I See You (Campus Crush series)

19

(Past)

Being promoted to chief resident was the most satisfying feeling. As someone who never craved attention, I couldn't say that I minded the respect I received from my new title.

It meant my superiors and my bosses recognized my talents and my dedication to work. It might even mean I was far more skilled than my peers. I tried not to let it get to my head.

As chief resident, I was in charge of assigning responsibilities and patients to my fellow surgeons. Other than my newly added duties, my routine remained relatively the same. Rounds first thing in the morning, checking on all of my patients, saving a couple people from certain death, clipping an aneurysm here and performing a craniotomy there.

Later that evening, I managed to procure a nice cup of chocolate pudding to present to one of my favorite patients. Okay, I was being modest. He was definitely my favorite.

I strolled into his room with a bright smile on my face. Avery was staring absentmindedly at the TV mounted high on the wall across the room. I stood by the door for a second since he hadn't noticed me, and I just watched him. I took in his features, but I saw more than his outward appearance. He'd been through quite an ordeal, without the support of family or a friend. Yet, there was a strength in him that he exuded even while weak from surgery.

Every cancer patient I'd ever known carried that same strength.

I lightly sighed, staring down at the pudding in my hand. Was I really admiring him? I scolded myself in my head. What was wrong with me? I didn't need to be here; he was fine. I didn't need to get him his favorite snack just to see him smile.

I heard him gasp which made me look up. His hand flew to his chest as he sat up, trying to draw in air. It took my trained eyes a split second to realize he was having shortness of breath, so I rushed inside toward his bed and set the cup down.

"Avery?"

His eyebrows knitted together as he huffed out my name, surprised that I was here. "C-Casp..." His breath was lost on him. I acted quickly, retrieving the nasal cannula to give him supplemental oxygen.

"Shh, just breathe," I instructed, leaning him back down onto the pillows. He just closed his eyes and nodded, steadily collecting himself.

"Was that a panic attack?" He asked me, reopening his eyes.

"It could've been."

His tense shoulders relaxed. "Thank you. Were you here the whole time?"

"Oh, I..." My cheeks flushed as I picked up the cup I'd brought in. "I got you this."

And there it was- his warm smile. "I appreciate it." He accepted the pudding. "Never fails to make me feel better."

"Hm. I'll bring you one every day then."

"I look forward to that." He stuffed a spoonful of the chocolate dessert into his mouth.

I pulled up a chair and sat down. "So, if that was a panic attack, what do you think triggered it? Are you anxious about something?"

Avery shrugged. "I technically still have a tumor, except now it's on my brainstem. Which, as I've been told, controls some of my body's most basic functions so if it's compromised, I'd cease to exist. I'd rather have stayed blind."

"I know how worrisome this is. I won't ask you to stay optimistic, but you're going to be fine. And you'll be discharged soon, so you can get back to your life. You have time, Avery."

"Honestly? I don't know how to go out there and simply live, being all too aware that my days are numbered."

I nodded. "I hear you. Just do what you know you won't regret later on. Do things that make you happy."