The Dreamer

Chapter 13

Sarah's phone rang and Tania's voice came through. Sarah was self absorbed in reading over and over again Ali's phone number in the napkin she kept long after storing her number in her phone. The napkin gave her some sense of safety, like having a personal note of care from a friend who understood, a friend she needed much now.

"Hi Tania, what were you saying?" Sarah pressed a button on the phone.

"I said that you got more office supplies delivered, do you need anything right now? Or should I just put it all in storage?"

Sarah took a quick look around her desk, "No, I will need some folders soon, but don't worry; I'll get them when I need them."

Then Sarah resumed her contemplation of the napkin. Ali said she could call her always, but she technically didn't even know Ali enough to call her to complain and cry as she could do with a friend, as she could do with Damon. Only remembering his name made her blush, she covered her face with her hands, the same hand that had slapped him just few days back.

She heard a knock in the door and jumped from her chair. With her heart thundering and a quivering voice she said, "It's open." She sat rigid expecting to see Damon's familiar face. She could picture the entire scene unfolding. He would walk in and say he was sorry about being insensitive about her issues, and then she would apologize in return and they would hug.

A young man walked in. Who is this? She felt her shoulder slump and her face going slack.

"Hi. Mrs. Lewis," he smiled warmly.

"Hi," she said and just stared trying to remember who he was. Mrs.?

He took few steps closer. "I wanted to ask you for a personal favor."

"Uh-um?" She said still struggling to know who he was.

He looked at her blankly. "Well, I am applying for graduate school, and they need letters of recommendations."

He paused to give her time to put things together, but she just kept thinking who are you?

"I was hoping you would provide me one," he pleaded at last. "He stood closer to the desk and handed her a paper that has the name of the university as well as his details. Todd. I don't know a Todd. His hand was shaky and Sarah could notice his loud breathing.

"I will not be quitting," he said hastily, still breathing shallowly. "I will balance education and work.

"I am sure you will Todd," she smiled still unsure of who he was but certain he was an employee. "I will tell Tania to have that for you at the front. Best of luck in your application," she stood up and guided him to the door.

"Thank you," he said before leaving.

Sarah stood at the frame of the door. She walked to Tania's desk.

"Hi," Tania said startled. "I'm sorry. It's just unusual to see you outside your office."

Sarah asked her to have a letter ready for Todd and handed her the sheet of paper with the school name. "Let me know when you need my signature."

Sarah took a look around; Damon wasn't anywhere. She took few steps further to the right, getting close to Damon's office. But his door was closed. The lights were out too. She walked back to Tania's desk. "Do you know if," she stopped herself before saying anything else.

"If what?" Tania asked while looking intently.

"If," Sarah stammered. "We got some sticky notes in today. I ran out and just noticed."

"Yeah, we always get them. I am sure we have some," Tania said shrugging slightly.

"Ok," Sarah walked back to her office feeling self conscious and awkward.

"Should I get them for you?"

"No, it's fine."

Back in her office, Sarah closed her door and forced herself to set all her attention in her work, although soon she realized it was impossible not to think about Damon. Many of the folders in front of her had his name somewhere or his signature. She touched gently over his signature, feeling his handwriting. Somehow she could feel him in that tiny space of paper. Her lips moistened to remember the kiss they shared. One kiss, only one. I kissed this man only once and somehow this kiss is imprinted on me.

She sat back to remember both the kiss and the slap, one started a fantasy and the other one ended it, within few days. One would think a forty year old woman is better able to navigate dating without so much attachment within days. But this wasn't dating anybody, it was dating Damon; they had known each other for years.

After trying to focus on her work for about an hour, she gave up. God damn it, she looked at all the folders in her desk. She was behind her self-imposed schedule. Soon she would be behind the company schedule, something she had never experienced. Regardless of the pressure of her work, she just couldn't get Damon out of her head.

Why did I expect so much from him? Dating was a part of her life she had left behind years ago and now that she felt called to try it again, it fell apart. I went in too fast. How naïve of me to put so much expectation in this! I probably lost a great friendship simply because I expected him to be something he wasn't meant to be, because I wanted so desperately to feel loved again.

On Tuesday she was better able to focus on her work some more. She kept her door closed the entire day and forbade herself to go out there and check if Damon was in. However, she couldn't resist asking Tania about him.

"Hi Tania, I have some paperwork for Damon, is he in today?"

"No I am afraid not. I can leave it on his desk if you'd like."

"No it's fine. I got it."

She opened her door for the first time in the day at about three thirty and walked to Damon's office. She opened the door and when she took the first step inside, she had to stop herself. What am I doing?

She was already there regardless so she took few more steps in and put the paperwork on his desk. Her hand lingered on his desk. She hadn't visited him too many times, but the office defined his character so well. Photographs filled his desk; his mother, his father, and what she assumed were some siblings, cousins, and friends. In each picture she saw his smiling face. What happened? How his infectious smile transformed into the vile judgment he gave her the last time they met.

She felt tempted to sit on his chair. Too creepy! She made her way out the door but she bumped into Damon on her way out.

She stood perplexed and frozen in her spot. Her face grew pale and she felt she could faint any moment.

"Sarah!" He exclaimed. "What are you doing here?" He looked away and swallowed hard.

She kept quiet. "I was, um," she swallowed hard too. "I brought you some paperwork you need to sign. I thought you were out today so I put it on your desk." She kept her gaze low and felt an urge to run out.

"Yeah, I am working from home and came for some documents, I'll take yours too," he walked past her and grabbed some folders, including hers, without acknowledging her any longer.

"Um, ok," she said and walked out of the office.

"Sarah," he called and she turned to face him, "please next time hand it to Tania and don't come into my office again." His tone was cold, distant, and robotic. His stare was icy and lacking of emotion. She nodded while her eyes filled with tears and left before the tears spilled.