Loving Lakyn | ✓

[65] Withdrawal

L O V I N G
L A K Y N

L I L A ' S P O V

SABINE TOYED WITH one of her long braids as she skimmed through my enormous pile of notes taking through the semester for math. "And I thought that I was neat." she looked up at me momentarily, a pleased smile on her lips. "Are you sure that it's okay I keep all these?"

I nodded. "Of course. I've practically memorized everything word for word." I smiled, sipping from my straw.

For the past hour, we have sat here. We came here straight over school. Originally, I had planned on going straight home—well, the Rivers' home—but Sam overheard the end of mine and Lakyn's conversation and has no laid off my back about it. I told him that it was fine and I hid every ounce of emotion but he seems to think that just because he let me through his front door, he is entitled to know everything wrong in my life.

I understand he cares but if I wanted him to know, he would know.

So, to save myself from more concerning questions, I gladly took up Sabine's offer to go to Melrose's as I was meant to give her these notes last week but I completely blew her off because the last thing that I wanted to do was sit with someone in a public setting and discuss math. But turns out, being with her has helped lift my spirits drastically.

She knows nothing about me except for the things that I have made known to her. She knows nothing about my messy break-up nor my lack of friendships at the moment. All she does know is that Lakyn and I called quits because I am not willing to try long distance—which is not completely lie, though it is only a three-quarters of the reason for why we ended.

I still feel only half-alive but hanging around with someone so much like me is far more expecting than I would have thought. Her excessive talking about fashion-photography and all things Elliot takes my mind away from my darker thoughts.

The sound of Sabine's phone vibrating against the wooden surface of the table startled me as her boyfriends' best friend's name appeared on her lockscreen. She stared at the screen blankly for a long time but just before the caller was sent to voicemail, she answered.

Not caring to listen to her conversation, I gazed out of the window directly next to me, light rain pattering against the glass, the small droplets falling from the grey clouds which seemed to replicate the way that I feel.

Turning my attention away from the gloomy sky, I sucked my straw, slurping the last ounce of liquid from the plastic cup, when Sabine hastily stood up, grabbing her backpack and slinging it over one shoulder, carefully slipping my notes into her bag.

"I'm so sorry but I've got to go. It totally slipped my mind that I have plans." she seemed flustered. "But thank you so much for the notes."

I nodded, smiling as I stood up. "Do you need a ride?" I asked her seeing as she does not have a car which I discovered her when she asked if I was able to drive her here.

"Cam's picking me up, but thank you." she politely declined; her nude-lipstick painted lips forming a grateful smile. "But—actually, you know what? You should come."

Her tone of voice lifted as excitement tainted her last words, so it made it even harder to say what I was about to say. "Honestly, I would love to, but maybe another time?" I suggested.

Though this afternoon has been splendid, it still took a lot for me to come here, sit down, and engage in a conversation for just over an hour. As nice as Sabine and all of her friends are, I think that I need to go be alone now. Not so that I can cry and hide from all of society, but because being alone is what is best for me right now. Even the smallest of things can be so triggering and though there are so many other things of which I should be doing right now, like finding an apartment to live in, in London, or purchasing a plane ticket, I know that my mental health is more important right now.