My Exchange Year

The Second Host family

My second host-family consisted of my host-mother who was an elderly divorced woman who lived alone, and another exchange student from Japan. My host-mother was very Christian which is fine but it felt a bit like being in a conversion camp living with her. This household had extremely strict rules (I felt like I was 9 years old): I had to prepare my lunch for the next day the night before, which idk if you've refrigerated a sandwich overnight but was not very nice. I had to give her all my electronic devices and be in bed with the light out by 9 pm. We were not allowed to do our school/homework in the kitchen, but had to do it in the cellar, as again I did not have a desk in my room. We weren't allowed to use the kitchen appliances but had to ask her to heat everything up. Friday was her "day off" she expected us to either eat at friend's houses or go out to eat and pay for it ourselves. While she did live significantly closer to my school, the mall was a 15 minute walk from my school and then a half an hour walk to her house. By this time it was already winter and cold out, like below-15 degrees Celsius cold. She also did not give me an alarm (I previously had always used my phone, but since she collected it at night, I didn't have that option anymore) which led to me not waking up in time a lot (by the way I once woke up 15 minutes before the school-bus came, by her yelling at me why I am not awake yet). I remember the first evening when the local coordinator brought me and all my things to her house. We had dinner and I showed her where in Austria I lived. I already knew my host sister a little bit mainly just from seeing her at school, she was really nice, but we were never really close. She asked why I had switched host families and almost immediately after I was done talking she wouldn't stop saying that I seem way too stressed to be here and that I really needed to go home. Throughout the next week she kept additionally accusing me of not being active enough, at this point I had to catch up and stay up to do date with all my school-work and since I had a set "bedtime" I just didn't find the time to. After trying to reach my student coordinator, who was on holiday and wouldn't reply for a week, she finally called me during one of my lessons in school. Since I really needed to talk to her I took the phone call and told her about how much more stressed I was due to having a set bedtime and how my host-mother literally would have a day off from cooking for us every week in addition to all the constant accusations and telling us that we shouldn't hug our friends as it counts as sexual assault. She promised me by the time I would get to my host-mother's house she would have personally spoken to her. When I got there later that day, nothing had changed and so I was pretty sure nobody had called. About 2 hours later I heard my host-mother's phone ring, and since her house was pretty small and Canadian walls tend to be very thin I could hear a male voice talking to her about everything I told my Coordinator. My host-mother obviously denied it all. Since I wanted to know what this meant for me I tried to get a hold of my Local as well as Student Coordinator who both did not pick up the phone. That evening my host-mother asked why I had told the organization all these things that "weren't true" and I told her that I simply told them everything she had told me aka the rules of the household. Later that evening at 9pm she asked me to hand all my devices to her and again accused me of not being active enough. I was so fed up and honestly just wanted to let off some steam as well so I told her I would go for a walk and asked if I could take my phone with me since I didn't really know my way around where she lived yet and it was dark and cold outside. She told me that I was not allowed to, which led to me waiting for her to leave the kitchen, where my phone was charging and just leave. Luckily, my parents were aware of all the stress I was in and that I was trying to get a hold of my student coordinator and told the German agency that, if nobody were to contact me soon, they weren't sure what I was going to do. After trying to get ahold of any coordinator I had ever been in contact with and failing, I looked up the emergency hotline number and called there. Guess what.... THEY DIDN'T PICK UP THE PHONE... anyway I had been walking for like 5 minutes by that time and so I decided to try and call again, no answer, so I left them a voice message asking them kindly to please call me back, which they did 45 minutes later. Imagine I would have been in a different situation, what if I would have needed their help right then and there, and then it takes them 50 minutes to call me back.... Sidenote: I later found out that the only reason they even called me back was because I had posted that the emergency hotline wasn't even picking up the phone on my snapchat story, which another exchange student showed their host-parents who contacted the Organization. Anyway, by that time I was freezing everything was drenched and the lady on the hotline which, by the way, was in another province of Canada with a time difference that was even still considered their office hours, told me to go back to the house and talk to her while I was walking which I did. She didn't really have time to comment on anything since as soon as I got closer to my host-mother's house, I could hear her yelling Liv is that you better get here right this second. My phone connected to the wife and I got her iMessages saying that if I don't come back she would call the police. As soon as she saw the phone in my hand she asked who it was and I told her it was a Coordinator, she proceeded to tear the phone away from me and say that that was perfect since she wanted to talk to them too. The Lady on the phone, who turned out to be one of the owners of the Canadian Organization, asked my host-mother kindly to give me my phone back and that they would start a separate phone call, she then proceeded to tell her that I had to keep my phone all night and told me to go change into dry clothes and get to bed. I didn't hear from her anymore that evening. The next day turned out to be a snow day, for non-Canadians: A day where the weather conditions are too dangerous for students to get to school, aka too cold, too much unforeseen snow or a snowstorm. My host-mother let my host-sister stay home, me however she forced to clear off her car and drive-way so that she could bring me to school anyway. I got a phone call from the partial owner I had talked to the night before, she told me, that the local coordinator would pick me up from school and bring me to a Clinic, where they would asses my mental stability. I asked if there was any way we could do it on another