5 Seconds of Summer Preferences

He's Drunk af

Credit (ttaylorpeppermann)

CALUM
Your phone buzzes for what seems like the thousandth time in the last hour. You grumble under your breath while you sit up in bed, reaching for your phone. 3:17am? This better be important. You click on your messages to find eight new texts from your boyfriend Calum.
Bave
shit waitt
baaabe
babyyy
Y/N dint igno r ne i lobe uou
I wana give yoi sexy tome babyyyyyy
sexu time witg y/n
I LOB UOU Y/N
You can't help but laugh at the horny, drunk idiot that probably won't be dragging himself home for at least a few more hours. Calum always tried to do the nasty when he was drinking, usually failing miserably as he tripped over his pants around his ankles, or falling asleep before you were even undressed, each time leaving you in tears from laughing at how drunk he was. Instead of texting back, you decide you'll wait to talk to him until he's sober enough to understand what you're saying. You shoot a quick text to Ashton, who you knew would be at least half as sober as Calum.
I would like my boyfriend returned to me as unharmed as possible please. No nudity unless it's with Michael. ;)
You laughed again at the thought of Michael and Calum drunk together before Ashton texted back.
He passed out after the last text he sent you. He's unharmed, but he's in my bed with Luke with no pants and one of Lauren's tee shirts on bc 'it showed off his manly figure.' other than that, he's fine. :)
You fell back into you pillow, laughing at the thought of Luke drunk and half-naked in bed with Calum. You replied with a 'close enough, goodnight :)' and laid back down, eager to see just how bad of a hangover the guys would have in the morning.
LUKE
You were sitting in bed reading when you heard something fall downstairs followed by a mumbled, 'ow- fuck'. You walked to the top of the steps to find Luke laying on the ground with one of his long legs up, trying to pull his shoe off. Except he was just holding his foot and spinning on the floor like a turtle on it's shell. You stifled a laugh and went downstairs to help. 'Luke, what're you doing,' you said through snickers. Luke froze and looked up at you with wide eyes. 'Em tryin takeoff ma feet,' he answered, his words slurring. You held back another laugh as you leaned over and pulled off Luke's shoes, his legs falling to the floor, unable to hold them up. He laid sprawled out on the floor, mumbling something about penguins. You bent over and pulled on his leg, dragging him over to the bottom of the stairs. Apparently thinking he was at a carnival, Luke let his hands lay straight behind his head while he screamed 'WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE' all the way to the staircase. Your eyes started tearing up from holding in your laughter for so long, but you knew he would get sad if he thought you were laughing at him. 'Luke, you need to walk up the steps to bed, come on.' Luke tilted his head toward you, trying to look sexy with half-open eyes, 'er you tryinta seduze me y/n?' 'Yes, Luke, I wanna get you into bed and have my way with you, now let's go,' you agreed, sarcastically. 'Well WHY DIDNT YA SAY SO' Luke shouted, sitting up and holding his arms out to you for help. You swung one of his arms over your shoulder, your other arm around his waist, and stumbled up the steps with his lanky body in tow. About halfway up Luke started singing a song he made up about 'rockin yer socks off in bed' until he gasped when he saw you weren't wearing socks. This must have been very sad because he started crying, saying, 'NOW whatem I gonna doooo y/n? Yer not werrin SOCKS fer me ta rock!' Immediately after throwing Luke onto the bed, you heard him snoring. You finally let out all the laughter you had held in the last half hour or so while you set a glass of water and a couple Tylenol on the stand next to Luke's side of the bed. You covered him up and kissed his cheek, making him smile like an six-year-old in his sleep.
MICHAEL
You were sitting on the couch, watching a movie, when the door to your apartment flung open to show a drunk Michael being carried by Luke and Ashton. 'What the hell,' you asked, already laughing. 'Michael here had a couple drinks tonight,' Luke explained. Michael picked his head up and shouted, 'I ONLY HAD THREE, Y/N.' 'Yeah, three in the last half hour,' Ashton mumbled. Luke and Ashton took Michael into the bedroom, thankful you didn't have any stairs in your apartment. They said their farewells, and you turned off the tv and lights, heading into bed with Michael. He was laying face down, already asleep until you slid into bed. 'Y/N I LIKE YER BOOBIES,' Michael shouted, his face have buried in his pillow. 'Michael, you need to be quiet,' you said, still laughing. Michael tried rolling onto his back but somehow ended up falling off the bed completely. You covered your mouth to stay quiet, watching Michael crawl back onto the bed. You slid down into the blankets as Michael scooched closer to you. 'Y/N, can I touch your boob,' Michael asked, his breath smelling of alcohol. You snorted, 'sure, Michael.' He reached under the blanket, searching for your shirt hem. Somehow, Michael couldn't figure out how to get his hand under your shirt, so you grabbed his wrist and placed it on your bare stomach. Michael lifted his hand until it was cupped around your left breast. A small smile grew on his face as he breathed out a quiet, 'nice,' before passing out.
ASHTON
You were working on a midterm paper when your phone rang, showing Ashton's picture on the screen. You saved your work so far and picked up. 'Hey, Ash.' 'Y/N! I'M on a BUS!' you heard Ashton shout, obviously drunk. 'What? What're you talking about?' you said through a wide smile. 'I'm on a BUS, Y/N. And I was hanging out the window and Luke took my picture!' he answered as if it were Christmas morning. 'Why are you on a bus?' you asked, chuckling. 'BECAUSE IT WAS THERE!!' he yelled, as if it were obvious. You heard some shuffling on the other end of the phone, followed by a sober Luke saying, 'uh yeah, he's drunk, and he found a bus somehow. He's fine, but he's- Ashton, don't do that!' There was more ruffling as Ashton grabbed the phone back and shouted, 'Y/N, I'M SUPERMAN!! AAAGGGHHHHHH!' 'He just ripped his shirt off, so he'll probably be home soon,' Luke explained. You laughed, rubbing your forehead. 'Just don't let him get into trouble.' 'We won't- ugh, Ashton, I don't wanna smell your feet!-' 'Is there like a phrase to get him to stop acting like a five-year-old on crack?' Michael was on the line now. You could hear Ashton and Luke shouting in the background, which made you laugh again. 'Afraid not. Take that times four and that's what I have to deal with when all of you are drunk,' you answered. 'Shit, y/n, I don't know how you put up with- Ashton, knock it off! Give me my hat back!- We gotta go, y/n, he'll probably pass out at my place tonight, but I'll let you know for sure.' 'Alright, be careful. If all else fails, get naked, that usually keeps his attention,' you joked. 'Yeah, I'd probably pay attention if I saw you naked too,' Michael played along. You snorted out a laugh and hung up, trying to focus on your midterm paper again.