The Dreamer

Chapter 38

I hated you, Sarah thought. Her eyes lost in the green ones in front of her. I can't believe you are here.

Completely unaware, Katherine sipped her tea. She smiled gracefully at Sarah.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me," Katherine said. "I wasn't sure what you would say when I called. I am glad it worked out."

"To be honest, you caught me off guard. I don't know if I would have said yes if I had seen your call coming."

"I understand. Sarah, I am not your enemy. I hope you can see that," Katherine bit her lip.

"I know. But you raised my daughter instead of me, and I feel uneasy about it," Sarah crossed her arms in front of her.

"Jessica sees me as her mother, but you gave birth to her. She will come to see you as a mother too. Let me help you to connect with her."

"Thank you Katherine. I don't know what to say. I want my daughter in my life. I will do whatever it takes."

"You are doing it so far. I care about my daughter Sarah, about our daughter. She has two mothers now and I know we both want what's best for her."

Sarah nodded.

"I wanted to see you because I need to tell you this," Katherine continues. "Jessica feels abandoned, understandably. She doesn't enjoy her father's company so much because he is as her, just finding himself. Jessica needs a safe ground where she is secure enough to get to know herself without fear of judgment. Now, we are all always rediscovering ourselves, but for her sake, let's just try to keep her away from whatever inner turmoil we are enduring."

Sarah bit her lip, fully aware that the one that had inner turmoil was herself; nobody but her had behaved like a train wreck for a while. Nobody but her had seen her life collapsing according to the standards of what is normal. Of all people, Matthew had to choose a therapist.

"I hope I am not being too straightforward," Katherine smiled politely.

"I like straightforward," Sarah replied. She was quiet for a little bit before talking again. "You know. I may not have anything figured out. I don't know what I am doing with my life or where I am going, but I feel free, so much freer than before. If I still felt stuck a before, I probably would not feel strong enough to try to rebuild my relationship with my daughter. Even if to the outside world I look like a mess without direction, I don't care where I end up going if I feel this freedom to feel and to love and this strength to endure the challenges of approaching her."

Katherine nodded. "I don't know you. I don't even know if I care much to know you, but I am happy when I see another human being finding themselves. And that's not the therapist within me talking."

Sarah laughed and looked at her. Maybe in another life, in other circumstances, they could have been friends, maybe they still could. Maybe the only way they could ever be friends is through the circumstance they are sharing now.

"Anyways, I wanted to meet you because I wanted to get a sense of who you are. I will see you around," Katherine stood up and smiled at Sarah before waving goodbye.

Sarah set her mug down and took a deep breath. Meeting Katherine had been a breeze, but what she was about to do now felt like a nightmare. She pictured her nice tidy place, inhabited by new people. Her new place wasn't so bad but lacking the great location and high end vibe. I don't need all that, she told herself. She stood up and called Damon who had agreed to visit tonight and help her pack some boxes into the U-haul. As she stood outside the little coffee shop, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulled it out and saw a text from Jessica. Her heart gave a little jump as she anxiously opened the thread. There were two photos of outfits. I am asking everybody to help me choose outfit A or B.

Sarah replied B. She smiled to herself. It didn't matter if she was asking everybody, if Sarah was included in the "everybody list", she was one step closer to the "family list".