day, since I had a biology test the coming day and that was one of the subjects I had been struggling in, she declined. I called my parents, who by the way, had no idea that they were going to take me to a doctor, but had in the meantime heard about what had happened the night before, who told me to just go as I didn't really have another choice. I ended up sitting in a waiting room for 2-3 hours before the doctor's intern who was studying at the university in the town asked me to join her in a room. I told her about everything that had happened and she was really nice and understanding about it. She left and shortly after came back with the actual doctor/psychologist. He said he had been briefed by the partial owner from the emergency hotline who and I quote told him that I'm just a "Spoiled girl that needs a kick in the butt" but that he totally understand especially after meeting me that I am here for academic reasons and in face not what he had expected. He also said that he had a son my age who probably would have handled it worse than I did. He later also talked to my local coordinator and asked how they dare bring someone in whom they are causing stress and accuse the victim of being the issue. He was really nice even gave me his phone number if I ever needed anything and said that there was no question in his mind that I was allowed to stay in Canada. On our way back to my host-mother's house, the partial owner from the emergency hotline called and asked how everything went, she then also asked to speak to me while my local- coordinator went inside to my host-mother. I told her exactly what the doctor had told me, she went silent after I told her what he had said she had told him. She then proceeded to ask what I was going to do now and if I was going to hug my host-mother and apologize. I told her that I would thank my local coordinator for the ride, say that it really was not necessary, have dinner, study if I still could and then go to bed. After I had a full-on discussion with her about where the hell all the coordinators were when I needed them, she hung up, I went inside, thanked my local coordinator and had dinner. My host-mother was watching me eat when all of a sudden she started asking questions: 1) Have you ever seen a psychologist?: "I did when I was like 12 because people were bullying me in school but only like once or twice" 2) Has your sister ever seen a psychologist?: (this one was weird like what the hell does my sister who is in Europe have to do with anything? I should not have answered and referred her to my parents but I was tired, stressed and just wanted to get back to studying,) "No she has not." She finally let me go, the next afternoon, my parents called me saying the German organization had told them that I had had a heart to heart with the lady from the emergency hotline and told her that me & my entire family had been suffering from mental illnesses and had been seeing a psychologist all my life... now this is me speculating but in my opinion my host-mother told the lady this to get rid of me. My parents told the organization, that it in fact was not true and that if I had really said that, I must be really desperate to leave Canada. Since no other host-families were able to take me at the time, I had to stay in this host-family. My coordinator tried to have the bedtime and device time extended, which led to my host-mother barking at me that she would not change her rules for me. I don't know how but eventually she gave in and I was allowed to stay up an hour longer. Since I now had access to public transport, I told my host-mother I would meet two of my friends at a little like shopping square but not a mall (I had told her 4 days prior and always told her where as well). The public transport system was very different from what I was used to in Austria and so I asked my host-mother if there was any way she could at least drive me there, which she was not willing to do. Again, it was snowing, freezing cold and I had no clue where I was. I walked to the closest bus station, found out about 15 minutes later that I was on the wrong side of the road, I then tried to reach my host-mother, who did not pick up the phone, just to then be told that there was no direct bus where I wanted to go and that I would have to walk 15 minutes from the bus stop to the actual place. I ended up getting there roughly 1 ½ hours later drenched and cold but at least I got to spend time with my friends. My host-mother had not specified a time by which I should be back, so, I didn't really check my phone. Shortly before 5, I got a text from my host-sister saying that my host-mother had been trying to get ahold of me. I didn't have any messages or missed calls from her, but I called her anyway, this time she did pick up the phone just to yell at me saying that she wanted me home by 5 (which was in 10 minutes at the time). I then explained to her that I was way too far away to get back in 10 minutes, that it had taken me 1 ½ hours to get there and that I was unaware that I had a curfew. She then proceeded to say well aren't you at the mall?.... Anyways, after I told her for the 7th time that I was not at the mall, she said I just get back as soon as possible. Luckily one of my friend's dad was able to drop me off and I even made it by 10 past 5. Although I was not supposed to leave Canada for Christmas, the organization agreed to let me go home for the holidays which to this day I am very grateful for. As previously mentioned, I was only supposed to be there for 2 weeks, however, it ended up being 3 ½ part of the agreement was that the local coordinator would come to my school every Friday to check in with me and see how I am doing. The partial owner of the company (not the emergency hotline lady) but the one who was actually in my province ended up paying me and my host-mother a visit in which he gave me a 3 page, double sided document showing all the rules "I had broken" in his words and asking me to acknowledge this and for me and my parents to sign it. The only rule I had broken was posting on social media that evening, everything else mentioned in those pages was complete, excuse my language, bs. Neither me nor my parents ever signed it. As for my host-sister, I did bring it to the organization's attention that another one of their exchange students was living with her and asked if there was any way she could be moved as well, however, the organization said that she belongs to the other part of the company and that's why they can't really do anything about it. My second host-mother ended up forcing my host-sister to walk to school in -50 degrees on a snow-day, not once, but twice, even though the organization had warned her that this is not okay after the first time and so she ended up switching host families as well.