Until Forever

PART 2 - Chapter 1

PART 2

 

CHAPTER 1

 

The stillness of the forest was broken by the agonised cries of a hunched-up figure kneeling by the dirt road. Bidam couldn’t believe what had just happened. His tortured mind was near to bursting while his heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces. In his mind, he kept replaying scenes from the past few days - the Queen giving him the ring, telling him that he must leave, that she would send for him as soon as it’s all over; Her Majesty asking him if he trusts her; her telling him that she wanted him to remain by her side. He remembered how she returned his embrace; how she held his hands after giving him the ring. He recalled her saying that she knew he had no other motives.

            “Why then? WHY?” he screamed, letting go of all the agony, all the disappointment, all the anger that he was feeling inside. Am I really such a threat to you? How can you so easily turn your back on me like this? Was your decision to marry me just a political move, then? And now that I have failed to deal with my own faction’s misdeeds, have I become just another hindrance myself?

            Bidam tried to convince himself over and over that she was not capable of such deception. But he could not ignore the dying words of the assassin or the mocking words of Chun Chu. And the more that he thought about Her Majesty’s motives the more tortured he became. He took out the ring and caressed it lovingly, tears falling unheeded down his cheeks.

            He then recalled a conversation he had with the Queen, back when he was still the Commissioner of the Royal Inspectorate and was inspecting Kim Yushin’s ties with the Gaya Restoration Movement.

            “Bidam, are you in love with me?” the Queen asked. The question caught him off guard and he did not know how to reply.

            “I asked you a question, so please answer,” she said.

            “Pardon my insolence, Your Majesty, but yes, I admit that I am,” he answered.

            “What about Silla? Do you love Silla?” she asked. He hesitated.

            “I understand your devotion to me, but you must realise that should there be any marital ties between us, it wouldn’t be to save Yushin’s life nor would it be because of undying devotion. It would only be because I need you to remain by my side,” the Queen said. “Even if you love me and stake your all for my sake, I, on the other hand have already given my all to Silla. After having done so, how can I now love another?” she said.

            Bidam clenched his fist over the ring as a painful revelation slowly dawned on him.

            Was that it, then? You did everything for Silla?

He felt crushed, lost, like a child abandoned by the people who meant everything to him.

            Has my love become such a problem for you? Should I let go of my feelings then? Forgive me, Deokman, but I cannot give you up that easily.

He closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them again, the sadness was gone and in its place was a fire that mirrored the ferocious determination in his breast.

            Since Silla is all that you can ever love, then you leave me no other choice... if the throne has become so taxing that you think it necessary to forsake me and have me killed then I will happily relieve you of that burden.