Iz*one's baby

Mommy Eunbi

Lee Yeongja: I see it your first time here Iz*one! Don't worry, no need to be nervous. You seem so nervous Jahoon.

Yeongjae sunbaenim put her hand on mine to calm me down and I bowed my head a little to show that I was fine.

Shin Dongyeob: Be careful Jahoon, she is a man.

Yeongjae sunbaenim threw her pillow at Dongyeob sunbaenim, making me and the whole studio laugh.

Kim Taegyun: Jahoon and Eunbi, you two have been in the known survival show: Produce 48. Didn't you guys have any concerns when you were on the show? or do you have any concerns now?

I looked over to Eunbi and to see if she wanted to answer. As the leader she was, she took the question on her.

Eunbi: Well I think every idol may have felt this at some point. Both during my trainee time in Woollim entertainment and the time to produce 48, made me worry about: "am I going to debut? When am I going to debut?" I have so many thoughts about it. After have debuted as an Iz*one member, I can still not worry about how I should act or behave, because I am always worrying about if I make any people mad with the things I am doing.

I keep looking at Eunbi unnies face while she was talking. I could agree more with her. The thoughts and worries about debuting or not filled almost 80% of trainees mind. I took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. She looked at me and smiled.

Jahoon: The hardest part for me was that I felt very lonely and was appreciated for my hard work. Neither from my friends, the other trainers or the teacher but also my parents and my family wasn't appreciated me and supported me for my dream but instead thought that I was dumb to choose this way instead of choosing business and math when I was good at it in school.

I stared down at the floor and could feel a tear roll down my cheek. I hurriedly wiped it off and smiled at the audience and looked at the camera. The whole studio was quiet.

Jahoon: But don't worry! We have talked about it and resolve it, so there aren't any problems between us anymore. We have grown to understand each other better and our love for each other as a family has gotten stronger.

Lee Yeong Ja: You did well Jahoon by following your dream. Let's give Jahoon and Eunbi a big hand for not giving up on their dreams, even in their hard moments.

The audience clapped at us and Eunbi unnie held my hand more tightly. I looked at her and could see the sorrow in her eyes. I gave her a fly kiss while I was winking at her to make her smile again before she smacked my arm lightly.

Shin Dongyeob: Now let's see today's concerns.

Kim Tae Gyun: Jahoon... Are you alright?

I looked at the person, who caused the concern, in the audience. My tears rolled down my cheeks slowly and I felt like there wasn't anybody around me. Eunbi Unnie nudged me and my sense came back to me.

Jahoon: The reason I'm crying right now is that I know how it feels to not be appreciated and supported when you are following your dream, but the thing that makes me the saddest is that you are using all of your money up when she already is working so many jobs to support you, your siblings and herself financially. I feel like you don't care about your parents. It is your dream and you should work hard to make it happen without your mother's help. You should even be able to support yourself now when you are at the age of 24. Even the way you belittle, get angry and threaten your parents aren't right. I really hate that type of people, who don't respect and care for their parents, when they have done so much for us, from birthing us to help us grow to who we are today.

I sighed and pressed the button to show that I thought that it was a concern. I keep looking down and thought back on my life. One of the reasons that made my mental health go bad was that I feel like I wasn't loved by my parents. Even when I did something good or did something they like I wouldn't get a compliment for it or even hear the words: "I am proud of you." It was the thing that made the water flow over the glass but it wasn't the reason that began my mental health problem.

At the break, Eunbi unnie came over to me and patted me on my head. I looked at her before pushed her hand away from my head and walked over to the corner. I put my earphone in my ears and began to compose some music on my computer the whole break.

This is the first time, I have felt so angry in my life. I tried to hold it back and it seems like I haven't calmed down from it. The whole ride back to the dorm was really tense. I looked out of the window but could feel that Eunbi unnie was looking over at me once in a while. I couldn't gather my courage or thoughts to talk with her about today. I know that she is worried about me but who I am have lived my life until now. No one has tried to understand me, from kid to now and that may be why I have closed myself so much. I looked over to Eunbi unnie, who looked me in the eyes before pulling me into a hug. I could feel that my tear was going to fall down in a moment. I suppressed them and buried my head into her neck. She smells good like the first time we met.

Eunbi: You know that you can always tell me anything if there is anything wrong or you want to talk. Unnie will always be there for you.

She whispered in my ear. It made me shiver but also happy in a way that I can't explain. I pulled a little away and looked at her face. There was something about her face that made me want to look at it the whole time.

Jahoon: I'm glad that I have met you, unnie... I don't know what I should have done with my life if it weren't for you.

Manager: We are back at the dorm girls!

I pulled away from Eunbi unnie and walked inside the dorm. I could feel that my cheeks were beginning to get warmer and warmer, the more I thought about the moment.

Nako: Unnie, you alright? Your face is red. You aren't sick?

Nako tiptoed as much as she could and tried to reach my forehead with her hand. I chuckled and bowed a little down, so I would be facing her directly in the face. 10 cm away. Now it was her time to get hot in the face. She flicked my nose before running inside her room. I shook my head. Suddenly I could feel a pair of arms wrapping around my waist. I looked to my left side and saw Eunbi unnie smiling at me.

Jahoon: You want me to sleep with you tonight huh?

Eunbi unnie nodded before pulling me inside her room, not allowing me to wash up. Sorry, Yena. Can't sleep with you tonight.