I'll Sing For Me

37

Steph was freaking out when I got back home. Dean didn't come in with me, he left to go to his place.

"Are you okay? What happened? Where were you?" She asked, her face frowning, worried.

"I'm fine, Steph. I just needed to get out of the house for a while."

Steph bit her lip and I could see her eyes were watery.

"I'm okay. Really. We just went for a drive, talked, that was it." Was my quiet voice. I took a deep breathe and sighed. "I told Dean."

Steph blinked several times, staying silent.

"Everything." I felt the familiar lump in my throat. I knew tears were next.

Steph embraced me. "I'm sorry you have to relive those memories, Beth. It must be awful."

Resting my head on her shoulder, all I did was nod as a tear slipped down my cheek. It is awful. My inner walls have deep scratch marks of me clawing my way out. I'm trying my hardest to keep myself together, wanting to move on with my life.

We pulled apart and I saw Steph had been crying too as we both wiped our tears. "I'm starving." I managed to say, making us both laugh, the mood getting lighter.

*****
I went to school on Friday. Tommy picked us up and there was no sign of Dean. We went to the hall for assembly when I was pulled aside. Seeing the familiar adult, Diane, we stepped out of the way of other students as she spoke to me.

I immediately took the chance to thank her for Tuesday.

"That's okay, Elizabeth. It's my job to help and protect the student of this school as much as possible. However, I advise you not to attend assembly today."

I frowned at her. "Why not?"

"There are a couple topics they will be discussing, one will be a very sensitive topic for you. But I assure you, it isn't about you."

"It's about another student?" I asked before I even thought of the words.

Diane didn't answer my question verbally. Instead she gave me a small nod.

"Where is Dean Stevens?" I blurted out suddenly.

Diane raised an eyebrow. "Dean Stevens?"

"Yeah. He is my friend and he didn't show up this morning to pick Stephanie and I up like he usually does. Tommy and Steph hasn't said anything to me. I'm worried because..." I gulped. A negative thought went in to my head. What if he did something, something bad? "I told Dean what happened to me."

Diane gave me a sympathetic look, a kind smile on her face. "I don't know, Elizabeth."

I nodded, accepting her answer. "Then what do I do now? Just wait outside the hall? Go to my next class?"

"Just wait till assembly is finish."

Again, I nodded and watched as Diane walked away. When she was out of view, I left, heading to geography. I leaned against the building next to my class room door, pulling my beanie down. I waited and waited till the teacher came, praising me for being punctual and allowed me in.

I sat at where I usually do and watched the door. I had a bad feeling sinking in to my stomach and I whipped my phone out, texting Dean, Steph and Tommy. They all had the same Question. Where is Dean?

But no one replied for ages as I watched the door, other students coming in.

We were twenty minutes in to our lesson and still no Dean. My stomach was twisting so much, I felt I couldn't breathe.

Then my phone vibrated.

My eyes moved fast to the screen as I hid my phone, unlocking it and reading the message.

It was Steph.

Suspended.

I let out a small sigh of relief, but my stomach was still twisting.

Why? I asked her.

It felt like forever till I got another reply.

Fighting.

Finally, when the class ended, I was the first to leave, not hearing a word my teacher said and raced across the school. My next lesson is English with Tommy in the class, but I was looking for Steph. She would be at her hair and beauty class.

I have never ran so fast in my life. I saw Steph in front of me and I went as fast as I could, snatching her hand.

I surprised Steph as she turned to me, surprised to see me. Then I saw something in her eyes before she blinked and it disappeared.

"What happened?"

She shook her head and tried to smile. "Nothing." Maybe I know her too well to tell her little telltale signs. I frowned deeper at her. Steph sighed again. "Dean got suspended again." She told me, taking my arm, pulling me to the side.

"Why? What for this time?"

Steph was hesitant on telling me.

"Steph! Oh god. What was assembly about?"

"A girl, named Marlie, a year ten student, committed suicide yesterday."

I felt relief wash over me when it clicked it had nothing to do with Dean. But then I realised why the guidance officer didn't want me in assembly. Because of my suicidal attempt. "Was she a.... victim?" I whispered the last word and watched Steph nod her head.

I did feel sorry for the girl, but I was too concerned about Dean. "What about Dean?"

"Stephanie! Class!" I heard a lady yell out and Steph gave me a look of apology before she left.

I guess I'll go find out for myself then. I thought to myself.

Without a second thought about myself or my surroundings, I spun on my heel and went to the school gates. I left the grounds,walking at a brisk pace and followed my feet.

I was puffing when I reached my destination, looking up at the now familiar house.

I had guilt eating me because I felt bad. Did Dean get suspended for fighting for me again? It seems to become a habit with him lately.

I saw only Dean's car in the driveway, maybe an indication that only Dean was home and not his father.

Marching to the front door, I banged on it, waiting for someone to answer.