at the apartment.

I let my thoughts flow freely once again as I watched the building and cars passing by my window. I thought about what was next for me now that I no longer had a goal to reach. Thought about her words, about the way she looked at me, and about the way her back looked when she left me all the times before. It hurt, yet I felt emotionless. No tears rushed to my eyes, nothing. I was like a black canvas, the colors of my emotions barely protruding through.

My mind drifted off to Jennie and Jisoo, and to what they would think. If by chance, despite not being as close anymore, Lisa has contacted them. If they knew about what happened today. And I thought about what they would say to me if they saw me now. "Don't give up," sure as hell didn't sound like a reliable option now.

I started to feel like a character in one of Jisoo's books. Like a tragic hero in a dramatic novel. However, I was a hero no one would cheer for. The book would be boring because all I wanted to do was give up. That, or I was at a complete loss, like now. A hero that no longer wanted to fight. And though the main character was called the hero, if there was a novel about me, I would be the loser. There was nothing heroic about my actions, and all I really wanted was to disappear into thin air because trying was too much, and I no longer had it in me to fight.

All books were aiming somewhere. The plot had a direction that it took, something it wanted to achieve. A satisfying ending, even if not a happy one. Yet, I was here. Was this the end of my book? If so, it must've been really dull, definitely not worth writing. Because since the start, there was no goal, no grand finale I was to achieve.

Since the beginning, there were just hopes and dreams that were so unrealistic, even the most naïve reader could not be swayed into believing them. I was a bad person, and no one cheered for those. Maybe if I was a book, I'd be a satire one. I was the only one who viewed it tragically while others would just laugh. Yeah, that would make sense.

Always deep in thought, never acting on my impulses, and always sort of hoping for the best. That was what I was best at. And now, I lost all motivation.

That's when it hit me.

Out of nowhere.

I wasn't even thinking about it, and yet it came to me. I could practically see the lightbulb going off above my head. I felt my eyes widen as they were about to bulge out of my head, and I stopped breathing for a second.

It was insane. A completely crazy idea that could end very badly. It could render things beyond repair completely. I mean, who in their right mind would go through with something like that?

I would. I was the crazy person. And I no longer cared. If this was the last thread I could take, I would take it. Things were already beyond repair now. This was my last chance. And even if it ending badly was the highest probability, once I've thought of it, I couldn't let it go without trying. I couldn't let Lisa go without trying this one last thing.