Wolf Bound

Chapter 1: Black Eyes

Relating to other people was something I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to achieve. Not because I considered myself different but because I was filled with envy. Maybe even jealousy. I envied the experience other people had with relationships. With intimacy. With living life to the fullest. I'd admit, I wanted a taste of it all. 

Even as I studied the other customers among the small café space, some of which were college students, many of them were bound to each other. I shifted as the sudden stir in my gut made me want to topple over.

"Keep it together. Almost done," I whispered to myself.

The smell of minty hot chocolate blended with the steam puncturing my nostrils. I could feel the hot cocoa burning through the mug in my hands, reddening the flesh on my fingertips. Still, I sipped slowly. My eyes loomed over the edge of the mug at the booths surrounding mine.

It was oddly quiet in here for a Friday night.

I wondered how many students had already made their way off campus to the ongoing frat parties taking place in someone's house. It helped that the campus wasn't too far from this café. There were a few pubs in town that got crowded around this time of night too. Mostly college kids and older adults looking for a quick fuck.

It was the least we could offer for a town that wasn't necessarily big in population or known in popularity, compared to the heart of New York—the city—where I'd grown up. Sometimes I wondered if moving Upstate to Havford, New York on my own, right after I finished community college was a bad idea. Especially now that I was jobless. Again. Fucking perfect.

"Sometimes, I forget I'm only twenty-years-old. I don't know why but I always feel like I'm missing out on so much. It can get overwhelming at times, you know? Maybe it's just me." I had uttered those words to my mother this morning.

I could hear them playing in my head on repeat. Just thinking about it made me laugh. I had never realized how fucking paranoid I sounded sometimes. Maybe I should have just moved back home.

She gave me the usual mother-daughter pep talk. The ones she gave when I cried my eyes out at night, overthinking as I'd usually done majority of my teenage years. She'd always been blunt with her words but damn were they soothing. I was surprised I hadn't broken down in tears whenever she talked to me.

"Okay, that's it. You need to get your shit together, Genesis," I spat under my breath and laid my mug on the table, slamming my laptop shut. I'd had enough for the night. My job search was going horrible and if I sat here any longer, I knew I'd wallow in self-pity. That was something I could do at home, in my bed, with food. 

The trees rustled as I breathed in the crisp Autumn air outside the shop. 

The October winds had no mercy on me. I'd have probably blown away if I didn't have enough weight (barely) to keep me grounded. Now would've been a great time to throw my hair into a bun or a ponytail if my rubber band hadn't popped.

I guess it was only natural. My black hair was long, curly, and hard to maintain. My mother often told me it was one of the perks of being Black. Whether it was a positive perk or a negative perk was up for debate. I wouldn't argue with her though, even though it could be annoying at times.

"I am going to freeze my ass off out here," I huffed and pushed my glasses up my nose. The circular frames were foggy. I could only assume my breath had been the reason for that.

There were absolutely no cabs in sight. I had even taken the time out to call one of the nearest cab services, but the lines were busy. I knew I should have gotten my driver's license already and taken my father up on his offer to buy me a cheap car when I'd turned eighteen.