It Will Always Be Us (Always #2)

Chapter Five

I couldn't do this.

As easily as the mechanics of driving came back to me, the pressing the gas and brakes, using my turn signal, shifting gears, it wasn't enough to cure my unease. I began to panic even while I was still able to see Jasper's car in front of me. Jasper was right in front of me, he believed I could do this, I had to do this.

But I couldn't.

The lines in the road began to turn to white. The leaves that fluttered in the wind turned to snow. The divider turned into a tree and all of a sudden, I was back to that night. While it hadn't been snowing that night, it was all I could see now. The same nightmare that haunted me at least once a month.

I fought to keep control of the wheel, stay on the road. My eyes began to blur, Jasper's car was fading from view. I reached over to tap at my phone. Begging it would take me to the phone to call Jasper. It didn't. Somehow I'd ended up typing in the browser.

Tears wound their way down my cheeks like a waterfall. My fingers shook, my arms shook, my entire body was shaking. My brain continued to show me these illusions.

I couldn't take it anymore. My phone was being stupid and wasn't letting me call out my spidey signal for help. I was alone. Jasper said I wouldn't be alone, he wouldn't lie to me. So why did I feel alone right now?

My phone rang then. My eyes cleared enough for me to push the answer button.

"Sades?" It was Jasper. My heart relaxed some as I heard his voice. "Sades, you okay?"

I could only shake my head, I couldn't form words.

Jasper understood. "Sades, pull over. Pull over baby, it'll be okay. Pull over, I see you swerving, you have to pull over."

In my hazy vision I slid the car over to where I hoped the 'over' part of pull over was. It was. I parked the car and clutched my stomach while my head landed on the steering wheel. I let the sobs break free, let them course through me, let them destroy me.

They destroyed me until there was a knock at my window and the door opened. Soon I was in Jasper's arms, his familiar scent washing over me, calming my frantic sobs. Soothing my erratic heartbeat.

"I couldn't do it."

"Shh." He put a hand on the back of my head, smoothing my hair in a comforting motion. "It's okay, Sades, it's okay."

"I tried, Jas, I really did."

"I know. You did well though Sades, you did well for the time you did it. And you know what?" He pulled back, smiling at me and brushing some hair behind my ears. "You still did it. You still took the plunge and drove. You made progress, that's all that matters here." He reached over and unbuckled me before helping me out of the car. I wrapped my arms around his waist, listened to his heartbeat under my ear. "Let's get you to my car."

I nodded as I heard footsteps behind me and the gentle touch of my mother's hand on my shoulder as she brushed past me. "You did well, Sadie."

They all had praise for me when I had failed. I only drove maybe ten minutes. That wasn't shit! It was pathetic. Wasn't it? Or was I overreacting? Was Jasper right? Was the fact that I had actually driven the car for when little bit I did enough?