I unlock the door and throw my backpack on the couch. I head to my room and sit on my bed. Do I even deserve to live? Maybe the gods, or who or whatever, made me so curious about death so I would just end it soon. I mean, what do I have to live for. I don't even have any friends. I'm flunking in most of my classes. The ones I'm not, I'm going to be soon.
I pick up the razor blade from my dresser with tears streaming down my face and head to the bathroom, turn on the water and wait a minute for it to fill. I want to know. Where do you go? What happens? Do you still exist, or are you just gone. Can you affect the living just not directly, or is there no bond at all? I think it's time I know. The warm water splashes sound my body as I set myself down in the tub. I take deep, shaky breaths. Why am I not pretty? Why am I the wrong "shape"? Correction, why am I fat? And short? I'm just gonna end it. I am so done with this. The razor stings as I run deep down my arm and on my wrist. A warm, scarlet oozed from my arm and dripped, making the water a reddish pink. The smell of iron makes me sick. I've always hated the sight of blood. The scent doesn't help. Let's just get this over with. My hands are shaking so much I can barely cut the other arm. I manage to slit it open, I cry in pain as more blood pours into the water making it a deeper red by every second. I tilt my head back and rest my eyes, I lay my arms on the side of the tub, the cuts on the inside, so there isn't too much of a mess for mom.
MOM! I don't wanna die. I still have them. I have Ben and Alice. They would be so heart broken. I start to panic, my blood pumping faster with fright. The cuts bleed out thicker. NO! I grab a towel to try and slow the bleeding. I feel a little light headed. My vision is fading.
Shit.
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Everything is so cold. I'm standing in the bathtub, everything is exactly as it was just a few seconds ago when I passed out, except it was dark, a street lamp was letting in a dim glow through the bathroom window. I glance down at the tub, my eyes widen in shock. It's me. Holy shit. My body lying unconscious in the water, still a thick red. When I looked down, I notice the chain attached to my chest. My attention is drawn by the front door creaking open. Fuck. I hear mom's sweet voice telling the twins they need to clean their room before dinner. The rustle of plastic bags told me they went shopping. I step out of the bathtub and walk over to the door and listen. Ben and Alice are walking into their room, but then one of them walks off course and tries to open the bathroom door. Thank god I locked it. "Hey Chenille, are you in there?" I panic, it's Alice. She waits a second for an answer and then leaves down the hall towards my room. I glance back at my lifeless body laying still in the bathtub as she's knocking on the door, "Chenille?" she waits another second and when I don't respond, she opens the door. As she skips back through the halls, she asks, "hey mom, do you know where Chenille went?"
"No, she's not in her room?"
"No, I checked the bathroom too, and I got no answer."
"Hm, maybe she fell asleep in the bathtub," I hear mom walking over to the bathroom. What the fuck do I do? Can I even do anything? "Sweetie? You in there?" she raised her voice in an attempt to wake me while she wrestled with the doorknob. I open my mouth to respond with, "yeah, I'm here" or something to reassure her, but she didn't hear. She repeated herself, louder this time. I try again and again. Nothing. What that hell? I can hear myself just fine, why can't she hear me. I hear her trying to open it, rattling the handle and pushing on the door.
"Chenille! Open the door!!" She yells louder. I hear her leave and come back, this time with a key, the locks are old so it's the same key for all the rooms. Fuck. There's nothing I can do. It feels like everything is in slow motion, the door creaking open, mom speaking out for me, the shock spreading across her face, her hands covering her mouth as tears came to her eyes, I heard the subtle mutter of my name. Ben came out of his room to see what mom was now sobbing about. She shuffled Ben away from the door and pulled out her phone and called 911. Ben started crying and mom
