fighting love » l.s.

thirty eight - girlfriend: the finale

Louis was silent the entire drive back from the grocery store to his house. He kept telling himself, over and over, that if he could just make it through this dinner, he would find a way to fix this. He would fix things between him and Harry, and then he would fix things between him and his mum. Everything would turn out okay in the end.

Everything had to be okay.

He pulled into his driveway and parked the car in front of the garage. After he turned off the engine, he was left in such complete and consuming silence, he almost forgot Eleanor was sitting beside him in the passenger seat.

"Louis, are you alright?" Eleanor asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

Louis covered his face with both hands and exhaled deeply. "I'm okay. I'm good. We can do this."

"Okay," she replied. Skepticism laced her voice, but she started to get out of the car.

Louis shook his head lightly, trying to get some sort of control over his thoughts. As always, his mind was consumed with Harry, Harry, Harry. But the thoughts felt different this time -- like they might never leave his head and become reality ever again. Like he might never really have Harry in his arms ever again.

"Louis!" his mum's voice cut through his thoughts.

Louis pasted a smile on his face and hurried from the car, jogging a bit to catch up with Eleanor. He put an arm around her shoulders and met his mum at the front door.

"Mum, this is Eleanor," Louis said.

"Hi, I'm Louis's girlfriend. It's so nice to finally meet you," Eleanor said warmly, reaching out to take his mother's hand. Louis had conveniently left out the "girlfriend" label in his introduction, but Eleanor naturally had to slip it into hers. He fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"It's lovely to meet you, too! Come on in. Dinner is hot on the table!" The smile on Louis's mum's face was wider than he'd seen it in a while. She was positively glowing. Guilt twisted Louis's stomach into knots, but he knew he had to do this for his mum. Anything was worth making her happy . . . right?

/

After the three of them sat down to eat, Louis could immediately tell that Eleanor and his mum were hitting it off wonderfully. He barely interjected a word into their conversation every few minutes. They seemed content to talk for hours and hours, his existence going mostly unnoticed besides nodding or shaking his head at appropriate moments.

The whole time, he couldn't stop thinking about what Harry had said: this "perfect life" that Louis had envisioned for himself. As he looked around his home, at his mum and at Eleanor, this was the perfect life he would paint in a picture. But it didn't feel right.

It looked perfect, but it didn't feel perfect. And Louis's heart was screaming at him that nothing would ever feel right, let alone perfect, without Harry.

"Mum," Louis interrupted loudly. The two girls snapped their heads in his direction, obviously caught off guard by his sudden interjection. "I'm sorry. This was a huge mistake."

"What are you talking about, honey?" his mum said, her facial expression immediately changing from happiness to concern.

"Eleanor isn't my girlfriend. She was, for a while, but we aren't together anymore." As he spoke, Louis could feel Eleanor's hot glare on his skin, but he didn't even look in her direction.

Louis's mum glanced between him and Eleanor, brow furrowed in confusion. "Why would you bring your ex-girlfriend to dinner? Why didn't you just tell me you two had broken up?"

"Well, I . . ." Louis trailed off, trying desperately to find the right words to tell his mother the truth. "I actually have been seeing someone."
His mum's face still displayed obvious confusion. "Someone who's not Eleanor?"

"No. And someone who's not, well, a girl," Louis said. His heartbeat quickened as soon as the words left his mouth, and he studied his mum's eyes carefully for her reaction.

"Someone who's not . . . ?" Recognition crossed her face and her mouth dropped open. Her hand flew to her mouth, and her eyes remained locked on Louis's face. Louis could see the gears turning in her head, but he just couldn't bear to wait for the words to leave her mouth.

"Mum, I --"

"Get out."

"What?"

"You heard me. Get out of my house. I don't want to see your face right now." His mum's voice was low and serious. When Louis gave no indication of moving, she stood abruptly from the table, her chair screeching backwards and hitting the wall behind her with a loud thump. "Get out! I mean it, Louis, get out of here right now!"

Louis stood slowly, finally breaking eye contact with his mother and dropping his gaze to the table. Quietly, he said, "Come on, El. I'll take you home."

"No, I'll take her. She doesn't deserve more trouble from you," his mother said sharply, grabbing Eleanor's arm and pulling her away from Louis. Eleanor looked extremely uncomfortable, but made no move to argue.

So, without another look back, Louis turned away and walked out of his home. He got in his car, and he drove. With no destination in mind, he just drove. Before he did anything else, he just had to get away. He would have to think about next steps later.

Before Louis could even form a coherent thought, he was turning onto Harry's street. And his mind wasn't working logically enough to tell him to stop, so he went through the same motions he'd gone through for almost the past year. He turned off the engine, jogged across Harry's front yard, and hauled himself up to Harry's window. Thankful that Harry hadn't locked the window after their argument mere hours before, he slipped his fingers into the crack Harry normally left open at the bottom.

Harry rubbed the sleep from his eyes, squinting through the darkness as the window slid open. Without much thought, he knew who the dark figure was. Before Harry could tell Louis to leave the way he came in, the older boy spoke.

"I'm sorry," he said simply, slipping his shoes off and crossing the room to where Harry lay.

"Lou, why are you here?" Harry mumbled as Louis slipped into bed beside him.

"Maybe because I know you sleep better when I'm here. Even if you are still mad at me," Louis replied simply, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist. He wasn't ready to get into the dirty details of his evening yet. He knew he fucked up, and he knew Harry knew that. All he wanted in that moment was to feel Harry's back pressed tightly against his chest and be surrounded by the curly haired boy's soothing, familiar smell.

Harry sighed, but couldn't bring himself to protest. "Shouldn't you be with Eleanor?"

"Shh, baby. Please just go to sleep. Stop thinking for once," Louis murmured into Harry's curls. "We'll figure all of this out tomorrow. I promise."

And despite his angry, hurt feelings toward his boyfriend, Harry felt himself nod and allow Louis to hold him tightly in his arms. He had forgiven the older boy before, and he understood why Louis did what he did. It still hurt, of course, but Harry's feelings for Louis were strong enough that he would stick with the other boy through almost anything. He just wished he and Louis could somehow learn to love each other without hurting each other.