Who do you love?

19

Everywhere Calum looked he was reminded of Teal.

The clouds looked like her, the color of the sky matched that of her eyes, the smell of the candle burning in the guest house had the same notes as her perfume. He saw her in the smoke of his cigarette, images from the night that first week when she had caught him in the middle of a cigarette and given him the lecture on why smoking was terrible for him, filling his head. He had heard it all before of course, but the sad look she had given him after she finished her spiel had been enough to convince him to snuff out the one he had lit that night and even now he found himself smothering the one in his hand before he had really even gotten to enjoy it.

Part of him just wanted to crumble. To just call the whole show a wash and show up at her door confessing his feelings for her and pleading with her to feel the same. That was just it though, he knew she more than likely didn't. It stung, to realize that he saw someone in a way they didn't view him and to know that she probably would never get the same stirrings in her chest the way he felt them when his heart worked in overdrive anytime he caught a glimpse of her.

It was unfair, cruel even, to feel like this about someone so obviously not meant for him and the longing within him he felt had slowly started to be overshadowed by anger and frustration. He wasn't angry at Teal, no he doubted if that was even an emotion he could ever feel at her. He was just helplessly saddened by the situation and circumstances he found himself in and he desperately needed a distraction.

Jules would be the ticket. He had feelings for her, on paper she was perfect and though he didn't feel the way about her that he had come to feel about Teal, he thought that perhaps with a bit more effort on his part he could learn to feel that way about her. She'd been the frontrunner of the girls from the show for a long time and he wanted to move things forward with her.

He'd gone into sex with Rileigh hastily, letting his body take over and that's why it had resulted in the total dumpster fire that it had been. He didn't want to go that route with Jules. He really did care about her and he wanted to show that and if things led to where he hoped they would he knew he would form a bond with her that would help him forget about Teal, he'd finally be freed from her hold and he could move on. Or at least he really fucking hoped that would be what happened.

He made a plan, writing out a list of what he would need and sending it to the runners in charge of bringing both he and the girls shopping requests back to set, careful that he avoided Teal, she didn't need to see this. He sucked his teeth, annoyed at himself that he couldn't escape her even in his thoughts.

Why couldn't he just let it go? Why did she have this completely unexplainable hold on him? He'd been in love before, or at least he was pretty sure he had and not even his ex had completely consumed him like this. It was like he couldn't even breathe without thinking about her and that was terrifying.

*

Teal felt...unsettled. Like she was in the middle of some cruel prank and waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was getting harder to have to watch Calum with other girls. To see someone else get everything her heart was so set on wanting no matter how loud her brain screamed 'no'.

He'd caught her a few times. Staring at him. She hadn't known what to do really, he'd seemed almost surprised every time and she had found his piercing brown eyes hard to look away from. She'd told herself she had to though, and even though it hurt like hell she was doing her best to try and survive each day by just doing her job. It was a bit of a lost cause, since her entire job revolved around the man she needed to clear from her head.

She flopped against her bed. The day had felt extraordinarily long. Calum had taken Ansley on a one-on-one. They'd driven out to the coast in a car he had rented for them and taken turns taking pictures with her fancy camera before sharing a picnic on the beach. Teal thought it was incredibly sweet that he had picked something so low key and normal that the girl he was with was sure to enjoy. Often they had the problem of the guys in Calums role wanting to show off and selecting incredibly over the top dates that the girls weren't interested in nor comfortable with which made getting the footage needed hard. Getting footage today had been a breeze.

Now she was tired, all of her muscles throbbing from exhaustion, she'd climbed a cliffside with one of the cameramen in order to get a perfect shot angle and she was paying for it now. Her arm rose and her forearm covered her face as she breathed out a heavy sigh, she needed a shower. Teal gathered her things and stepped into her room's ensuite, starting the water and undressing herself before slipping beneath the steady stream. The water droplets fell over her skin, washing her clean of everything except the thoughts of Calum that she couldn't ever seem to shake.

How had he done it? How had he worked himself so completely under her skin to the point where it felt like every minute, every second of her day was somehow entangled with him. It wasn't fair and it couldn't continue like this forever. She would have to find a way to break the cycle.

She cut the water and stepped from the shower, she felt clean but not renewed. She dressed herself in her night clothes, a college t-shirt she had stolen from her brother years ago and a pair of gray sweats, grabbing her beaten up old guitar from the corner of her room and a jacket before stepping silently out onto the small balcony. She came out here a lot after her work day was finished, she had found a sort of a haven in the view of the hills below and the quiet that she discovered there. Her fingers pricked at the strings, absently playing along to a radiohead song she'd memorized years before. She didn't play often and she sang even less but even so she found her lips moving along with the lyrics and her soft voice carried with the wind to the world below.

It was a way that, even if for just a moment, she could escape for a while and go back to before. When Calum was just a face in a crowd and her life hadn't felt completely out of her own control. When her fingers began to ache, she didn't have the callouses on her fingers that came from frequent playing, she leaned the neck of the guitar against the railing of the porch, pulling her knees up to her chest and leaning back in the deck chair she was occupying, her eyes studying the stars, set in their far away courses, and wondering if there was anyone else, on this planet or some other in a far off undiscovered galaxy, who felt the same as she did.

*

The sound of someone's voice gently paired with the soft hum of a guitar stopped Calum in his tracks as he carried the bags of things he had requested towards the guest house. If the noise alone didn't, the lyrics he would have recognized anywhere would have when he had distinguished them.

I don't care if it hurts

I wanna have control

I want a perfect body

I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice

When I'm not around

You're so fuckin' special

I wish I was special

He let out a huff as his shoulders sagged. Teal would know his favorite Radiohead song. He could see her from where he was standing but he doubted she could see him, especially with nightfall darkening the area between the mansion and guest house so he stood for a few minutes, listening to her play and letting her voice carry to his ears. She could carry a tune nicely and though her version was different from the original it was beautiful in it's effortlessness and he wished he had the nerve to march up to the door and sweep her off her feet.

The bags he was holding weighed heavily in his hands however so he blew out a breath through his nose, annoyed with himself for once again not being able to keep the thoughts at bay, and turned back towards the guest house. A new sense of urgency in his motions as he resumed his task.

AN: What is Cal doing?

Are you annoyed with them both yet?

Anyone just want to scream at them to get over themselves and love each other? Because I do and they're my dang characters

Ily,

Sav