Hopelessly Devoted

Chapter 40- Healing

I know Sean would be perfectly ok with waiting, but I also know he has a very high sex drive. We'd been together months, now: It would have been impossible for me NOT to figure that out. So, yeah, I kind of want to go further for him. More importantly, I want to do that for me. I realized a while ago that being a goody-two-shoes hasn't exactly worked for me, and maybe it'd be ok to rebel once in a while. Besides, I don't think having sex with your boyfriend who you've been dating for five months is truly scandalous. 

My main problem is nerves. What do I say? What do I do? Will he get mad if/when I'm really bad? All these questions keep plaguing my mind, making me want to wait a while to actually do something.

"Oh, shit. Baby?" Sean calls my attention, having died AGAIN.

"Yeah?"

"I almost forgot. When I um... picked you up on Friday, your father gave me a box."

I furrowed my brow. "I thought the CPS people had to go get my clothes. Isn't that why I had to wear your clothes to bed and on Saturday?"

"Not a clothes box. He actually didn't really say what it was. Do you wanna open it?"

I just shrugged, "Sure." before letting him off the bed. I don't know what it could be, but I doubt it's anything truly harmful.

Sean went into his closet only to come back a moment later with a big cardboard box. He plop it in the middle of the bed before sitting next to me. Without hesitation, I remove the lid. 

Only to gasp at its contents.

Inside the box was... me. Scrapbooks, binders, folders, photo albums: Meticulous documentation of my life. 

"What the heck..." I whisper under my breath before picking up one of the scrapbooks. On the inside cover, there was a note.

"For my baby on his 18th birthday. -  Love Mom"

My eyes start to well up with tears. As I flip through the album, I see photo after photo of a young me. Most were pictures of only me at random events: preschool graduation, playing at the park, swimming lessons, my third-grade spelling bee, etc. There were also quite a few of my father and me. Those always tended to be taken outside, candid shots of him trying to make me into a real man.

What hurt is how few pictures there were of my Mom. She'd always been the one to take the pictures, wanting to capture the moments. That, unfortunately, meant she wasn't in many. Still, the ones I did have were perfect. There was one of me sitting in her lap wearing a big paper birthday hat with the number 1 on it. I was smiling and had cake all over my face, while my Mom was staring at me with pure happiness in her eyes.

"I-I didn't know she k-kept all of this."

I hate the first thought that came to mind. If I could take it back, I would. I hate myself for even putting it in my subconscious.

The first thought upon seeing these photos: Why couldn't my father have been the one to die?

I hate it but it's a true reaction. My mom loved me, she cared enough to save all of these random photos and drawings. My father never really cared. Even before I came out, he didn't do anything more than tolerate me. I'd never wish death on anyone but... if a parent had to die, it just seems unfair that it had to be my mother.

I didn't realize that a tear had escaped until a large hand wiped it away. Looking up, I see the kind eyes of the man that I love. They were shimmering with love and pity, as well as a bit of sadness.

"I'm so sorry, Luka. If I could give you a better family, I really would." My heart nearly breaks at the desperation in his voice. It's almost like it's physically hurting him that he can't help me.

I smile half-heartedly before leaning in and kissing him. It was close-mouthed but passionate nonetheless. When I pulled away, he was wearing the same light smile as me.

"You already have."

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Hey,

I didn't forget it was Monday and almost forget to write this chapter. I'm a responsible author, especially considering that I skipped last week's Monday update...

Oops.

I like this chapter. It's definitely filler, but who hates fluff?

 Also, I've been playing Cuphead legit all weekend, so I funneled my frustration into Sean. I'm only on world 2 and I've already died over 300 times... I am a firm believer in the "just try again" theory, but even I admit this is ridiculous.

Other than that, be sure to vote and leave a comment, and I'll see y'all Friday.