I'll Sing For Me

18.

I dawdled to my Geography class. It wasn't because I didn't want to go or I didn't have the work done during my absence. I just wanted to be alone for a little bit longer.

After assembly, I quickly left parade, sneaking out with a younger class. I just didn't feel like talking to anyone.

Making my way to the classroom, finding my surroundings completely empty, aware that class was in procession, I opened the door and Mr Richards stopped talking mid sentence and stared at me with a look of boredom and not surprised at all.

"Take a seat, Elizabeth." He finally stated and I made my way to my seat. I saw the looks people gave me, amazed and surprised then the whispers started.

"I thought she left."

"Why the sudden change?"

"It suits her."

"Really? She is just seeking attention."

I kept my head down, my eyes looking at the floor and sat at my chair.

"Settle down, class. Let's resume." Mr Richards called out over the chatter. I stared at my desk, trying to swallow the anxiety that was coming up, well aware that someone was still staring at me.

I tilted my head and averted my eyes to my neighbour, Dean. Yes, he was staring at me.

"What?" I whispered to him.

Dean didn't answer and I repeated the word.

"Nothing. I just didn't notice, your hair, this morning. No wonder I couldn't see you earlier at assembly. I was looking for you, but your hair is different."

I shrugged my shoulders but I didn't turn my attention back to my teacher.

"It looks good. It suits you." Then Dean smiled at me, making me smile in return, looking away shyly as I went to grab my beanie and pull it down when I remembered, it wasn't on my head.

"I think I left my beanie in your car." I whispered to Dean just as he turned back to the teacher.

"Ok, we'll grab it at lunch." Was his reply.

"I was hoping we could get it after this-"

"Elizabeth and Dean!" Mr Richards snapped at us, making me turn to him, surprised at being caught talking.

"Sorry sir." I mumbled out, sitting up again.

After a harsh glare from the teacher, he continued to talk and I sat still and silent, listening.

Once class finished, we packed our books up and left the room.

I headed towards English, my beanie out of my mind when I heard Dean behind me.

"Wait up, Elizabeth."

Frowning, I sighed, turning to him. "Beth." I said in a pleading tone.

"What?"

We started to walk together as I tried to piece the words together. "I prefer to be called Beth." Then I realised, I don't think Dean has ever called me Beth.

"Noted." Was his reply. "Did you want to get your beanie?" I heard his keys jingle in his pocket and shook my head.

"No, lunch time is fine. We are closer to our next class than the carpark and I've already been marked late once today." I gripped my bag strap tighter, taking a deep breathe. I kept my eyes straight ahead but I could feel Dean staring at me. "Why are you staring at me?" I sighed out.

"Uh, sorry. I'm just not use to seeing you without your beanie and that hairstyle really suits you."

Again, I smiled shyly, diverting my eyes. I wanted to say thank you, but for the life of me, I couldn't bring the words up.

Then I heard a voice that made me stiffen.

"Oh look, Matthew. Dean has found a new girl behind Elizabeth's back." Was Lisa's voice, dripping with sarcasm and venom. I didn't turn to face Lisa, I just kept walking, my breathing rigid.

"Ignore them." Dean stated softly. I felt a small push and realised Dean had his hand on my bag, pushing me forward, urging me to keep walking. "The stupid bitch doesn't even know it's you."

I gave him a small nod in assurance but in reality, I was avoiding a panic attack as my heart felt like it was pulsing that hard it might go in to coronary arrest.

After a couple minutes, we got to class and sat where we usually sit. I stayed quiet, keeping to myself. It's a habit I've always had. To be invisible. I use to like it and crave it when I'm seen, but I've had a bigger craving now. Because of the other weekend. When we were all at Tommy's, hanging out. I enjoyed myself. It felt right and normal and that's all I want. To be normal.

"Wearing skirts suit you." I heard and turned to the voice. It was Tommy, entering the classroom.

I shrugged in response. Honestly, I think they are hideous skirts.

"I like the hair too." Tommy stated to me. I gave him another shrug. I saw Dean lean back, staring at me, his eyes slightly narrowed before he turned his head and whispered something to Tommy. They argued then,
in hush tones.

I ignored them both, waiting for the teacher to start the lesson.

"Psst, Elizabeth." Came Tommys whisper. I turned my head to him, looking past Dean, an eyebrow raised, waiting for him to continue. "Those pants suit you in that skirt." Then I saw Tommy get embarrassed. I kept my face smooth, not really processing what he said because to me, Tommy is my best friends boyfriend.

"Stockings." I corrected Tommy, my face flat.

"Yeah. I like the hairstyle too."

I just stared blankly at Tommy. I could see him becoming uncomfortable at the whole situation.

"I'm trying to say, you look nice."

I quickly moved my eyes from one side to the other side of the room. "Okay?" Then I shrugged, slightly confused by what had just happened and shook my head, letting the scene go.

"Beth, you do look nice." Dean suddenly stated to me and I whisped some hair to behind my ear and gave him a small smile, looking back to the front of the class. Mrs Delany was talking, but I don't know what the topic was about. I could feel myself redden in the face and ignored the two boys next to me.

Dean and Tommy started whispering to themselves and I frowned, wanting to know if they were talking about me or not. Thats my anxiety coming through now.

I kept to myself most of the class and even snickered when Dean and Tommy got in trouble for talking, slightly relieved it wasn't me this time unlike last class.

Lunch time couldn't come soon enough and I was actually starving, looking forward to the small tub of salad I have in my bag that Ally made.

Leaving the class room, Dean pulled me aside, reminding me we were going to his car for my beanie. In that instant, I felt relieved that I had that security item with me.

"How come you can't take a compliment?" Dean suddenly asked, leaving me surprised.

"Who said I couldn't?" I covered myself.

"You don't say thank you."