akinetopsia | 성훈✓

XXIII

Part 23: I don't know what I'm feeling. I hate being clueless.

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Jiyoung slowly opened her eyes....

'I slept...?'

She looked at her sides seeing Jake silently sleeping. his temperature wasn't that high anymore. She smiled in relief and looked at her phone.

Her eyes went wide when she saw the time.

7:36 pm.

She saw the chairman's email for the location.

"I'm fvcked up."
She said to herself and immediately stood up from the bed. 

"Jiyoung...?"
jake called her as he felt the bed moving.

"Oh sh*t jake I'm freakin late now with my dinner with the chairman."

Jake's eyes went wide.

"OH NO should i give you a ride to make it fast?"
he hurriedly said. Jiyoung refused.

"rest there. I can handle myself just fine. "
She said and took her bag, put her shoes on and ran towards the entrance.

She took a bus to arrive to the place where they'll meet. It's like 30 minutes away from Jake's subdivision.

All through out the ride, she kept praying that Sunghoon is still there.

She's calling him but no one is answering. She's starting to worry... she didn't even received anything from him other than the address of the restaurant....

'He waited.... right?'

8:20 pm

Jiyoung ran towards the restaurant only to find out that it was already closed.

it felt like she lost all of her hope. It is her one and only chance to make up with him but she fvcked it up. she felt ashamed and guilty at the same time towards Sunghon.

'I'm so dumb..'
She put her arms on her knees and panted. Her eyes started to get clouded with tears.

She wiped her tears and took a deep breath. 

'Why am i like this? Why did i even expected that he'll wait for me.. Of course he'll not. It's the only chance i have to reconcile with him.... Why did i do that?... I'm sure he's home already....I'm so dumb....'
Jiyoung slowly turned around, looking down as her tears kept falling.

"He won't forgive me anymore.... I'm so stupid...."
She halted, seeing a pair of shoes in front of her. She slowly looked up seeing his cold glare. Jiyoung's eyes teared up yet again.

"You..... waited."

"I waited for nothing."
he sternly said making Jiyoung flinch and look down.

"I'm... sorry."
Sunghoon shut his eyes close to suppress his emotions. he took a deep breath and glanced at Jiyoung.

"Why are you always like this?"
His voice softened. Jiyoung looked at him but instantly broke the eye contact the moment she saw pure pain on his eyes.

'he is in pain...? '

"You always keep me hanging. I waited for hours but you never showed up. Shouldn't it be so painful on my part?"

"Y-yes chairman... I'm-"

"don't tell me you're sorry because you already did it twice! I would understand you if it is the first time but Jiyoung it's not! I trusted you! I gave you another chance! Why?! Why do you always make me feel like i was special and yet I'm not your priority at all?! It's painful!"
he shouted with frustration. This is the first time she saw him like this. he was letting his feelings out, Without filtering his words. It's what his heart says. And it's much more painful than his filtered insults.

he can't take it anymore.

he had enough.

"It's not like that chairman... let me explain....."

"explain what? That you'll tell me that you are with Jake again and you forgot what time is it because you're so happy with him?"
Sunghoon walked towards her direction and glared at her eyes. Jiyoung froze.

"I am trying to make you happy too. Why can't you see me? i don't even know why am i doing this kinds of stuff... Why can't you just appreciate it?"

It was twice painful if it's from Sunghoon's mouth. much more painful than before.

"i want to hate you so much... I'm so disappointed."
Jiyoung looked down because of guilt and shame. clearly, she was on the wrong side here. She'll accept his pain. She needs to.

Sunghoon wiped the tears flowing on his eyes and spoke.

"But why can't i hate you for keeping me waiting? Why can't i get mad at you because you always make me feel like i was not your priority? I can't understand myself because of you Shin Jiyoung!"

"I'm so frustrated because i can't understand what i am feeling for you nor i can't understand you too... It's the first time i became too clueless over something...."

Jiyoung's mouth went wide agape. Sunghoon looked at her intensely.

"Now tell me. What am i to you? Am i even your priority?"

Jiyoung looked at him. 

tears are streaming down from his eyes. they were full of pain,anticipation, confusion and fright.

she can't control herself anymore. Her emotions took over her whole body. It was the move that she wants to do ever since. her mouth speaks up the truth this time. 

"I can't understand myself too..."
She said and pulled him closer. Sunghoon just stared at her with confusion with what she is talking about.

The next words coming from her lips were purely from her own emotions.

"tell me you love me and I'll do whatever you'll say."
she whispered and pressed her lips unto his.

Sunghoon's eyes went wide but then it slowly soften. he cupped her cheeks as they closed their eyes, savoring every seconds of the moment that will last forever.. the kiss was passionate. It felt like the time stopped around them, their lips were in sync. butterflies kept dancing on Jiyoung's stomach as her knees trembled. Sunghoon supported her by placing his arm on her waist and pulled her closer to deepen the kiss. She put her hands on his nape and gladly let him lead

After a few minutes, their lips parted.
Sunghoon was blushing deep red and was panting for air... and so as Jiyoung. Their foreheads were leaning towards each other as they stared on each other's eyes.

"I don't know what i am feeling but you are driving me insane, Shin Jiyoung...."

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I didn't expected that. I should sleep now. bye.