Back to Me (Book Three ✓)

seven

I absorb the words with closed eyes as I lean my head against the door, memories and thoughts and worries all blurring together in my brain.

"How the hell am I gonna be a dad?" I groan, wondering what sick kind of joke the universe thinks this is. You're the guy that ruins everything he touches? Here - here's a fucking kid.

Dex surprises me by chuckling. "I don't think anyone really knows until they do it. But remember,"

"Keep moving forward." I repeat the mantra with him, feeling only slightly less uneasy than I did before.

***

The rehab center seems less like a prison now that I'm finally leaving. Melanie, with her bible and rosary beads, is less annoying this morning. Parker is oddly quiet today, mad at me, I think, but even that doesn't damper my good spirits.

Well, good-ish. In here, it's easy to be in control. There's nothing to tempt me, nothing to throw me off track. Out there is a whole other story. I squint at the bright light coming through the window, knowing there's a mess waiting for me on the other side of all this.

I take a large bite of oatmeal, my final breakfast here, and throw the rest in the trash on my way to my last group therapy session. Dex had been on me the entire time about participating more in the group setting, but for the most part, I've been hesitant. So far letting people in hasn't gotten me very far, but as I'm leaving today...

"Beau, would you like to share?" Callie smiles warmly from the front of the room and I stand without pressure from Parker this time. Beside me, he crosses his arms over his chest, a crease formed between his brows.

"Three months sober." I mutter, stuffing my hands in my pockets. I keep my eyes on the floor - performing never made me nervous, but standing up in front of a group of people to talk about my problem? It never fails to make my skin crawl. "The last time I was here I thought I'd be fine, never have to be in a place like this again. This time I guess I'm smarter because I'm really nervous to go out there again." I trail off, feeling patient eyes on me the entire time. "But I got some news the other day and now there's someone else out there depending on me. So I'm thankful for everyone here," I gesture to the nurses and therapists, and chuckle humorlessly. "But I don't plan on seeing you guys again."

Everyone in the room claps, even Parker. His are slow and deliberate, but as I roll my eyes at the applause, his grin grows wider. I take my seat beside him again, feeling the color in my cheeks as someone else stands to speak.

"Who's gonna tell Mel to shut the hell up with her bible crap now?" Parker mumbles, keeping his eyes cast forward.

"You, I guess." I murmur in response. "Or you could just let her have it." I shrug, watching Melanie wipe a tear from her eye as a new woman shares her story. Parker shoots me a dirty look before silently shaking his head.

After a couple of other people speak, Callie wraps up the session and most of us stand to leave, but I notice Parker lingering in his chair.

"You okay?" I ask, running a hand through my hair and wishing for a hair-tie.

"This place is gonna suck way more with you gone. He shrugs. "But I don't plan on staying here much longer."

"Good." I grab his shoulder and he looks up at me in shock. "When you get out, come see me. We'll finish those guitar lessons, yeah?"