Frisson

39 | the best mistake

"No!" She shoves me back. "I love Chace. He's my boyfriend and I love him." She shuts her eyes and holds her fists around her head. "You ruined everything. He's never going to trust me again. I was doing so well."

My heart stops. Oxygen bleeds from my lungs. I grab her wrist hard and fast. "No. You can't tell him." Fear rattles my soul as I realize the betrayal I've just committed. I didn't just kiss Rory. I kissed my brother's girlfriend. The one thing that's made him genuinely happy in years, I kissed her. Tainted his happiness for my own selfish feelings. Regret rips into my soul. "You can't tell him," I choke out. "He'll hate me." He'll hate me so much.

"I'm not going to lie to him," she says incredulously. "I would never lie to him."

"You don't understand! He's my brother. He will hate me. I can't take that. I can't, Rory."

"I would never lie to him." she insists and wipes her eyes with her free hand. "He's the only good thing that's ever happened to me. I won't betray his trust. I won't."

"Please, do it for me," I beg. I grab her other wrist, forcing her to look at me. "You're not lying to him; you're protecting me and our relationship. I'm the one that kissed you and I need to own up to it. Let me tell him, okay? It has to come from me."

She hesitates. Fear swirls inside me eyes as she weighs my reasoning. She snatches her wrists away and rubs them like my touch is poisonous. "You have to tell him or I will."

"Fine. I'll tell him." When I'm ready.

She gives me a cold look, one I've never seen from her even when I've irritated her a million times. "Stay away from me." Her words are just as cold, harsh, and she shoves past me with all of her might.

I've ruined everything. Ruined her. As much as the idea excited me for just a moment that she might feel the chemistry between us, I should have known it wouldn't be enough. She loves my brother and now she hates me. I hold my head as it pounds and pulses with grief. Chace will hate me. I blink back tears as the severity of what I just did hits me again. I can't take it back. I can never take it back.

I will never tell Chace.

I can't go home. Can I even call it home anymore? It's Chace's house and I've betrayed him. My own brother, he's done everything for me, and I do this to him? The sick part is, I still want to. I want to keep holding her and kissing her. I want to explore that brief explosion we had. There's more to us, so much more.

"Fuck," I cry and crouch to the floor. How can I feel this way? Why do I feel more upset about losing Rory than ruining my relationship with my brother? Two decades. For two decades he's been by my side, and I screwed up the one thing he loves the most. I'm evil. The shittiest person on this planet. I have to stay away from her. I have to. There's no way in hell I'll be able to move on until I kill these feelings I have for her.

Gathering myself, I go to the edge of the pool and pick up my clothes. I glance back at the water as the sun continues to lower, leaving the softest colors to glisten in the sky and reflect against the surface. Just moments ago, we were fine. I was fine with her never finding out. Then the dumbest part of my existence blabbered. I couldn't take it. I wanted her to know. Now I want her to forget it ever happened.

My pants begin to vibrate. I dig through them to find my phone ringing. The world screeches to a halt. It's Chace. Did she tell him? She promised me. I still need time to think about this. Trembling, I answer his call. I hold the phone to my ear and wait for him to chew me out, to declare that we are no longer brothers in his eyes and that I'm dead to him. Instead, I am greeted with a hefty breath. "Hello?"