Learning to Love the Other Side

July 21, 1861 (James)

Dear Ma and Pa,

Boy am I missin your cookin Ma. I rely miss your aple pie and corbred. I can taste it just thinking about it. I wish you could send me sum of your food Ma but I know that aint posible. I been tellin the other boys how good your cookin is and they were drooling over just thinking about it to! Pa I hope your doin alrite doin the farm by yourself. Sorry I cant be there to help you Pa but I know you are proud of me for fiting in the war. The Yanks stand nothin against us I promise you that. Give May May a hug for me and tell her that I do like the name Buba for the boy pupy. I miss yall.

Your son James Goldby

James felt like he had marched at least 500 miles in the span of seven days. He was exhausted, his muscles ached and pinched, and his boots had caused his feet to break out into blisters and sores. He had been through a lot of physical labor working his father's humble farm, but nothing compared to the continuous marching and drilling the boys were put through. The sun glared harshly on his golden hair and face, and the uncomfortable feeling of sweat dripping down his face, neck, and back was not unusual for him, but nevertheless, an uncomfortable feeling. The soldiers marched together, their footsteps not always falling to the same beat, causing the military leaders to bark in annoyance at the lack of unity. James was annoyed too, but at the leaders. He didn't understand how they could get mad about something so insignificant after walking for days on end. The boy's shoulders were beginning to become more and more rounded with exhaustion, and their uniforms were starting to smell like they hadn't been washed or changed in months. Their spirits, though, hadn't been dampened and the sound of cadences and songs about the war were often sung despite the boys being tired. It was a motley crew of patriotic boys.

"James."

"James." James felt someone poke him in the ribs. He had begun to zone out and didn't hear his friend's voice until he had nudged him.

"Yeah, what?"

"Did you hear the boys talkin'?" Adam asked, his eyes wide with anticipation.

"Nah, but it musta' been good cause you look like you just seen Daisy or somethin'," James chuckled.

Adam seemed to pause to picture Daisy- a fleeting thought before he focused on the present.

"I been hearin' the boys talkin' and they are sayin' that Johnston heard that them Yanks were scoutin' out some of our troops just by Blackburn's Ford. They sayin' that's real close to here and that some of our troops need help. Rumor has it, we might be gettin' a taste of them Yanks soon enough," Adam whispered excitedly. The sun had begun to set and was fading fast behind the green hills, casting a shadow on Adam's face.

James looked at his friend in surprise, concealing the sudden rush of adrenaline and worry that stabbed at his stomach like a sharp-edged knife.

"Really? You think its all talk or is it real? What do ya reckon?" James asked, forcing his voice to stay low and mirror Adam's excitement. He didn't want to appear weak.

"I reckon we'll be marchin' right on into 'em!" Private White piped up, his large front teeth visible as he grinned widely.

Sure, James was wanting to fight, but now that the formation was buzzing with rumors of war, James was suddenly apprehensive. He felt the reality of it all as the boys talked about fighting.

"We could be famous! I heard Private Dorn sayin' that Union senators and rich folk are gonna be watchin' the battle and havin' picnics and fine wine while they watch us fight!" Private White said enthusiastically.

James shook his head in amusement. "Now that's just silly, White. Ain't nobody gonna be watchin' us like that. Fine wine... yeah that ain't happenin', though I sure would like a cup of wine right about now," James laughed.

Adam closed his eyes for a split second and licked his lips. "Oh I'd be right in heaven if I could have some wine, and Daisy right now," Adam said with a dreamy look on his face.

"But first, war!"

"War!" The boys chanted together.

"You reckon Daisy is thinkin' 'bout me?" Adam asked, his eyes showing vulnerability.

"Of course she is. Probably pinin' away about you, and talkin' about you to all of her silly friends," James replied, completely honest. Daisy was definitely the type to cry and obsess over Adam with her friends.

Adam nodded, seeming to accept the answer.

"Yeah, she'll be real proud of me when we beat them Feds."

The boys walked into the night, eventually setting up camp. There was lots of talk as the boys ate their bare and hardly filling rations of hardtack and beans. James hated the feeling of his stomach grumbling and knawing at him for more food. It was painful, uncomfortable and tiring all at the same time.

"I miss my ma's cookin'. She made the best food and her pies... damn were they good," James sighed, and his mind wandering to thoughts of food. It'd been almost two weeks since he'd had a proper meal.

"Yeah, that's for sure. I'm tired of these worm castles," Adam grimaced, as he brushed the iron-hard cracker of its bugs in disgust. He of all the boys was struggling the most with the soldier way of living.

James' nose scrunched up as he watched some weevils fall off of Adam's hardtack.

"Nasty buggers," James said as he scraped the sides of his tin clean. He was disappointed when he saw that his bowl was empty.

"Damned things," Adam agreed, eating the biscuit regardless.

The boys had learned quickly that they couldn't be picky when it came to food rations, because their stomachs were too hungry to be cautious. James did oftentimes have a hard time swallowing some of the food either because it was so dry, slightly stale or rotten.

As James prepared to let his aching body succumb to sleep, his brain wrestled with him, refusing to let him sleep. He was nervous about the prospect of going into war. What would it be like? Would he kill a person? Maybe more than just one? Would he make it out unscathed and would his friends make it out ok? Despite his aim being pretty decent, he pondered whether or not he'd be able to keep a steady hand to fire shots at the other side; at other living human beings. James shuddered at the latter. He reasoned with himself that he was doing the right thing, that the war needed to be fought, and the rights of the South needed to be preserved. If he had to kill, which was what was going to happen, then that's what he needed to do- what he had to do.

James finally drifted off to sleep, but his slumber was interrupted with loud pops. His tired brain didn't immediately recognize the gunfire shots until Adam was by his side urgently shaking his shoulders and yelling at him to get up.

"Get up James! The Yanks are attackin' us!" Adam said frantically, his gun already in hand the other boys rushing to grab theirs.

James' brain seemed to be moving in slow motion as he snatched up his rifle and slapped on his hat clumsily, and followed the other boys out of the tent. James tried to decipher the Captain's orders and instructions but the campsite was utter chaos, and in the end, he just followed what the other soldiers were doing.

The deep-throated roar of gunshots rung echoed throughout the camp. It was early in the morning and the sun had yet to rise which caused further discombobulation and panic as the men tried to locate where the Union soldiers were.

At that moment, James' groggy brain registered that the events taking place weren't a dream. The soldiers were at war.

***A/N: Thanks for reading!:) If you're enjoying the book so far, I'd love it if you would either vote or comment (or both)!!