The Hyenas {Dreamnotfound AU}

25. Envy

George's POV

I wake up with Clay's warm body still cuddled up against mine. The room is still as dark as it was when I fell asleep, and I hear the soft snores of both Clay and Bad fill the atmosphere. With my mind still fuzzy from sleep, I try to remember what has happened over the course of three days.

I shift a little on the couch to make myself more comfortable, as careful as I can not to wake Clay up. God knows he needs the rest right now. 

I take this time by myself to think of a plan. Because what the hell are we going to do next? Bad is going to want to find Skeppy, which I can fully understand, but where do we even begin looking for him? Meanwhile, we're all being hunted down. I wouldn't be surprised if they're going after us during daytime now as well. We fucked it all up for them, why would they restrict themselves to hunting at night? 

We're also going to need to find Fundy and Karl. If we don't seek contact with them, they'll think we're dead, we can't do that to them. They need our help as much as we need theirs. 

Then there's the most difficult thing of all. Nick is alive. And he's a goddamn Hyena. He let us leave, but we're completely in the dark of what happened after we left. Did he play it off as if Bad escaped by himself, just like Skeppy? Or did he rat us out to the others? The fact that he let us go, doesn't by definition make him trustworthy, which is going to be hard on Clay. I'm afraid he's going to be clouded by his happiness that Nick is still alive, and won't see the situation for how it actually is. How am I going to get that through to him?

Right as I think about him, Clay starts to move against me. He lifts his head off my chest, and with his eyes half open, he takes in his surroundings. He seems confused by the fact we're back in the bunker, judging by the frown on his face. Then he realizes he's laying with me, and his eyes meet mine. 

"Did you sleep well?" I whisper, and he nods, before laying his head back down. I lock him in my arms again and close my eyes. 

"That wasn't all a dream, was it?" he whispers back. 

"It wasn't," I answer, taking one of my hands to run it through his hair softly. 

"It's as if my mind is refusing to believe it," he murmurs, a little louder than a whisper. 

"Well, you convinced it you were never going to see him again. It needs some time to adjust." He nods his head carefully, snuggling his nose deeper into my hoodie. 

"Can I be honest?" he asks. I'm a little taken aback by his sudden question. Why would he need to ask that?

"Of course," I whisper back.

"I feel guilty," he continues. Guilty?

"What do you feel guilty about?" He sighs deeply and turns his head to lay with his ear to my chest, looking at the wall.

"We both thought our best friends had died, and now mine is alive." 

Oh.

As much as I want to tell him it's fine, I need to admit to myself that it stings. It's not jealousy. Jealousy would mean that I begrudged him, which isn't true. I'm happy for him that his best friend turned out be alive still, I really am. But a tinge of envy swirls through my brain when I think about it. I wanted nothing more than to find Eret and take him back to the city, and I'll never get that chance. Clay does have that chance still. I know I should just be happy for him, but it's hard. 

My silence didn't go unnoticed, and Clay in reaction has sat up to be able to look me in the eyes. I divert my gaze, however, not wanting my feelings to poison his relief.