Falling Slowly

ix. her

saturday, january third, two thousand fifteen

• • •

the thing about the new year
was that she was forced
to come up with goals,
forced resolutions
to a dilemma she knew
could never be solved.

• • •

she thought and thought
and thought and thought,
realizing that she was setting
herself up for disaster.

• • •

once her brain spun,
it spun and spun,
leaving her breathless
and exhilarated
but not in the way
she wanted to.

• • •

not like the feeling
as the rollercoaster
makes its rapid descent
towards the bottom.
it was more like
the feeling of drowning
and the terror that
came with it,
until she was left with
absolutely nothing.

• • •

as she climbed the
steps leading up to
the only haven she had,
besides the loneliness
of her bedroom,
she continued thinking
of a resolution.

• • •

"maybe this year will be different.
maybe I'll be happy."

• • •

as always,
she situated herself
on the right side of
their couch,
but unlike always,
he was there early.

• • •

he cradled a box
of cigarettes in one hand,
and an unlit one sat
in the corner of his mouth.
he didn't look at her.
just like last week.

• • •

she didn't know
what she did wrong.
and every waking moment
she spent awake
the past week,
she wondered why.

• • •

"remember guys,"
said derek,
gaining everyone's attention.
"there's only five weeks left
until the show."

• • •

she gave a sideways glance
at the boy beside her.
only five more weeks
of this:
seeing him,
interacting with someone
other than the textbooks
littered around her room.
other than the ipod
that held only sad songs
full of reminiscing and daydreaming.
other than her thoughts.

• • •

she didn't want it
to end like this.

• • •

he got up.
she watched him as she
unpacked her guitar,
a present from her parents,
who were hopeful
of her music's effect,
because they knew
it was the only way
to calm her down.

he made his way down
the rickety stairs
- quietly -
already pulling his lighter
from his back pocket.

• • •

the three hours
of music rehearsal
that came with the
seasonal show usually
went so too fast,
that it was gone
in the blink of an eye.

• • •

it seemed that now,
though,
they went by agonizingly slow.

• • •

he went for a cigarette break
three times
in the three hour span.
and each time,
he ignored her probing gaze
and she tried to ignore
the hurt that welled up
in her heart.

• • •

a new year's resolution
she had mused earlier.
"maybe this year will be different.
maybe I'll be happy again."

• • •

but now,
as she sat alone
on the right side
of their couch.
she realized that
- like always -
she had set her hopes
too high.

• • •

the boy returned
from his fourth
smoke break.
he finally took the time
to acknowledge her.
she watched him shake
his head.
and then she watched him
get up.
and then she watched him
sit somewhere,
other than the dusty,
old couch she had
grown used to calling
"theirs."

• • •

and once again,
the thoughts managed
to consume her.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Five chapters left, guys. So I unpublished the little not that I had posted yesterday, but the basic gist of it was that, yes this story will be coming to a close soon. Can you believe that it's at three thousand reads? That's insane; you guys are so wonderful!

IMPORTANT: Please comment below the name of a song that remind you of our main characters. Please. I'm making a huge playlist that will be posted at the end of the short story. Thank you!

As always then, comment, vote, promote! :)

-Isabelle