In which the fandom kills me (Finphie/Sophintan Oneshots)

Chapter 2 of an AU of an AU (Tw gore warning and cussing)

Why did I have to change so much? Old me would never do this! I think, as blood bubbles from their mouth, boiling and sticky. I sigh, turning and leaving behind the body. Don't tell the Black Swan. Act as disgusted as everyone else when they find the corpse. I tell myself- same routine, right? It turned out they weren't a part of the Neverseen anyway. Not like anyone will miss them, right? Right? I mean, they had no recorded family and lived isolated. No one will miss him. Besides, it was too late anyway. He was a piece of shit. We don't really want to get into details with what he did.

And still... why? Why should I feel bad about it? He was the one who was hiding the answers from me. I could've avoided this messy of a death and just slit his throat, the world all oblivious to his death. I sigh again, thinking about it and then deciding that maybe I shouldn't hang out around where the body was found.

I light leap back to the hideout, making sure to wash off my hands in a creek beforehand. The blood stinks like metal and dead things, and I'm glad to be rid of it.

But tonight I can't get the dead body out of my head. I toss and turn before getting up. Sandor isn't my bodyguard anymore- the other species pulled out anyone in the lost cities, leaving us to fight our own war. Civilians are seldom hurt, though, so it's mostly war between those of us that started it. The Black Swan and Neverseen are larger than I thought, and with so many out trying to recruit, it's become a bloodbath.

I shake my head, trying to get the stupid memories out of my head. To get the stupid man's bloody, boiled face out of my head. To get the stupid useless thoughts out of my head.

"I'm only doing what's best for us. So why do  feel so bad? Stop feeling bad! Goddammit Sophie, stop. This is stupid. Morals won't keep you alive." But am I still a person without them? Am I still allowed to feel happy about my victory? Or do I have to keep thinking about this and beating myself up?

"So you are that murderer... I was wondering. I would always find you near there. But I didn't want to believe it. That Sophie, one of my best friends would do things like this. But tonight... I can't keep this secret for you. You have to pay for these." Fitz.

"Sophie, you boiled his innards! What the hell is wrong with you?" I sigh.

"I just know that to win you have to be strong and being pulled down by your stupid morals doesn't help at all! I would've thought you would know by now that we can't keep pulling out punches- that every move counts. But we're not going to win with people like you in charge. So give up your perfect little dream and see how to win. We're going to come out scarred, but it's not fair to judge me for what needs to be done-" I dodge a melder blast from him, and I gasp at his movement against me.

"How could you? I'm trying to help! And if you won't accept it, maybe someone else could use my help. And maybe I'll give it to them." I snarl.

"Sophie, come on- don't resist, and your charges won't be as extreme." He says calmly, but he's showing his fear in his trembling melder hand. I smirk.

"If that's what you think, then so be it. You think you're any different than anyone else I've killed? Every life is expendable, Fitz. Including ours. I kill only because I know if I don't I will die as well- even if it's far later."

"So everything is about you? Do you know how selfish that is?" I shake my head, barrelling into him and tackling him before he can yell for help. I cover his mouth quickly, holding it closed as he tries to bite me. I hold him down calmly as he thrashes and whisper,

"I'm not going to kill you. But you have to stay still and listen." He nods, his once mesmerizing teal eyes having no effect on me now.

"I'm not a psychopath, Fitz. I do have guilt. But guilt is voluntary, didn't you know that?" I ask softly, letting out a sigh.

"I killed them because they needed to die for us to win. I have no care about my life, as long as we win, but for now, I can't die. I know I can help, if you all would let me. But you won't. So I'll have to erase this memory, for your own good." I murmur, and he finally fights free. I don't try to stop him, letting him call everyone. I'm long gone when they search for me. Gone into the cool, dark forest. My mind gone into a million different sanctuaries I could run to. But I shake my head.

"So what? It's not nearly as easy to destroy guilt as I make it seem." I sigh again, letting myself fall to the ground, curled up in a ball under a tree's dark canopy. These days I feel better in the night, the beauty of the stars and moon hanging against a stark black background. And up north, occasionally I get to see the Aurora Borealis. The sky is the most beautiful thing in the world, besides fire. Fire is the sky and dark red and light amber orange and blood dripping together.

"Miss Foster?" Fintan asks, and I hide my flinch.

"Hello." I say as calmly as I can.

"You seem unsurprised, like we always see each other in dark forests at midnight."

"I don't know. Not much can scare me at this point. Once you've felt what I have, you find it hard to be scared of things. More curious. I do wonder what you're doing here, but it's not exactly like you can kill me."

"Oh, I can't, can I?" He asks, attempting to knock me back. I move to the side, rolling him over so he's on his stomach. I hold his arms behind his back, the strength of a kill going through me.  Wait, not a kill, Sophie. Kills are planned. I remind myself. I smirk as I hold his hands behind his back with my telekinesis, rolling him back over so I can see his face.

"How-" I put a finger to his mouth, which he tries to bite. I clamp his mouth shut with a hand before dragging him closer to the shelter of the tree's trunk.

~~~~~~

"Fintan, if you move again I will cut your throat out." I warn, putting my dagger against his throat, which is feverishly hot. He gulps, which is a normal reaction- it's funny, because every time someone does that, they just cut themselves more. I feel his wet, warm blood on my fingers, and I experimentally cut deeper. He gasps, and I roll my eyes.

"That's barely a cut." I mutter, pulling his head back so I can see his wide, sky blue eyes.

"You know, sky blue's my favorite color." I purr,

"So I could always take your eyes out. You would most likely live, if someone found you." I smirk- I wouldn't do that. I never take trophies, but he doesn't know that. His eyes get wider and full of tears, and he thrashes, attempting to get me off.

"One person's already gotten away tonight, but only because I let them. Don't push your luck." He nods, trembling a little. He tries to put on a facade of bravery, forcing his tears back and yelling against my hand that if I want to, then why don't I just start now. I look at him evenly, taking my knife and tracing under his eyes, watching the delicate skin bleed and listening his screams as I do so.

"Oh, shut up. I won't cut your eyes out. Now stop moving." I put my finger to his eyes, using transfusion to knit the skin together.

"Why do that if you were just going to-"

"Are you complaining? If so, I can always cut you again-"

"No!" He screams against my hand. I smirk again and nod.

"Anything else you want to lose? Like maybe your tongue if you don't stop talking?" I ask in a faux curious tone. He shakes his head frantically.

"Didn't think so." I say lazily, tipping his chin up.

At some point I feel him untensing and falling asleep against me. I smile a little- it's funny that he's one of those people who close their eyes and fall asleep instantly. It kind of amuses me that he can relax this easily. It also makes me a little jealous. I wish I could fall asleep this easily.

As dawn streaks the sky, I shake him. He gasps, looking around.