A/n:This chapter hits home to me due to family members in my life so please be nice and don't leave rude comments
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You walk out of the alley and wrap your coat over you when the New York snowy winds hits you. It's your favorite time of the year, Christmas Eve . You're blessed to come to see y/d/n at Timotheé parents house. She has been with Timotheé and his parents all day for Christmas . She's been a mini Timotheé lately and it's getting harder to handle her witty remarks, from what Timotheé told me last time we talked. You wondered what Y/d/n was doing now.
As much as his family shunned her away from you, you still think about her and Timotheé. She is your only child and he is the father of your child. He did hurt you though, he left you took y/d/n . Though all you know about him is that he been appearing in movies, he has a new girlfriend and that y/d/n has gotten into ice skating. The cold winds feels like sharp knives slicing your face, but it did feel good to be deserted and cold. You wait by the road by a store. You look at the reflection of yourself and your heart hurts to see yourself look unrecognizable anymore. I can't do this, his whole family will look down at me the whole time. Y/d/n will be so disappointed in me, I promised her I'd stop doing drugs. I'm like my father making false promises.
Flashback
"Dad I'm home..." I throw my backpack down in the mud with my report card in my hand.
I walk into the kitchen and see the back of his head sitting on his chair in through the living room. I chuckle softly and walk over to where my life took the biggest turn in my life. Dad looks up at me with a disoriented smile on his face. A smile that I imagine over and over on the school bus here for when he sees my all A's report card wasn't there. It was mocking, crippling and a wrecking smile.
Tears poured and his smile went away.
"Y/n don't cry baby. look this is just a one time thing I promise that this is my last."His voice is rugged and slurred. - I pull out my phone and sigh. I don't want to break y/d/n but it's best for her to not see me at all than like this. My mom left me when I was two, my dad was on every possible drugs till he overdosed, I raped by my foster dad till I was able to leave. Then I met Timotheé at a coffee shop and my life turned into the better, but I pushed my trauma till it destroyed everything I had. I dial Timotheé number and he answers on the second ring.
"Hey I can see you stay there." He says before hanging up.
I sigh and smooth down my hair to look better. Timotheé pulls up in his car and he gets out. He walks over to me but midway hesitates. Timothée looks at me with a emotionless face as if he is processing something in his head. I walk over to him and give him a friendly hug . His body is warm yet stiff, he smelled like expensive cologne and his favorite soap. You back away but you heart shattered to see Timotheé's girlfriend looking at you two content in the passenger seat. You look down and see a silver band on his left hand.
"Congratulations..." You let out.
He pushes his hands in his pockets and clear his voice and nods.
"Come on lets get you in the car." Timotheé avoids and turns opening the backseat.
You put your hurt ego in away and got into the heated car. Her expensive perfume faintly lingered in the air and I could barely smell my cheap perfume. Her hair is thick and perfectly curled and her face is drop dead gorgeous. It's like seeing someone so perfect you wanted to hate them. She's seems responsible, understanding everything you'd want in a step mom, I wish I had a mom like her. Sometimes when I call I can hear her and y/d/n having a laugh. I wish I was her so bad. You say a small hello to her and her voice is like honey when she speaks back.
Timotheé gets in and glances back at you in the mirror before focusing back to wait for a entrance to get onto the busy road. You could see y/d/n features on him and it scared you. This is y/d/n father and at the end of the day you're happy you picked him out of all the men to be her father. You wanted to be mad at him for leaving you with the baby, but obviously you're not good enough to be fit for a mother. His phone rings and I can see y/d/n icon, he quickly answer but her voice is hectic.
"Dad please don't pick Y/n up I don't want to see her she doesn't see me in twelve years and now she wants to pop up in my life." She rambles in the phone.
She doesn't even call me mom.
"Y/d/n." Timotheé sighs.
"No dad she doesn't care about anybody but herself she lied to you countless times I grew up seeing you stressed and depressed because of her she doesn't deserve to even be around us."
I want life. I want Timotheé and Y/d/n. I hate myself for abandoning my family, the love of my life and spiraling out of control. Words would describe me as contumacious, discourteous, dolor. I hurt those who are around me and when I'm alone I hurt myself. I hate myself because who I am. I hate how I disregarded Y/d/n before she was born. I hate that I missed fourteen birthdays and missed countless holidays with her. I hate that I wasn't there holding her when she was a new born, instead a needle. I hate that I wasn't the one to calm her down when she has nightmares. Nothing can change my decisions, I can try to be her mom, but at the end of the day...not really.
"Y/n..." Timotheé girlfriend looks at me.
"No she's right I don't deserve to be there...the one thing that I can do that's best for her is to let her be. let her be with the parents that actually raised her, protected her and was present." I say before getting out the car.
