My Exchange Year

The Third Host-family

My third host-family consisted of an elderly couple, both still working full-time, and my host-sister who was also an exchange student and also went to my school. My host-dad would work and sleep somewhere else during the week and only really be there on weekends. I knew my host-sister from seeing her at school and had actually talked to her after a concert type thing at my school. She was really nice and so I initially thought it would be cool having her as a host-sister. The rules in this household were completely fine, we had to take turns taking care of the dishes/dishwasher, had our own laundry day and our separate rooms, which both had a desk in it. As my host-mother had a full-time job, we were allowed to do a maximum of 2 out of school activities and were asked to try and coordinate them so that she wouldn't have to drive us around a lot. However, she had a rule that once it was dark, we had to be back home, which was usually around 4/5 pm and we would end school at 3pm, which did not really give us the opportunity to join activities unless she was able to bring us there and pick us up. My host-family also had two little dogs, who were very cute. More so after the Christmas holidays than before I started realizing the unpleasant smell of sweat around me. Eventually I noticed it was coming from my host-sister.

I wasn't sure if my host-mother had already talked to her about it so I mentioned it to her when we were alone and she said she did in fact have a conversation with her about it, that it had gotten better for a while however, had gone back to how it was before. Eventually I decided to bring it up to my host-sister and suggested she might want to consider using a different deodorant or washing herself/ showering in the morning. For a while it was ok, but got worse again with time. I noticed the little things she would do more and more, as you would when you're living with someone else. She would try to get me to do her chores and would do little things that at one point just started to annoy me. Such as, every time we went out to eat, which was quite often and don't get me wrong I am grateful for that, she would order the most expensive thing on the menu and side dishes or a desert and not even finish them. My host parents were already nice enough to take us out to eat to partially more expensive places and it just didn't seem like she fully appreciated it. Table manners were also a bit of an issue at times, it definitely put things into perspective for me and how lucky I am that my parents taught me things like table manners or even just how to set a table. There were other things that had happened in the past such as her saying she can't use a normal razor and so my host-mother literally bought her a brand-new electric razor. All these things including a few incidences where my host-sister was very disrespectful toward my host-family started adding up and led to eventually my host-mother kicking her out after she had stepped on one of the dogs and said it was the dog's fault. What astonished me was that her side of events were never questioned like mine was, the organization never threatened to send her home, even though she broke more rules than I did (disrespecting host-family, lying, not cleaning up after herself etc.) They also had her in a new host-family by the next day. Now again this is me just speculating but her parents did not pay for her exchange year she was there on a sort of scholarship and I doubt the organizations would have legally been able to keep the rest of the money allocated to her had she been sent home. Once she was gone I was alone with my host-parents and the two dogs. I started noticing little things more and more such as that my host-mother worked a lot. She was also the head of a board and so she would have additional meetings and obligations which would result in her coming home quite late and more often than not either telling me 5 minutes before picking me up that we would go out to eat or that I should just put a frozen pizza in the oven. There were security cameras outside as well as inside the house and I knew my host mother had used them as she had seen my host-sister eating all the cookies in the kitchen once. Apparently, as per her, the cameras were only in use when they left the house to go somewhere for a longer period of time aka in order to see the doors... but one of the cameras was literally above the door facing the living room and kitchen and so I kind of felt like I was constantly being watched. In the beginning her and I got on really well, she took me shopping with her on weekends and helped me find the most beautiful prom dress, once my host sister had left, I would often wake up to nobody being home on a Saturday morning even though when I asked Fridays at dinner what their plans were, they said they did not have any. A few months later, my host-mother decided she wanted to retire and my host-parents decided to get a husky-puppy. My host-mother's boss did not want her to leave so she ended up continuing to work so guess who was stuck with the puppy, me. Don't get me wrong I love dogs and had had a puppy in Austria a year before I left. However, in addition to school, having a puppy that nobody except me was really taking care of was a lot especially in the beginning when she would howl all night and I couldn't sleep. Obviously, she wasn't potty trained either so I got to deal with that every day when I got home from school. My host-mother would lock her and the other 2 dogs in a confined area in the beginning with water and food, however, they would make a mess and so eventually they took it out. After a few weeks, the puppy had never gone for a walk and always only done her business in the yard, so I asked my host-mother if she didn't want to take her for a walk. She said she would the following week, however, never ended up doing so. Every time I would ask after this, she would say that her husband would walk her one weekends. Now of course she was only a puppy and in the beginning one is not supposed to walk them a lot, however, if they never are confronted with other dogs, humans and surroundings when they are little, it is likely that they will never feel comfortable in situations other than the ones they know. Two months in, she was already a lot bigger than the other two dogs, I started to take her on walks after school, since nobody else did. My host-mother's daughter came to look after me while my host-mother was at a graduation and I asked her if this is how all their previous dogs had been treated and she said that unfortunately they were. My host-parents would put her in the back of the car, drive to a lake and then sit in the car on the parking lot and look at the lake, but not walk with her. I hinted at my dismay of their behavior towards the dogs a few times and it started to make my relationship with my host-parents even weirder than it already had become. One morning, on a school day, I woke up to find that nobody was home. Usually, my host-mother would be there and let the dogs out into the garden to do their business and then put them into their way too small confined area. Since she was not there, I got to do all that in addition to everything else I would do in the mornings which led me to almost miss my bus. At least letting me know beforehand would have been nice. That evening when she got home at 9 pm she turned to the dogs and said I left the house extra early today because I didn't want to have to deal with you... The next time we went to a pet store to get her new food I asked her if she had considered rehoming the puppy, she had done it with her cat and clearly this dog was only causing her more stress and to be honest it wasn't fair to the husky either. She basically replied saying you don't get a puppy to rehome it and that was the end of that conversation. My parents were going to come pick me up and travel with me, however, my sister's school ended 1 ½ weeks after mine and so they asked if I could stay the additional time with my host-parents. They agreed and it ended up being less anyway since I flew to the States to visit family, but, I did have the impression that they had simply just stopped to even care anymore, there was hardly any food in the house and she would often either just take me to subway or tell me to put a frozen pizza into the oven. My host-mother had promised me to pay for my hair and makeup to be done for prom when we bought my dress and she did end up doing that which I am very grateful for. Just before she got the puppy, she would bring my friends and I to hockey games once & a while and pick us up as well, however towards the end of my stay, when it started to get warmer, while she would sometimes drive me places, often times, her & her husband would just be gone on weekends, I had no clue where they were or when they would be back and that made it hard for me to make plans as well since the dogs would otherwise be alone and I had no clue what their plans were for meals.

Overall, in the beginning, I thought this family may finally work out and while I acknowledge that nobody is perfect and that I myself am not perfect either, unfortunately, I did not particularly enjoy, nor feel at home in this household either especially towards the end.