Who do you love?

1

January 1, 2019

In the heart of New York the sound of a New Year erupted as the ball in Times Square descended and the clock struck midnight.  Calum could just make out the glow from the scene on the television, in the distance from the window of the enclosed balcony, at the party he was attending.

Somewhere amongst the masses of people that were crammed into the luxury apartment were his best friends, Michael, Luke, Ashton, and Roy, who was also his roommate. He hadn't seen them in a bit but he didn't particularly mind. He wanted the time to himself, needed it really. Besides, they all had dates to kiss as the new year breezed in like a gust of wind and he, well, he had his drink.

He lifted the crystal glass and knocked back the remaining liquid, feeling the burn of the bourbon as it worked its way down.

If his management had their way, he wouldn't be partaking in these same festivities next year alone. That was the main reason his friends were in New York with him. He'd had his last meeting with the producers, of the show he'd been talked into by his management, the day before and the boys had wanted to show him their support. He'd have preferred for them to have shown it when the idea had first been proposed but he was trying not to hold it against them, he had after all come to accept the idea.

He and the boys would all fly back to LA the next evening and Calum was due on set the following day. As much as he hated the premise of the show, he wasn't opposed to finding someone for himself. Perhaps that was why he hadn't fought back as hard as he probably could have against the whole idea when it had first been thrust upon him. His psyche had subconsciously been accepting and now he found himself on the cusp of a dating reality show. How the fuck did he end up here?

It had been a while since he'd been with anyone seriously and he craved what his friends had all found in their partners. If the experience would garner him a smidge of what they had each found then he would consider himself lucky and count the opportunity, although unorthodox, as a blessing.

"What are you doing? Come back inside." Ashton called to him from the balcony doorway.

"Just needed some room to breathe. It's packed in there."

"That just means you aren't drunk enough. Come on, let's go. Shots. Now." His friend told him sternly and Calum laughed in agreement, letting his best friend pull him towards the kitchen and bar area of the apartment.

Calum didn't know who actually owned the place they were in but whoever it was had provided an excellent selection of drinks and a bartender to procure them for the beau-coups of guest that filled every free space.

Ashton asked for shots of tequila and Luke appeared practically out of thin air at the mention of his alcohol of choice.

Ashton held the last shot up in Michaels direction, he was cuddled up on a plush red velvet couch with Crystal and shook his head to, unsurprisingly, turn them down. He hated tequila.

KayKay reached over Ashton and swiped the extra shot right from his hand, a mischievous grin on her face, but Ashton only leaned back slightly on the bar stool he sat on and kissed her cheek. Unbothered by her desire to join them.

Ashton handed each of them a lime and the four participants clinked their glasses together, tapping the bottoms against the bar before downing the shot, grimacing as they quickly bit down on the lime.

"Argh.." Calum said as he cleared his throat. "Think I'm more on Michael's side of the Tequila argument." He said with a raise of his eyebrows as he sat the shot glass, now empty, and lime rind back on the bar to be cleared.

"We can do a shot of something else?"

"No, no. I think I may just call it a night. We've got the flight tomorrow—er, well, I guess tonight— and then I'm not gonna have free time for God knows how long. I'll see you guys. Be safe." He said, offering a round of waves to his friends as he pushed through the most densely populated areas of the party and worked his way to the elevator. Once inside, he released a tired breath. He truly was exhausted, and part of that came from the toll that being around so many people took on him. He was a friendly guy and as social as the next person but there were often times where he just preferred to be alone and that was the mood he found himself in.

His hotel wasn't far, only about ten blocks, so he decided to forego calling a car and instead headed back on foot. The night was cold, but not unfathomably so. By New York standards the weather was mild, a cool forty degrees that made it just chilly enough to feel refreshing as he walked down the street with his overcoat wrapped around the sparkly suit jacket he'd worn for the occasion. It was a fan favorite clothing item of his and one he was rather fond of as well.

His breath was visible in the night and it reminded him of smoke which led him to reach into the pocket of his coat and produce his pack of cigarettes. He had cut back tremendously recently, no longer the chain smoker he had once been since learning to control his nerves a bit more without them but he still relished the burn the nicotine created as he filled his lungs with smoke.

The embers from the lit end of his Marlboro gave off seemingly no light when compared to the glowing neon of the city that surrounded him and yet he was fixated on the way they changed from bright orange to a kind of red. His eyes looking more at that than at the people who passed around him. Instinctively, his body seemed to register the street signs but otherwise his mind wandered free, daydreaming, or more accurately night-dreaming about what the next few weeks might hold for him and whether or not he was truly ready to face it.

He wanted to feel prepared but he was hesitant, scared to get his hopes up. He had traveled the road of heartbreak before and he didn't much like the idea of opening himself up to the potential of that hurt again but he'd already signed away his life. His contract signaling his agreement to participate in the reality dating show held his messy scrawl of a signature in shiny black ink.

It was what it was. If things didn't pan out it wouldn't be the dumbest thing he had ever done. He wasn't even sure he could pick simply one stupid thing from his past to take the cake. For what it was worth his parents and sister were thrilled about it. Hopeful that being forced to meet girls who were, on paper, perfect for him would lead him to stray from his reclusiveness. He hadn't been on a date in over a year, not since he'd had his heart torn to pieces by his last girlfriend.

The lighted signage of his hotel appeared in the distance and he stubbed out his cigarette, tossing the remnants into a garbage can as he greeted the doorman and found his way to the elevator. He pushed the button for the top floor and was thankful he'd been granted the privilege of being alone. He was too in his head to make mindless small talk and definitely too drained to deal with fans.

The elevator pinged to let him know he'd reached his floor and he stepped into his suite, immediately crashing into his bed and falling into a fitful sleep, fully clothed.

An: y'all this is gonna be different but it's gonna be good

I hope you'll stick it out with me!
Ily,
Sav 🖤