Learning to Love the Other Side

The Failed Shot (James)

~1862~

James stared down at his boots. A toe stuck out of one and the flap of the other slapped his toes with every tiresome step. His mind was on simple things for once; like the sound of dirt crunching beneath his worn boots, the dull hunger pains that pierced his side with every stride, and the rank smell of sweaty men long overdue for a rinse permeating his nostrils with each breath in. It was peaceful- the type of calm before a storm. The boys were battle-worn and exhausted, and the threat of battle no longer sent them into a flurry of excited conversation and anxious energy as it had before. They had lost comrades to not only the enemy bullet, but also to disease, hunger, and hypothermia. As they marched once again to battle, they knew what was coming. It had been a long time since James' first battle.

"I swear he's gonna go off an' marry that girl once we win the war," Adam said with snigger.

James slipped the picture of Josephine back into his worn jacket and gave it a pat.

"You know what, boys?"

White shrugged his gangly shoulders, "What?"

James eyes lit up with determination.

"Once this damned war is over, I'm gonna go an' marry Josephine."

Adam whooped and White furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"How you gonna go an' do that when you ain't even know where she's from?" White asked.

Adam pushed his way in between White and James and put an arm around James' shoulder.

"White, don't question a man in love. When you want a girl that badly, hell, ain't nothin' gonna get in your way! Ain't that right James? Shoot, when this war is over, James' will be invitin' us to be in his weddin'!"

James laughed, "Once this war is over, I'll be invitin' you both as guests of honor to me and Josephine's weddin'."

Adam pretended to toast, "To James and Josephine!"

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James eyes darted back and forth, fighting the smoke that burned and blurred his vision.

He was used to it, but it didn't make it any easier to aim and shoot a target.

"Damn it," James cursed as he struggled to reload his rifle with his dirt and sweat covered hands.

He worked quickly, clenching his jaw as he hid in the tall grass that he hoped gave him some cover. Time and sheer luck was everything.

James had made surviving and shooting at his enemies a mind game and forced reality out during battle as it only made him weaker. He was stronger- harder because of it and it paid off. It was the only way he could stay sane.

He pulled his beloved rifle into position, aimed at the moving blue uniform, and pulled the trigger. Despite the inaccuracy of his rifle in general, James did not fail to hit his target. The game was in full swing now.

He trudged through the thick brush and silently as he could, his ears trained on any sound of the approaching enemy.

Crunch, crunch, crunch

James glanced at Adam to see if he had heard the incoming Yank and Adam nodded in response. Adam followed the footsteps first and James followed behind him. The two friends were a well oiled machine by now. They swore to have each other's backs and not once had either of them failed to protect the other.

James watched his friend's short frame move quickly through the grass, unaware of another Union soldier raising his rifle just feet from him.

James swiftly lifted his own rifle, and as he began to pull the trigger his finger faltered. The Union soldier looked like William, the soldier he had met and Josephine's lover. The game was over, and the sickening reality of killing other's loved ones hit James like a sucker punch.