I'll Sing For Me

47.

We went to the cinemas and our dinner consisted of popcorn and frozen coke. The movie was alright, more to Dean's taste, but I didn't care. I was completely happy and content with him.

After the movie, we walked hand in hand to the car. "Hey, dad's not in this weekend. Do you wanna stay over?"

I looked up at Dean, unsure what to say. I've slept with Dean several times before, but that was in context to actually sleeping.

"Is your dad fine with that?"

Dean shrugged. "Don't know. He'll get over it though. He doesn't tend to blow his fuse as much anymore. Maybe me not fighting has something to do with it." Dean grinned widely till his teeth showed.

"Maybe." I giggled with him. "Sure. I mean, I don't want to interrupt their date." I said genuinely, referring to Tommy and Steph.

Stopping by the car, Dean swung me again in his arms, making me laugh and I felt the soft kisses by my jaw.

My hands slowly crawled up Dean's back as I took each soft kiss.

We stayed like that for a long minute, kissing each other before we pulled apart and Dean opened the door for me to get in.

I ended up staying at Dean's Friday night, not wanting to interrupt Steph's night. I sent her a text stating what I was doing and she replied back with a simple word. Yep.

For a message from Steph to be so short and nearly border line rude, it meant she was busy.

When Saturday rolled around and it became late afternoon, Steph, Tommy, Dean and I decided on hot chips by the lake. We sat by the grassy shore and some distant away from the really sick love birds.

We were sitting on Dean's jacket, leaning against each other as I felt him play with my hand, drawing lazy circles in my palm. I had my head against his shoulder, a small smile on my face and my eyes closed, picturing this moment, remembering it. Remembering where I am and whom I with and exactly what I'm doing.

The sun was setting and I sighed deeply.

"Everything okay?" Dean asked me softly and I hummed out a reply.

"Everything is great."

It wasn't long after that we went to Dean's.

After Tommy and Steph left, Dean and I snuggled with each other on the couch and watched a movie. I've noticed Dean's taste in action and I don't exactly have a genre with movies. I was more content to sit with him.

It wasn't long however, we were making out. How his soft little kisses on my neck, how he nibbled on my ear had me leaning in to him for more.

My fingers digging in to him, a slight moan leaving our throats as I kissed him deeply.

Whenever we make out, I've noticed Dean waits for me to signal him and I appreciate it, I like to feel the control is my decision completely.

I had straddled Dean, once again, this feeling coming back, the one that Steph reckons it means I'm horny as I kissed Dean deeper.

I pressed my body down harder on to Dean and Dean felt it too.

"Beth," he whispered between the kissing.

"I'm okay." I assured him. I freaked out last time because I wasn't expecting it, but I'm more prepared now.

We didn't go any further in the lounge room after our steamy make out session and afterwards, we were both trying not to pant from the lack of air.

After the movie, the night was still young and I wasn't exactly tired. I had a refreshing night of sleep the night before in Dean's arms.

But I held Dean's hand and led him to his room, closing the door and I kissed him again. I wanted to, I felt I needed to and I pinched my fingers and thumbs together, at the bottom of Dean's shirt and tried taking it off.

"Beth, slow down." Dean spoke in to my mouth.

I shook my head and succeeded on taking Dean's shirt off. Dean was blown away by my attitude towards it.

Sighing, I stepped back, annoyed. "I'm okay, honestly, Dean. I want to."

Dean narrowed his eyes at me and I ran my hands up his chest. I was tingling and heightened and, "I want to kiss you." I pouted then.

Dean brushed the hair from my face then cupped my cheek.

"You told me I call the shots, I want to. I'm fine. I will be. Just go with it." I said lowly to him. "When we reach something that I will start to feel uncomfortable with, I will let you know the minute it happens."

Dean pulled my face closer to his. "The second it happens, Beth." He stated in such an authoritative tone, I blinked blankly at him as I licked my lips and nodded.

"The second." I agreed before kissing Dean again. We went to the bed and I wrapped my arms around Dean's naked shoulders and pulled him down on top of me. His hands wondered down my sides to my hips and I stilled, pulling my lips away and taking a deep breathe and exhaling. It didn't take long for me to get use to Dean's hands there before I nodded at him to continue.

Dean nestled between my legs as I eased my legs apart. Dean's hand slowly moved from my right hip, down to the top of my thigh as we continued to kiss.

The kissing, locking lips, it helps distract me and I welcomed it.

I lifted my right leg, locking it around Dean as much as I could. His other hand ventured up my stomach and I tried not to freak out but Dean could sense it and stopped immediately. Leaning up and away from me, I groaned out, annoyed with myself. Running a hand over my face, I sighed. I wasn't letting up though. I want to conquer this fear within me. Instead, I told Dean to lay down and I straddled him again, sitting up right on him, I took my singlet off, leaving me in my leggings and bra.

With both hands, picked up one of Dean's hands and inhaled a breathe of courage.

"Why are you so determined?" He asked me, catching me off guard.

"I have this inner fear in me and I want it gone. I honestly believe that anything intimate is rough and painful and," I blinked profusely, thinking of the right word. "Unpleasant. I know it's not correct and I read." I shrugged my shoulders. "I know my past experiences were brutal. It's like, I dunno, I'm trying to train my brain that it was wrong and I'm right. It makes no sense." I growled, deflating myself.

Dean shuffled up a bit to a sitting position and held me tightly, kissing me softly. "You are making perfect sense."

I smiled against his lips as the kissing got heavier again and I let Dean's fingers explore my body lightly just as I did to him. We kept our hands out of clothes all together and after a while, we were both laying in bed, ready for sleep.

Dean stayed bare chested but I had changed into another singlet and cotton pants as he had his chest pressed against my back.

I fell asleep in his arms once again, feeling feather light kisses on my shoulders and my fingers holding his tightly.