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"Del you need to eat something, you haven't barely eaten anything all day." Sarah's voice echos from the doorframe next to the entrance of my bedroom. "Not hungry, now please leave me alone," I mumble, staring at the wallpaper pealing off the corner of my wall. The same spot I've been staring at for the past two hours.
I sat on the prickly grass in Sarah's front lawn, crying until my tear ducts ran dry. John B came back with his hands empty, letting JJ slip away into thin air. I should have known this is how it was going to end, with me broken on the floor while he just walks away.
"Delilah you need to eat, please." she pleads, her voice desperate to get a reaction out of me. I readjust the pillow underneath my head so that it sits right at the nape my neck.
"Oh so now you're ignoring me? If that's how you want to act okay. fine," I suddenly feel the weighted blanket that was covering me get yanked off, exposing my legs to the outside air blowing in through my open window.
"Sarah what the hell!" I exclaim, jolting up so quickly that my head spins lightly. "give me that back!" I reach forward to grab it from her hands but she pulls it towards her chest with her dainty hands. "No not until you go downstairs and eat something."
"I'm not hungry, why can't you seem to understand that sentence?" I furrow my eyebrows, pulling the blanket back San curling up on my mattress, trying to drown out the sound of my own thoughts.
"Delilah Covey you listen to me right now! You need to eat something because if you don't I will forcibly shove food down your throat and you knew I will. I just came back from the chateau after Kiara basically called me a bitch in front of all the Pogues so I did not come here to play. Your mom said you haven't left this bed since I dropped you off earlier today so we're going to get some food into your system."she travels around to the other side of my bed, holding out a hand.
"I'm tired Sarah so please just leave me alone. Go make out with John B or something, I don't need your help." I send her daggers before rolling over to the other side, avoiding her judgmental gaze.
"Del just because he left you doesn't mean you have to sit here and mope about it all day. I get that you are heartbroken but no boy is worth that."
I sit up abruptly, looking her dead in the eyes, "Do you get it!? Do you Sarah? He brought me back from the edge, he saved me when I was about to take my last breath. I was too afraid to tell you I was suffering because I was afraid you wouldn't understand. But he did, he understood." I start to feel my throat closing up but I persist.
"He understood everything I was going through and in that I fell in love with him. It was gradual at first, butterflies whenever he would touch me, subtle smiles when he would glance me. When he kissed me for the first time the world shifted off its axis."
"I fell absolutely and utterly in love with him and there was no stopping it. It didn't matter if I was a kook and he was a pogue. All I knew is that he made me feel alive again. But now he's gone and there is not getting him back, he left me to raise this child alone." A stray tear falls down my cheek but I quickly wipe it away, I refuse to cry any more over him. he doesn't deserve it.
"Del I know he hurt you for leaving but you can't do this-" she starts to say but I immediately cut her off. " I can do whatever the hell I want! I didn't walk out on this relationship, he did. So let me be. I don't want you here Sarah, so leave!" I refute, regretting the words as they slip out of my mouth. Sarah's face contorts, her eyebrows furrowing before she spins on her heel, shutting the door behind her. "Sarah wait!" I reach out to open the door but just as my hand brushes the doorknob I hear the downstairs door slam, signaling that she's gone, I've pushed her away too. I feel my heart sink to my stomach.
What have I done, I've ruined everything good in my life. First my sister, then my dad, now JJ and Sarah. I turn my head to the side, making eye contact with my reflection in the mirror. My brunette hair that was braided tightly into a Dutch braid now resembles something similar to a rats nest, fly-aways extending to every end of the strands. My mascara is smudged all the way down my cheeks, depicting a straight path from the hundreds of tears that stained them.
My blue eyes that were full of bright, vibrant light this morning when I woke up are now diminished to bottomless seas of dark blue depressions. The makeup that was covering my cut from the busted lip I received days ago was now worn off, showing the faint bruise as well as the one surfacing my eye. I bring my hands up to my face, letting them start at my temples and then running down my face, in an attempt to rub off all of the leftover black streaks.
My eyes follow my body the rest of the way down until they reach a pill box sitting still on my dresser. I reach forward, grasping the plastic container, opening it and pouring one of the white pills into my hand, popping it into my mouth. I let it sit there for a second, pondering if this is really what I want to do.
Half of me screams yes, do it . I would solve the shit show of events that I've created in my life, whether I meant to or not. The other part of me though, says something completely different. It's a human life. I has a beating heart and no matter how bad my heart aches for comfort right now, I would regret this for the rest of my life. I spit the pill out of my mouth, throwing it and the rest of the contents of the pillbox into the trashcan before I crawl back into the bed, pulling up my blanket up to my chest letting my eyes drift shut.
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okay that chapter kind of sucked and was a filler so I'm sorry. I'll probably double back and re write the whole thing but for right now this is it. I promise next chapter will be so much better considering it's right before they find the gold: spoiler alert! so I have a few things up my sleeve and don't worry you won't have to deal with all this sadness that much longer.
