A String Called Life

CHAPTER 3

My eyes rove about the inside of the building, sticking to the peeling paint of the walls and compartments cramped together to fit inside the tiny space. The malls that we had in Guwahati immediately flashes into my brain. "It is so small," I whisper.

Ma, gives me the don't-say-that-in-front-of-anyone-else look before wandering into the maze-like structure of the building. There are rows and rows of items ranging from food and clothes and perfume to books and notebooks and pens.

Naturally, I wander to the side of the building which has a few compartments filled with different makeup items. I flip a few of them to look at their price tag and smell test some perfumes but I soon lose interest in them. 

This is nothing. The shops in Guwahati had ten times this size of perfume collection with most of them imported from outside India. Even the smallest shops in our area were bigger than this pathetic looking little store.

Not finding anything, I move away, searching for ma. A black bun appears on the other side and I follow it. Ma is bent over in front of the groceries, searching for something. "Ma, what are you searching for?"

She jumps as she turns towards me, barely saved from hitting the top of the compartment.

"Oh, Ruj. N-nothing, just thinking about which snacks to buy." Her voice is squeaky and her eyes are red from late-night crying.

Ma has been very jumpy lately. Getting scared really easily. I don't blame her for it, though.

I nod now, not wanting to press her about why she was searching for snacks in the compartment full of cereals. She definitely doesn't want me to notice the tears she tries to wipe away discreetly.

In the next few minutes, I follow ma wherever she goes, not knowing what to do except giving the occasional nod whenever she asks for my opinion on something.

I look around, trying to find something interesting but my eyes keep wandering back to the bookshelf.

After a while, I leave my ma and make my way towards them. There are two rows on either side of me, filled with different notebooks and pens and books. A lot of books. There must be a huge demand for books here for the store to have this much of a wide collection.

When I was small, I had got a book as a birthday present from my neighbor. Raj started laughing. "That must be a present from Mrs. Gupta. She must have thought we were like her son. "Seriously? Who reads books?". It had been enough for me to stop the tiny little voice in my head which was urging me to pick up the book. Because Raj is – was – right. Who reads a book?

I barely stop myself from shouting out of frustration. Whatever I see, reminds me of Raj and that he is gone. He is never coming back again.

I rush towards ma. "Ma, are you done yet? Can we go home?"

She must notice the urgency in my tone because she looks at me and then nods immediately. I breathe out in relief. Just a few minutes more now. I can handle it. Right?

Ma takes the trolley and goes to the counter, me trailing behind her. She talks to the person sitting there but I am too distracted to listen to what they are talking about.

A hand rests on my shoulder and a pair of concerned eyes look at me. "Ruj, I asked you to bring another trolley. We need it to carry the supplies to our car." By the look she is giving me, I can tell that she has been calling me for a while now. Shit! A lecture will be ready for me at home today. I'm sure of it.

I give a quick nod before rushing out of the building. Why can't I just hold myself together for a few minutes?

I make my way towards the trolley and pull one of them and as if I haven't had enough, it gets stuck on its way out.