42 - memorial

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As JJ imprints the last letter onto the wooden surface I feel a stray tear slide down my face. I brush it away as fast as it comes. 2003-2020 John B Routledge P4L. JJ steps back, admiring his work before he intertwines his hand in mine, lifting his flask towards the tree. "To John B."

I glance up at him then back to Kiara, who's holding the memorial box in her hand and I reach over, grabbing her free hand before whispering weakly, "And to Sarah."

I reach up to my neckline where my locket sits and I look back at Kie, gesturing for her to unclasp it.

"Are you sure Li?" she asks in a hushed tone and I nod, opening the locket to reveal the two pictures, one of Sarah smiling from midsummer's a few days ago on the left and one of Charlotte from graduation. the last times I could remember them smiling before they died.

I close it up, pressing a kiss to the front before laying it softly into the wooden box and Kiara shuts it gently, setting it in the hole we dug in the ground right in front of the old oak tree.

Pope leans forward, setting a few white flowers on top of the box and together the four of us burry the memories of our friends. our dead friends.

my bottom lip quivers as I look back up at the words etched in the tree and I bite down on it. I bite down on it hard, almost to the point where it draws blood but then I feel JJ's presence next to me and I immediately relax. he takes my hand in his before looking back at the two remaining Pogues who are now making themselves comfortable on the hammock hanging from the branches pf the oak tree.

"Li and I are going to go inside for a little bit, so keep each other company while we're gone, okay." Kie raises her eyebrows at me, not uttering any comment but I can tell that she is trying really hard to bite her tongue.

Without another word JJ pulls me away from the tree and into the chateau, closing the door behind him.

"Okay what's going on li? You've barely said anything since that night and I starting tp get really worried. Are you okay?" he looks at me, his eyes pleading and that's all I have to see before I burst into a fit of tears. "Oh god, I- I- I'm sorry I don't know where that came from."

"No it's okay. Just let it out." he says in a hushed tone and I sigh, more unwanted tears streaming down my face.

"No it's not. None of this is okay. our best friends died and the whole fucking town just ignored it. like nothing happened. god I really can't handle losing another person I care about. I can't go home because I'm pretty sure my parents disowned me."

"I can't drown these feelings out with weed or alcohol like you guys can. I really don't fucking know how to handle all of this JJ. I'm gonna lose it soon and I don't- I don't-" I start to finish but I just can't find the words and once the last syllable attempts to leave my mouth its silenced by JJ's lips crashing into mine.

I swear kissing him is like living the same dream over and over again that you don't want to wake up from. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest as his tongue brushed against the tip of mine, begging to explore and I let him.

My stomach twisted as he pried my arms up, pulling the t shirt I that was draped over me straight over my head. "How's this as a distraction?" he mumbled against my lips but I craved more. I wanted more.

I could feel him trace against where my bra ended and my skin began and shivers erupted down my entire body. his lips traveled from mine into the crook of my neck and I let my head fall to the side, letting him take the lead. the familiar sensation of his lips on my skin sent a moan up and down my spine and I gripped onto his shoulder, digging my nails into his back. his hands wandered from my waist down to my legs and he picked me up effortlessly, spinning me around and the second I hit the plush fabric of the bed I knew we were both goners.

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"God I've missed you." JJ let out a sigh as he collapsed into the empty space next to me on the bed. "I know, we used to be so good at it, sneaking around every day to get out of the reach of prying eyes. You know if there was a bucket list for the amount of places people have had sex, we'd at least cross off half." he chuckles, nodding his head before reaching forward, grabbing me and pulling me into his chest.

We sit there in silence for a little while, just letting our breaths fall in synch.

I feel like that when you really know that you've fallen for someone. And I'm not taking physically. I had always been attracted to JJ since the moment I met him at the drop off, his blue eyes were so captivating I remember that I couldn't tear my gaze away from them. And the sex, oh god it was like my body was perfectly molded to fit into his.

No I'm talking about falling truly and utterly in love with someone that you can't even fathom breathing another second without them. Like you'll fall apart if you don't see them everyday.

See that type of falling is what I'm talking about. When you can just sit in a comfortable silence, jus enjoying their presence and just being around them fulfills you with the essence that you could just stay in that moment forever. That type of falling.

"Would you ever thing about getting married?" JJ asks after a few minutes of silence and I glance up at him, furrowing my eyebrows.

"No, I guess I haven't given it much thought. I mean I haven't really had the brain space to do that in the past few weeks. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering, you know. I mean we are having a baby so what's to say that we can't get married too. It's not like we did any of this in order anyways so why would us getting married be a big deal anyways. We've really got nothing to lose." his voice vibrates throughout my chest as I nuzzle my head into the crook between his ribs and his hips and ponder the thought.

"Okay, how's this for an answer. I will marry you one day JJ Maybank, that I can promise." I tilt my chin up, making eye contact with him and a grin spreads across his face. "I'll take it."

His hand that was previously wrapped around my waist is now grabbing my left hand in his and he looks down on me, pausing his actions. "JJ what are you doing?"

"Think of this as a promise. A promise that no matter what the future holds for us, we will be husband and wife one day." he pulls the brown braided ring off of his pinky finger and slides it onto my left ring finger.

"It was my mom's, I never take it off but I'm giving it to you to take care of, fiancée." he whispers the last part and I feel butterflies stir in the pit of my stomach. "I love you with all of me Jay, you know that right?"

"I know li,I love more than you know. Now not to be the bearer of bad news but we should probably go to sleep, we both have work in the morning."

"JJ what did they do to you? The JJ I know would never be this responsible!" I tease and he rolls his eyes in a playful manor. "Shut up and go to sleep."


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Is anyone else crying in the
club right now, cause I
know I am. I want the
love that I write
about man. But I guess
sharing it with you
guys will have to do
for the time being.
Now I hope you
enjoyed the chapter
and the fluff and
stay tuned for the next one.
Also thank you
guys so much for
100k reads, it means more
than I can put into words.
As JJ said:
"I love you more than you know."

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