To Love Irrevocably [18+]

Chapter Thirty-Four

Thursday invites Amy to my desk. She walks up to me, a sheepish smile on her face and her hands fiddling around in front of her. Her red hair is braided, the long lock pulled over her shoulder. The familiar black pumps of hers click against the ground and her wide leg pants swish against her ankles.

"Hi, Sutty." She waves at me and the action is awkward. The nickname makes me cringe.

"Don't call me that, Amy," I mumble, fed up. I've had a shitty week and I'm not in the mood to deal with this too. "That nickname is from my past and it just brings up a lot of terrible memories for me, so please just cut it out."

Something about my tone must show her I'm serious as she nods with wide and surprised eyes. The two of us sit in this silence, staring at each other with awkward gazes and fidgeting with ourselves. Multiple times, Amy opens her mouth to speak, but shakes her head and goes back to blankness. I give her time, deciding not to rush whatever she needs to tell me.

"I think I really like you, Sutty—sorry! Sutton, your name is Sutton." She develops a determined look on her face, clenching her hands into fists. "But I really like you and I hated that you found a girlfriend."

"Because you didn't expect it." I shake my head, holding back an irritated scoff. "You met me and you figured I wouldn't ever find anyone."

"That's not true!" she exclaims, her tone pleading. "When you told me, I just didn't think that would happen, not so fast, at least. Anyone would be able to see that you're super awkward, Sutton. It's not that I didn't think you'd find anyone. I mean, I'm telling you I have a crush on you!"

Giving her an odd look, I shake my head. I want to ask why, but I don't. "You've been kind of horrible, Amy."

She gives me a hurt look, pouting. "And I'm sorry for that. I didn't mean to be a bitch to you or your girlfriend. God, I was such a mean girl and I hate myself for that. Then I completely dropped you like a hot rock."

"You did," I agree, nodding my head. With a sigh, I lean back in my chair. "It's fine. No apology needed."

"That's not true. I'm so sorry for how I acted, Sutton. I lost an amazing friend because of my attitude and I wish I could go back in time. But all I can do is give you my sincerest apology."

Amy gives me a small smile before walking away. Watching her go, I wonder how she found the courage to come and speak to me. I didn't think we'd ever talk again with how adamant she was about ignoring me. I could stand to learn a thing or two from her.

That thought ends up carrying onto Friday. The office planned a party for Mister Novak. It's still a weird thought, seeing as the office is always so serious, yet here we are mingling and eating a congratulatory cake.

I watch as our boss dotes on his pregnant fiance. Each time he brings her something, she gives him an adoring smile and a kiss. His intense eyes stay trained on her face when they talk, his hand sitting protectively on her heavy belly. They laugh and caress each other in their own world.

The wall becomes my best friend. Instead of having a good time with the rest of my co-workers, I stay glued to my place. The piece of cake in my hand sits untouched. My appetite has been nonexistent since Seren separated from me. Each meal I've had has been forced and even then, the lump in my throat hasn't allowed me to eat much.

I'm so zoned out that I don't even realize when my boss makes his way over to me. His throat clears, causing me to jump. When I look at him, he raises an eyebrow and tilts his head to the side.

"You're worrying my fiance, Sutton," he tells me, coming to lean on the wall until our shoulders brush.

"What?"

"She told me to come check on my sad looking assistant. Apparently, your face is just so adorably upset that she needed to push me to come over here." He chuckles, giving a wave to the blonde. "So, what's wrong?"

I shake my head and shrug. "Nothing, I'm fine. Maybe I'm a little under the weather."

He regards me with narrowed eyes and a relaxed posture. "I never took you for a liar, Sutton."

I should've known he'd see past me. This man is the king of blank faces and monotone voices. To not catch a lie would be a shame to him.

"Seren and I are on a break," I mumble, my voice quiet and somewhat hoping he didn't hear me.

"Really? I didn't think that was possible with you two. Why?"

Breaking things down to him is difficult. It feels like my heart is being pulverized, having to relive last Friday and how Seren had dismissed me. More than that, I'm embarrassed to tell him it was my fault. To hear my own words again, I'm such a jerk for ever saying her job was a problem.

Chandler nods his head once I finish speaking to him. "Let me ask you something. Has Seren ever given these men attention? And I don't mean just a glance. I mean, has she ever entertained the idea of being with another man? Hinted at it?"

"No." I shake my head, frowning. "Seren would never do that. If she wanted to be with someone else, she would be quick to let me know."

"Okay, so then what's the issue with her job again? You don't like when men ogle her? But if she's not entertaining their advances, then why is it a problem? She's committed to you, no?" He raises an eyebrow.

"It was just..." I trail off with a sigh, frustration seeping out of all my pores. "The way they were talking about her was disgusting. Then I got to realizing that this would be a constant thing. People would always see her body and I—"

"You what?" he interrupts, raising an eyebrow. "You suddenly think that Seren should only reveal herself to you? But she's already committed to you, so why is her job a problem all of a sudden? You already knew she was a stripper before you guys got into a relationship. Nothing should change how you feel about her. Especially not something like her occupation."

He's right. This is the same thing Seren said, well, almost. Coming from Chandler Novak, it's different. When Seren had told me the same thing, all I could do was wallow in a cloud of self doubt and disbelief of her words. My stomach aches thinking about it. I didn't realize I was mitigating her and our complete relationship. Not until I had him explaining things to me.

I'm disgusting. Completely vile.

"I really fucked up," I say before realizing an expletive has just left my mouth in front of my boss.

He only raises an eyebrow before chuckling. "You're human, Sutton. We do shit without realizing it and face the consequences. How else are we meant to learn from our mistakes and grow?"

By already knowing what's obviously a no-no. But I don't say that. Instead, I thank my boss and throw my paper plate of cake in the trash. Since the workday is over, I'm going to go and do something I should have done the day after me and Seren's fight.