April's Heart

Mistake

"Me too."

Again, he lifted the cover of the security pad and punched in his mother's code. The door beeped and unlocked. Jae turned the knob and with a deep breath stepped into his mother's home. April hadn't been sure what to expect. Other than the dust that had settled on most of the surfaces in the week that she had been in the hospital, the apartment was clean and cozy. April followed Jae in and watched as he took in his surroundings. The only pictures on the walls were of the two of them or of only Jae. He traced the frame of one of them with his finger, the image obviously stirring tender memories. There was a small table made neatly with two place settings, a love seat and chair and a television that Jae had bought her a few Christmases before. He told April that she had scolded him for buying her such an expensive gift but also made sure to tell him all the programs she was watching whenever they spoke on the phone.

April stood in the living room as Jae entered the bedroom so that he wouldn't feel crowded. She could see that in the room there was nothing more than a mat on the floor and a closet full of clothes, more gifts from Jae.

"Are you tired?" He asked as he emerged from his mother's room.

"A little," she answered.

"Let's take a nap. The love seat opens into a bed."

Surprised that Jae didn't want to rush to the hospital to see his mother, April nodded, knowing better than to say anything about it.

Jae took the suitcases and wheeled them into his mother's room, closing the door behind him. April unfolded the bed as he took blankets from a closet in the hall. She watched him move around the apartment and tried to tell what he was thinking. He simply looked resolute, focused on the task at hand. She saw no sadness, no relief, nothing. It was as if it was any other evening and he was preparing to turn in early. Once he had the blankets spread over the sofa bed he took off his pants and sat down waiting without speaking for her to do the same.

"Do you want me to set an alarm?" April asked, slipping out of her dress.

"No," he replied taking her hand, "let's just sleep."

April hadn't realized how tired she was until she lay down in Jae's arms. She hadn't slept during the whole flight, though all she wanted to do was sleep. She was too anxious to even close her eyes. Every time she did, she imagined something horrible like the plane crashing, or being lost in the streets of Ansan without Jae to translate for her. So, though she wanted to know when they were going to see his mother, she was too tired to ask. Or too afraid.

"I love you," Jae mumbled as he began to fall asleep, his arms tighter around her than they had ever been.

"I love you, too," she replied.

When April opened her eyes after what seemed like seconds, the room was dark. She reached over to the other side of the bed to wake Jae, upset that they had overslept but felt nothing but cold sheets. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness she realized that she was alone, Jae was nowhere to be seen. Outside, the signs of the shops that lined the street shone enough light through the window for her to just make out the table where her phone was laying. Carefully, she made her way across the room where, under her phone she found a note.

Back in an hour. Getting dinner.

An hour from when? Why didn't he wake me? She would have loved to have taken a walk with him and get dinner together. She wondered how long he'd been gone. The darkness in the sky deepened as the moments passed and April sat alone on the bed. She tried not to be frightened when she heard strange hushed voices that seemed to stop outside the door. She held her breath until the footsteps finally withdrew as the men continued down the hall.

Finally, just as she was reaching her wit's end, the security pad beeped and Jae walked into the room.

"You're up," he said without even a bit of warmth or eye contact.

"Yeah," April replied, afraid to say more.

Jae took the bag he had into the dining area and began to take containers out and put them on the table.

"I got dinner."

April stood by his side watching him intently, trying to find the Jae she knew in this cold man. His movements were quick and heavy as he slammed the food down and angrily balled up the bag it had been in as if it had offended him in some way.

"I would have come with you if you had woken me up, Jae. You didn't have to go alone."

"I wanted to be alone."

"Oh..."

"I went to see my mother," Jae said, finally looking up at April as if he was confessing something for which he had no remorse.

"How is she?" April asked.

Jae looked at her with such disgust she wished she could sink into the floor. She knew it was a stupid question but she didn't know what else to say, she had no idea what he wanted from her. If he wanted anything at all.

"She's dying," he growled, throwing the chopsticks he was holding onto the floor.

April froze where she stood, fear keeping her from moving or speaking. Jae stomped to his mother's room and slammed the door behind him, shaking the pictures on the walls and making her jump. She couldn't do anything but cry, standing next to the food he had gotten for them to share. She had never felt so alone. She knew that Jae was going through a very hard time but taking it out on her wasn't going to solve anything. She had made the trip to comfort him and it seemed her presence was doing nothing but annoying him. Somehow, her being there was making him feel worse. Her heart was pulling her towards the door but she did not dare open it. The man on the other side was not the Jae she knew. This Jae frightened her and as much as she hated to admit it, she was beginning to realize that her impetuous decision to accompany him home had been a mistake.

Hey guys. Just wanna say thank you for everything. I'm so happy you all enjoy my little story. Fun fact: the picture at the top of this chapter was actually sent to me by a man who lives in Ansan. We don't talk anymore but I thought it fit well. I also still love him but that's another story. Lol.