Chasing Sunshine

12 | Why Not Her?

12 ° Why Not Her?

I sigh, bringing my cup to my lips. The events of the night before weigh on me. I remember how she looked. Her cheeks were flushed from the sake and her eyes glowed.

I close my eyes for a moment, remembering how she looked in that dress. I hear shuffling and look up. Viv's standing next to me, eating the fruit I left on the table for her. Her hair's tucked behind her ears and she's wearing a long cardigan that's slipping off her shoulders, revealing my blue t shirt.

She smiles at me "morning" an involuntary smile tugs at my lips. For all her poise and grace, Vivienne Reed is a messy eater.

"Mornin'" I whisper back. I turn back to the view when I remember her tears last night. She leans over and kisses my head "it's alright" she knows exactly what I'm thinking.

She gives me a brief smile and goes back inside. I watch her as she leaves. She knows what I'm thinking. But I know her too. It's not okay.

🍉

Viv closes the windows this time. She checks the stove and turns the alarm on too. We go in separate cars. Burt's off today, but we're going to see him.

When we get there, me arriving first, I wait for Viv and open the door for her when she parks. She smiles at me, it's not her usual smiles. My heart hurts.

She's left her hair today and it frames her face beautifully. She's wearing black jeans and a red button down. It's simple but she looks beautiful anyway.

Before I can catch myself the thought slips in. Why not her?

We walk to the door. I try not to but it's too late, the thought is there. It's not because she's not Saahirah. I can't compare Viv to Sunny. I never could.

Viv is not someone you could ever, should ever, compare to anyone. She's just so unapologetically her, there's no one like Viv.

Viv is a breath of fresh air. She's unfoundedly honest and it always seems like every action she takes is effortless, done without thought but the truth is, every move she makes is calculated, designed to get a reaction out of you.

She's cold at first, cut from ice, one would say, but that's not the truth. If you look close you can see. It's in her lazy smiles, the way she talks in her sleep, the way she snorts before letting out a proper laugh. It's in her eyes.

The door opens moments after we knock. The blonde little boy grins excitedly when he sees us. "Vi! Zay!" he yells excitedly.

I crouch down to his level "Henny!" I scoop him up, tickling him. His loud laughter lightens my mood. Viv takes him from me, kissing his head softly "hello, little bunny" she says gently.

We step inside. Viv continues conversing softly with the energetic five year old. And I can't help but smile. She's so good with kids. Why couldn't it be her? I shake my head.

I walk into the kitchen "hi Burt! Hi Kelly!" I drop a kiss on Kelly's cheek and she grins at me "hello, Zayleigh. It's good that you made it. Henny's been nagging for ages" I chuckle "he's too cute" she nods in agreement. I turn to Burt and he smiles at me.

"I thought it was your rust bucket I heard outside" I gasp in mock hurt "don't say that about my baby!" he chuckles, raising his hands in surrender "sorry. " Viv comes into the kitchen, talking excitedly to Henny about some new movie they both watched.

Viv pauses to greet Burt and Kelly. We talk for a bit before Kelly tells us to head into the living room as lunch is almost ready. I offered to help but she wasn't having any of it.

We play with Henford. He shows us his vast collection of action figures and tells us about school and his friends. I sit quietly for a bit, watching Viv interact with him.

My eyes close and a certain blonde invades my thoughts. Goddess I miss her. I hope she's okay. I hope she isn't still mad. I should clear things up with her. She hasn't texted me. She usually texts me. I wonder how angry she was.

I open my eyes when Henny calls. He ropes me into a Marvel debate and I can't help but laugh. Viv smiles gently at me while we argue. I'm with Henny. I love Thor but, Loki all the way.

Lunch is pleasant. My eyes barely leave Viv. I'm too lost in my thoughts. Henny grins as Viv and I fuss over him and baby him. He sits on my lap at the table, happily letting Viv and I feed him.

Kelly laughs at her son, faking offense at how he doesn't let her baby him anymore. Viv and I put Henny down for his nap afterward, bidding him goodbye too and promising to visit soon.

I watch Viv read to him, brushing the hair from his face. There's a soft look on her face. Why not her? Why don't I love her? And then I laugh at myself. Because that's not true, is it?

How could anyone not love Viv? I laugh because I lied to her. I laugh because, I do love Viv. I just don't love her enough. I don't love her the way she deserves to be loved. My heart is too full of Sunny. Of Spencer. I love her. I don't love her enough.

I'm pathetic, aren't I? I can't even decide what I want. Viv doesn't deserve that. Spencer doesn't deserve that. I don't love Viv enough. I can't give Spencer my all. And it's all because my heart belongs to the blonde with the pretty grey eyes.

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975 words.