Bees & Honey [H.S]

Chapter 20

A million thoughts were running through my head, but in the pace that made none of them stick for me to process, giving me that hollow feeling. Not being sober didn't help with that. I was trying to look for my phone but I could barely concentrate on it. The panic had caused us both to start fumbling with the nearest thing and create space between us. My first thought was to turn off the music still blasting. Why I thought it was such a great idea, I didn't know. If I thought it was awkward trying not to be awkward after the kiss in front of all our friends who were walking towards us, the silence that settled only made it worse.

"What are you doing Sugar?" Grimmy exclaimed, disappointed. He was the first one to reach the kitchen island and stood opposite aside from me and Harry. I haven't dared to look at Harry. I was afraid that if I did I would become transparent, and the rest of the group would see through me.

"I'm going to bed." I explained. If Grimmy was disappointed before, the look on his face made his last comment become nothing. I would have loved to stayed up with them, but with my fear of having the words 'I kissed Harry' written on my forehead for everyone to read it by my lack of acting in this state, I figured it was best that I deviated.

With the complaints following I still didn't budge. Instead, I kindly comforted their drunk and dramatic asses with the fact that we would see each other for breakfast in a couple of hours.

While backing up towards the stairs, still playfully arguing with the rest of the group I felt a pair of eyes search mine. Yet, I couldn't for the life of me find the courage to meet them. They were digging holes, burning me with intensity. I was afraid of what they would say, and I wasn't sure yet what mine would reveal.

Hands on my stomach over the covers, I laid in bed and watched the ceiling, trying to spell out my thoughts on the white canvas of it. The only one that came out clear enough was- what the hell were we thinking? Of course this was a drunken mistake. Still, the flutters in my stomach surprised me every time I thought back to it. Stop Bianca. For the same exact reason I tried to forbid myself from taking my thoughts back to that place, that moment. It only was a moment, we had been too caught up in a drunken moment to think clearly. But still, what the hell were we thinking? I placed a hand over my eyes, cringing at the thought. But the darkness behind the hand played the film of Harry leaning into my lips. I sighed, slamming the hand back on top of the other on my stomach. That was the reason I had not been able to fall asleep for the last twenty minutes, even if I had tried. The sound of the rest laughing and playing music downstairs didn't really help as well.

A new sound caught my attention when I heard a pair of feet lightly walking in the hallway outside my door. As if I could see them I turned my head to face the door instead of the ceiling. The light seeping in under it from outside my room left a shadow at the bottom of it, standing between me and Harry's room. Silence followed the pausing of steps, and the shadow stood still for a second. I held my breath, waiting for something that never came. Instead, the shadow disappeared to the sound of the other door opening.

This was our last complete day in L.A together. And for that, the group had since a couple of days back planned a day at the beach in Malibu. That had been the main topic for most of the breakfast. When I stepped down the stairs this morning for breakfast, Harry was already sitting by the table accompanied by Adam, Mitch and Clare.

I walked up to them and pulled out the chair next to Mitch who had Harry sitting across from him.

"Morning." I spoke softly, trying not to disturb their conversation. The night's thinking had made me come to one conclusion- this doesn't have to change anything, you don't want it to change anything, so don't let it- act normal. Apparently, this surprised Harry. He looked up at me, first off being surprised that I even spoke, but what made his eyes grow big was the fact that I didn't flinch when they met mine. I gave him a sweet smile, trying to assure him that I was fine, we were fine.