Loving Lakyn | ✓

[61] Fucking Lakyn

L O V I N G
L A K Y N

SABINE AND I walked side by side as we made our way toward our next class which we both thankfully had together. Her boyfriend, Elliot, walked alongside us too, his hand holding hers as they talked about their plans for after school. How it was a Tuesday which is their date night each week. From what I have heard from Sabine herself, Elliot's mother has internalized racism, as well as many other things that prevent her from seeing Sabine as a beautiful—and strong—woman of color, whereas Sabine's father whom she lives with simply does not like Elliot.

They both sound terribly old-fashioned. One parent wants their daughter to bring someone home with their entire life planned from beginning to end, each job, dream, and hobby strategically placed on a metaphorical timeline, then the other parent wants their son to bring home a white girl because people older than us, unfortunately, have not gotten the whole everyone is equal idea.

"So, what do you think, Lila?" she asked, turning to send me a questioning look.

My eyes widened as I realized I had unintentionally zoned out. I thought back to the last thing that I heard her say. "You were saying that you could not decide between. . ." I bit down on my bottom lip. "Sorry." I had forgotten.

I knew that they were deciding between to places for which their date would be held, I just do not recall what the places actually were.

The subject of dates made me think about how Lakyn and I have never been on one. We were only together for a matter of three-ish months, maybe four, but never once did we go out anywhere together, romantically. But I never cared at the time, being at home with him, seated in front of his television with Marley was far better than a date ever could come close to being.

But I feel as though we should have at least been on one, right? I am aware that every relationship and person is different but the idea of getting dressed up and getting a text from him at six PM sharp, notifying me that he was at the door waiting for me, made me wistful, sad that I never got to experience that.

But how could we experience that? Not long after we began to fall for each other, I moved in with him. Besides, we never really were the typical couple. It was not until he saved me from another drunk, careless man's decision that I realized that he was not some complete monster. Our first in-depth conversation was at a party in Ridgewood when he confronted me about my eating disorder. 

Our first kiss was at prom, long before we fell for each other completely. And it was not until my mother passed that I confessed my love for him, amidst being a walking train wreck. Timing never has been our strong suit, in the end, it was what ruined us.

"No worries, I knew you weren't listening." she chuckled and I rolled my eyes, an amused smile playing on my lips. "Are you excited for the game next Friday?"

I shrugged. I was not sure whether I was going to attend or not. I wanted to because I have never missed a single one, but he would be playing and all I am going to want to do is scream to the top of my lungs and cheer him on.

But there is nothing wrong with supporting him. I am just not sure what is and is not okay to do right now, everything is just blurry and unclear.

"You've gotta come." Elliot butted in, leaning over Sabine slightly, so that he could see my face. "It's the biggest and last game of the year. New opponents, better players. It's gonna be intense."

I smiled slightly, nodding. "Come on, girl. You have to come. I'll be there." Sabine spoke in her thick British accent.

Before I could respond, my phone began buzzing in the pocket of my skirt and I pulled it out, my eyebrows knitted together with confusion as I wondered who could be calling me, when I then saw the name Hale on the screen.