I See You (Campus Crush series)

29

(present)

I rubbed David's hand, feeling the nerves sink into me. "I don't know what's gonna happen when I go back to work. If they're accepting me back, I'm... I'm going to put in my resignation."

His eyebrows flew up, but he didn't look too surprised.

Still, I owed some kind of explanation. "I'm way too attached to my patients. And with Avery, I became more emotionally involved than I ever expected to. I know that we put it behind us but... I'm still guilty. I wasn't straightforward with you when you found out and I hate that. I hate that you had to hear it from someone else's mouth in the middle of a hospital hallway."

"Casper, I don't fault you for..."

I nodded. "It's okay. I hope you can still forgive me."

He seemed to understand that I just needed to hear the words, so he gently sighed. "I forgive you. Of course I do."

"Thank you. I'm just not cut out for the job. I've watched good people and innocent children die, David. Babies. I learned to love them only to lose them. I always knew it'd be part of the job but you don't know what it's like until you know. I'm not as strong as I thought I'd be."

"You are strong." He squeezed my hand. "Strength isn't defined by being a robot when people die. You're supposed to feel it, each and every time."

I tried to smile. "I don't know. Lately I just feel like everything's going wrong. I never learned how to cope with that. I've been afraid to tell you because I-I didn't wanna disappoint you. You paid for my education. You took time off work for me and so much more. And here I am giving up and wasting all of it." I felt my eyes growing wet.

"You thought I'd be disappointed?"

"Aren't you?"

David moved closer to me, placing my legs across his lap. "No, I'm just... I'm relieved to know exactly what's been bothering you."

My shoulders fell. "I've kept you in the dark, haven't I?"

"I think a part of me already knew."

I smiled at him. "No surprise there."

He chuckled, caressing the back of my hand. "Listen. Being a neurosurgeon makes you happy. But the moment that ceases to be true, you should tell me. I will support your next dream. Nothing spent on you could ever be a waste. Even if you decided to start bagging groceries for the rest of your life, if it made you happy, I'd back you up. I'll even wear those tight cheerleading outfits and wave pom-poms just to see you smile."

I burst out laughing. "I assure you, there's no grocery bagging in my future. So you're really not mad? I mean, what if I change my mind all over again and go back to surgery?"

"I did a similar thing. You were there for me, remember? I taught psychology, then I saw clients. Then I went back to teaching because I missed it so much. But now I'm seeing clients again. I think my teaching days are over, but I'd wanna know that I have my husband's support if I decided to do it again."

"You do. Always," I affirmed.

"See? How could I ever be disappointed in you? I didn't waste a dime. Your comfort has been my greatest investment. You know me. Don't underestimate my love for you. Casper..." He looked into my eyes. "You are the sun, which means my world revolves around you. I truly don't know how I lived before meeting you."

I felt my cheeks heating up. I definitely knew how to handle his poetic compliments a bit better now, but it still made my stomach flutter. "It's scary to be loved so much."