He's My Savior

Eighteen

Shawn

I was painting all day when I got a text.

Dinner tonight? My treat.

I still didn't know how I felt about Frost after everything that happened. I did fall hard for him, but with my own demons eating at me, it was conflicting.

I knew mom probably told him what happened in my past. It was a demon that would stay with me for the rest of my life and I would take it to the grave.

He was already convicted and serving time, even though I wished he received a bullet to the skull.

Knowing he was going away for a long time was peace, and no kids would be harmed by him anymore, but to me, it wasn't enough. I said nothing because I knew he'd come after me and my family... Being a little girl, I didn't know that my parents would have settled the problem very quickly, being former spec-ops, but I didn't need them going to jail.

Sure. I replied to the text, going back to the painting. It was me holding a little black figure with glowing red eyes.

My demon. The one thing controlling me since exiting the military. This was just for myself... To remind me that I was still me.

"Shawn? You coming with me?" I heard mom call from the living room. I agreed to a little shopping therapy with her. Winter was finally ebbing away into spring and I needed some new clothes.

"Yeah, give me ten!" I tucked the painting in the closet with the fan on low to dry it, going to the bathroom and cleaning the paint off my hands, and got dressed in jeans and a hoodie. Mom was waiting with the keys in her hand. We went to the Galleria, and I let her pick me out some things.

"So, how are things going with you and Grant?" She asked as we were in Nordstrom.

"Uh, we're going to dinner tonight." I answered. "But we're still not spending the night together... Not yet." I wasn't going to push it so far yet. It was one step with therapy. Slowing down and re-evaluate the situation.

"That's good. You know where he's taking you?" She held up a cute little lacy black dress to me, pursing her lips.

"No, but we agreed nothing fancy." She threw the dress in the cart. Leave it to mom to pick out girly stuff for me. Not that I didn't disagree with wearing dresses, I was always more of a tomboy.

"I know fancy isn't your thing, but it is nice to get dressed up every once in awhile and feel like a princess." I chuckled at her.

"We're going slow, mom... No need for flirty or sexy." I picked out a couple of pairs of print leggings, putting them in the basket. "I just... I dunno." I sighed.

"Honey, he loves you. He knows that part of the therapy process is slowing down and evaluating your surroundings and feelings." Part of the process was also not letting my anger get the best of me which was a huge work in progress.

"I know." I found a couple of cute tops, both tank top and spaghetti straps. "I just need to find my footing again."

"Would it help if we maybe got you another dog?" My heart sank a bit at the thought of Sparks. I missed the presence of a dog in the house. It wasn't the same but there was no replacement for Sparks.

"I think it's still too soon." I told her honestly. It had only been two months since we put him down, I wanted some time to let the feeling sink in that I wouldn't see him again, and accept it.

"I should be getting back the necklace I had made with his ashes soon." She had allowed the vet to send off some of his ashes to be made into a necklace, the stone in it have a swirl so I could have him with me always. "It'll be coming with his urn." I shook aside the thought.