I was at home, waiting for my mom to wake up as she lay down weakly on the couch. The words of the doctor kept coming back to my mind as my head hurt due to all of the stress.
Y/n you should give up hope, let her go y/n the words kept echoing as my mom whimpered in pain, I felt so much pain, I didn't think it was gonna get any worse but it just did by the words of my father.
You were the cause of this y/n, not anyone else, just you. You are worthless. You are nothing. He screaming sounded in my heart, making me feel weak and emotionally unstable, I couldn't bear it, it felt so hard, he blamed me and left us home alone. He said we were too much to handle and just left.
" Y/n " My mom called weakly, her shaking hand held my cheek and stroked it lovingly with tears in her eyes.
" I'm sorry baby, I knew I should have divorced him,b-but" I shook my head at her words.
" It's not your fault mom, don't worry " I smiled wiping the tears, I had always hated crying in front of people but I had to find a way to relieve my pain. She shook her head.
" Let me go baby, go and live your life " she said smiling weakly, I shook my head holding her close.
" Y/n, I know how you feel, but I don't want you to see me like this, please, just go please " she begged, I nodded as I left abrubtly.
The tears poured down quickly as I left the living room, I didnt bother to take anything except for my phone and some shoes, without putting them on properly, I just ran out and closed the main door behind me, letting my heart beat so quick that it felt like it was about to burst.
The tears that were flowing now fell at a quicker pace, I ran towards who knows where, I just kept running till I couldn't feel anything anymore, the adrenaline in my body didnt seem to run out as it grew on me quickly, soon I was hyperventilating, without a surface to take support from, I hit my head onto the electrical pole without proper vision.
I felt pain from my forehead, sweat was falling right on top of my eyelashes, I wiped it off , I wouldn't care if it was blood, I just walked and walked with the meagre amount of energy that I had in my legs, I reached a dead and didn't know what to do, I looked around for another way but I just couldnt find it, I slowly turned back and walked to the other side, somehow I was able to find a roadside stall, I walked there making the owner look shocked.
" Miss are you okay!?" she screamed, I frowned and touched my forehead.
" What? " I touched my head and took my fingers off as I moved my head down.
" Do you have liquor? " I asked, she just nodded and pointed to the fridge.
" Give me your strongest one, I need 3 bottles of those. " I opened my phone and scanned it to pay and took the bottles.
Walking in the same direction, I opened one of the bottles and started drinking it, I felt like I could do anything to get rid of the pain that was forming in me right now.
Clenching the other two bottles in my hand, I quickly downed the first one causing me to feel the deepest burn in my throat making me stop and take a breather. My head started pounding and there were people on the road. They looked at me as if I was a maniac but no one cared enough to see if I was okay. People were selfish, no one cared about a stranger who was drinking at 5 pm on the road while trying so hard not to hyperventilate, it was because she was a stranger, they didnt care. It was not like people who knew me would care either, all they would say would be ' everyone has problems in their life, what's the big deal' I agree that everyone has problems, but everyone is different, they feel different and their problems are different. Expecting comfort from someone can only show you how lonely you are. Wanting your loved one will only show you how much your want hurts you. Even though the road was filled with people, it felt like it was deserted, so cold, so chilly that it froze me completely, there was no one here, nobody was here. I always wondered why people committed suicide, I just understood now, it's not the pain that makes the person want to end it, its the feeling of hopelessness, the hopelessness that you feel when you lose everything that you care about, the feeling of not finding a single reason to stay, not finding anyone that cared about you, and even if they say they did, it wouldn't feel like it.
My whole body was in so much pain, I gulped down my saliva with my tears, as I walked with a stubborn personality.
I grabbed the bottle and finished the remaining liquor left in the bottle and threw the bottle down hard on the ground, turning into large shards of broken glass, they flew right back at me, piercing my calves and leaving my pale lifeless legs with cuts all over them. It hurt a little but it was nothing compared to everything that was going on inside me, I was becoming bitter to people, the thoughts of how no one decided to care made me lose all hope, I was walking on the edge, my emotions were all over the place and I had to choose between feeling all of them and bear them or just stop caring for once and all. The second option seemed easier, but I knew I shouldn't do it, part of my conscience was begging me to care about others while the other half was asking me to put myself first. I sat down in the middle of the road and let it all burst out, my sobs sounded in the place, I realized I was back at that dead-end so I decided to let everything loose, no one would probably hear anything in this alleyway, it got dark quickly and started pouring, the cold rain touched my skin as I heard the commotion from the beside building, the water drops dripping from the pipes of the air con fell on the grey pavement. Wordlessly I downed the second bottle, now I didnt stop, I didnt care if it burnt me now, I just wanted so badly to pass out. Before I could open the third bottle, a man's hand took it from me, angrily I tried to take it back but ended up hurting my head again, now the blood trickled down. Great, the man quickly bent down and started crying.
His black hair stuck to his forehead, wet from the rain as his tears poured continuously. He kept crying as I stopped my own tears, I didnt care about anything except him.
Seeing the strong guy brought fresher tears to my eyes, but they were camouflaged under the rain, he looked at me with his tear coated eyes, his eyes were so bright, he pulled me close and hugged me as I started crying in his arms.
" Jungkook-" I cried as he interrupted me.
" Shh y/n, I missed you baby, it's okay, you can cry with me " he said holding me as tight as he could, I let it out, I let everything collapse.
" I'm here y/n, I'm here baby, I'm still with you" jungkook choked back on his tears, he said again, holding the back of me
" I'm still with you "
