Chasing Sunshine

08 | When I Loved You

08 • When I Loved You

Spencer went home the next day. I tried not to look upset. He kissed my head, holding me close as we stood in front of his car. I told him to be safe, tell the guys I said hi, don't forget to eat and call me after practice.

I watched him drive away, and as always, take half of my heart with him. Then I turned to the girl who held the rest of my heart as she pulled me into the house, to a marathon of Stranger Things.

Now, it was Friday again. The week had passed by in a blur. Mama had called to let me know she'd be staying two more weeks. I'd called Spencer fifteen times since he left and texted him constantly.

I sighed, plopping down on the grass. "You'll dirty your pants, idiot" I stared up at Sunny, my hand shielding my eyes from the sun.

Goddess, she was ethereal. She'd taken off her hijab and her dirty blonde hair swayed in the gentle breeze. I shrugged "don't care" I replied.

She rolled her eyes "you're such a troll" she said, sitting down next to me, after throwing her jacket down. I grinned at her "I know."

"Remember when we found this hill?" Sunny asked. She wasn't looking at me, which meant I could stare at her. I did that often.

"Yeah, I remember" how could I forget? She pulled her glasses from her face, laying down next to me, using my outstretched arm as a pillow.

I ran my fingers through her hair gently. She was looking at the view and I was looking at her "it's still so beautiful" she said "yeah" I replied, still looking at her.

Not for the first time, I wondered what it'd be like to kiss her. I could do it. She was right here. I shook my head. No, I couldn't.

I wanted to though. I always wanted to. The sun warmed my face while the girl next to me warmed my heart.

"I wonder if I'll ever get married" she said. "Of course you will" she shook her head, sitting up.

"I don't think so. I mean, I just don't believe in love. And even if I did, I don't think I'm capable of it. I don't think there's anyone out there who could keep up with what I want" I laughed then.

I laughed because she was right. No one would ever be able to keep up with her. How do you keep up with the sun? You don't. You just, burn.

I tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear "trust me Sunny, there is someone out there who'll love you no matter what" and I meant it.

She grinned at me before laying back down. I love you, no matter what. Is what I didn't say. Is what I couldn't say.

"So what movie are we watching tomorrow?" She'd asked. I shrugged "Nadia said something about you two going to watch Frozen 2" I replied.

Sunny sat up, her brow creased in confusion "us two?" I nodded "hmmm. I'm not going, remember" I replied.

"What! Why?" She looked upset "it's Viv's Dad's wedding. I have to drive down to Hachette today and I'll only be back Sunday" I watched my best friend's face go from upset to blatantly pissed off in .2 seconds.

She stood up, "so now Vivienne is more important than Nadia and I?" I sighed, sitting up "you know that's not true" I said calmly.