Chapter 46

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CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

"Do you seriously need to reference Murphy right now?" 

***

"Okay, you guys... remember the plan." 

 I felt utterly hopeless when the door opened to the dorm yet again, and the guards flooded in. I tried desperately to find Bellamy in the mix, but literally every male guard in the room looked the exact same. I bit my lip, not recognizing Phia either. 

Where are those idiots? 

 I didn't have time to ponder it however, as the guards were rapidly stalking up to us like sharks circling their prey. I was brutally aware of the cold blade of my knife- that I had wrapped in my tie so it wouldn't cut me. My eyes were darting around the room, everyone moving around too much for me to pick out a certain face. I clenched my teeth, my hand going to the hilt of my knife. I was so overwhelmed. Half of me was trying to find Bellamy, but the other half was keeping an eye on Monty. I just got him back, and I sure as well was not losing him again any time soon. 

 Keep that in mind when I tell you what happened next. 

 Understand that I was completely and irrevocably overwhelmed. My heart was beating in my throat, the sounds were blurring into background music, and my eyes were beginning to blur from how fast they were moving around in my skull. 

 I saw a guard go toward Monty. 

 I saw another one grab his arm. 

 "No!" I shouted, cross-checking some poor kid out of my way, and surging forward. I grabbed the guards shoulders, and yanked away with strength that I didn't know I have. I don't even know what was happening. It was like for a split second, I became... ugh, I hate even thinking it- Phia

 I grabbed my knife, held one of the guard's shoulders, and pressed the thin, razor sharp metal of the blade against his throat. 

 Everyone froze. 

 "Enough!" I yelled, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear me. Around twenty guns were aimed directly at me, but for some reason, I didn't care. All I cared about was that they didn't take Monty's Goddamn bone-marrow. I sighed deeply, the man in front of me breathing shallowly, with tense shoulders, and a bright red face.  I felt worse than he looked. I was suddenly remembering everything I had told Charlotte about killing people, how you can never take it back. 

 But here I am. 

 "You all think you can just keep us locked up in here like animals-" I tightened my grip on the man's shoulders, my knuckles turning white from how hard I was clutching the hilt if my knife. "But we aren't going to allow it any longer!" I made a point to glare right at Tsing, who had an expression of indifference on her face. "You touch anyone in here, he dies... got that?" 

 The doctor regarded me for a few more seconds, that felt more like decades. I felt my hand grow sweaty, reminding myself unconsciously of all of the times I told everyone to not kill. All of the times that I tried to be the peacemaker. Look at me now, holding a knife to someone's throat. I tried telling myself that I had a purpose, but another part of my brain was screaming at me. Calling me a murderer. 

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