He's My Savior

Eleven

Above is Shawn's Showcase Dress.

Shawn

"How are you feeling today?"

I was in the shrink's office today, as part of my mandated weekly therapy.

"Lost." I said quietly, Sparks in my lap, asleep. "I don't know what to do with myself." And it was the truth. Frost had to go back to Germany on Friday, but he left me with a kiss on my head, and a promise that he would be back soon.

"What did you enjoy doing before joining the military?" The pen scribbled on paper. Like I was being judged.

"Fighting... I did Krav Maga and Taekwondo... It's kind of hard to do it when you're missing a leg." She smiled sympathetically.

"Anything else beyond that?" I shrugged.

"I drew and painted a bit, but I was never any good at it... It's been years since I touched a sketch pad or paint."

"Why not pick it up now? Art is a good form of therapy... Some say that it helps them cope with whatever they have gone through." Darkness seeped into my mind with that thought.

"You want me to paint the image of seeing my three best friends laying dead under tarps? A destroyed truck I shouldn't have survived in? Or what a desert does to a dead body? Or the image of me being mangled under a Humvee that was taken out by an IED?"

"That's not what I was insinuating, Shawn. But if that is what helps you, by all means, it's good to face your demons head on." I sank into the chair, and Sparks nuzzled my thigh. "Or you can paint what brings you joy... Like Sparks." I laced my hands in his fur, my throat becoming thick. "Why don't we talk about Grant... Or Frost, whatever you're more comfortable calling him."

"He saved my life... He came when I needed someone... There's nothing to really talk about."

"What about the fact that he kissed you goodbye, promising to come back?" I closed my eyes, remembering it.

I had driven us back to Carswell, since he had to fly back today.

Before coming to the barracks, he pulled me into a hug.

"I'll be back, I promise." He had kissed the top of my head, holding me a little longer than a friendly hug. No, we were past that. This had progressed to a relationship where I hadn't confessed anything to him because I was scared that if I did, something would happen. "Please, talk to the therapist. You don't need to bottle it up. Let your parents in because they care about you... And we don't want to see you in pain."

"I promised him that I would take care of myself... But I didn't return any affection..." I admitted, looking down at my dog. "I haven't had anything serious since Derrick."

"You're scared that if you say anything about it, something will happen to him." I nodded, looking out the window. Anything to avoid eye contact. "Does Grant know about your past?" I nodded again. "How much does he know?"

"A lot... But not everything." He knew about my past but there were things that I couldn't speak about...

"You had aplastic anemia when you were younger... Has it made any recurrences?" I shook my head.

"No. I had a transplant when I was ten. It solved the problem... But that's why I hate hospitals." It was also the only reason I was allowed in the military... The bone marrow transplant.

"If you get the chance to tell him, you should... About everything. He told you about his last, why he became a doctor..."

"I already put enough on him... He doesn't need more."